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Chalenging behavior

This afternoon my lovely teenage daughter had a complete meltdown. She has managed to contain her anger for about a year now so it came as a real shock when she started to throw anything in her reach and then, with only slippers on, kick a door into fire wood (no exaggeration, good job we have a wood burner!). Her, much older half brother, found it really difficult but listened to my advice. I just have to let her go. There can be no restraining, words don't work and can actually make the situation worse. So, rightly or wrongly, I just withdraw myself (always mindful of her safety) until she has spent her frustration/anger. The trigger? Never simple to identify but she has been mentioning her mother quite a lot (those who know me will know the history) maybe this holiday time reminds her. I kind of blame myself, I had left her and her brother for about an hour and a half while I did some Easter shopping. I think they just played on laptops not interacting much. I breeze home and suggest we go for a walk. My daughter was having none of that!
After about an hour we did go out, leaving the house in a terrible state. She was very apologetic and did help to clear up some stuff but there is still much to do.
After about an hour we did go out, leaving the house in a terrible state. She was very apologetic and did help to clear up some stuff but there is still much to do.
Replies
We are fine now, I don't know if I told you that we used to refer to her 'outbursts' as the Hulk. Well, she has apologised a few times saying: 'It was a sad Hulk coming out of the box'. She is so sweet!
It is demoralising, though, and our poor house is still a bit of a mess. I just can't bring myself round to putting back curtains and pictures on the wall in case they all get pulled down again.
Apart from the great work they do with her at school she also has (funding an issue at the moment) a fantastic play therapist working with her to help her understand and control her anger. I think maturity is playing it's part as well. I hope so, she is so strong now and can really cause damage. The thought of her doing this in adulthood is unbearable!
Thanks for your support Heather.
First, I understand why a person with autism may find it hard to get out of a car but the question is how do you deal with it? The day before yesterday my daughter and I went out to an unfamiliar place and everything went fine (with a little humorous prompting) she got out of the car and we had a lovely time. I talked to her about how well it had gone and reinforced the point that she had made the right choices.
Yesterday we went to a supermarket and it took about half an hour before she got of the car. I talked to her about this and today we had our normal Saturday routine of Library visit and then youth club. Before we went and during the short drive there she said 'I must remember to get out of the car' I tried to ask her why she sometimes didn't want to get out and she said that she didn't want to be naughty. I told her that I didn't think that she was being naughty and wanted to help her have a happy time. She said 'I want to talk about something nice'! Today she got out without any hassle but tomorrow......well who knows?!
So how do other people deal with this ?
The other question is about periods! After the Library my daughter went to a drop in youth club (mainstream but a safe place) . I failed to inform the adults it was her period and forgot to provide her with spare pads. Sorry but it's not something a bloke really thinks about. When she came home she went to the toilet and asked me to get her some clean pants and leggings. She copes well now but her soiled leggings where covered in blood and the pants she had been wearing were in her cardigan pocket, torn in half! Apart from my own, obvious, failing can anybody suggest how I can help her cope with this. She is going to have to learn.
She was given a handbag by one of her school friends. I'd forgotten this, but I had suggested that she take it with her . She didn't want to. I think that I will be more insistent and do as you suggest but perhaps add a few other things and ask school and her respite carer to reinforce this. Can I ask for the word 'normal' be banned?! Isn't the PC description 'neuro-typical'? I don't know but maybe we could say 'average'?
Oh, and by the way, on the getting out of the car issue I did follow your advice a while ago and asked a passer by to encourage her to get out to go to a hospital appointment. I was lucky that this passer by was a social worker!
Thanks,as always, for your support.
i just write down on a paper where we going, what will happen next etc.
eg if you going out the time you will be back etc etc; supermarket shopping indicated etc .
i am assuming she can read here but if not then visuals/pictograms.