Spastic Diplegia & sex

nerve

I feel really awkward asking the internet this but: last night I had sex for the first time and I was so embarrassed because my legs wouldn't open wide enough at all, in the end it was painful, awkward - we tried him going behind and that worked a little better - but I was hoping someone could share some positions that would make sex a lot easier and more comfortable (emotionally and physically). I was so nervous which didn't help but I just couldn't get my legs open and I'm scared, what should I do next time?
I know you can buy sex furniture but I wanted a more discreet way of "achieving" sex rather than with toys and equipment. Has anyone got any experience?

Thank you so much!

Sam_Alumni

Hi @nerve welcome to the community and please don't feel awkward or embarrassed, it is an important question.

I found this post about comfortable sexual positions for people with CP and thought it might be useful.

Im sure @PSHEexpert will be around soon to help too.

PSHEexpert

Hello!  Sorry for the quiet - I have not been about over the weekend because of family stuff, so I apologise for the slow response.

First of all, thank you so much for posting so honestly.  It's a big deal and it's something we really don't talk about enough.  We're so conditioned to think that everything will just sort of 'go right on the night' if we want it enough that I think it makes things extra specially awkward if it takes a few goes to get it right.  Also, your body (like anyone's) isn't static, and what will sometimes work might not always work, if you see what I mean.  Anyway I'm waffling on - let me get to the point!

I think it's really positive that you and your partner were able to talk about things and (although it might not have been successful mechanically/logistically) to actually try them, in situ.  That's pretty amazing considering it was your first time, and I think bodes really well, although you say how awkward it was.  I wonder, have you talked together about it since?  Sex is one of those things where until you actually try/experience it, there's no real way of knowing exactly what might happen, so it's a learning experience every time.  This might actually serve to make your sex life better in the long term (stick with me!) because it's setting a precedent right at the beginning where you have to be open and communicate (which has potential for all sorts of sauciness as well as building deep trust and intimacy).

Another question I have for you is, are you able to part your legs further in other situations (i.e., not in a sexual context)?  If so, what position are you usually in when that's happening? (Sorry if that's incredibly intrusive - I am more than happy to go to email if you want to!) 

nerve

I would really appreciate it if you could email, I would be most grateful. 
sorry if I included too much information! I don't know who to ask for advice. 
Thank you so much!

Alex

Hi @Nerve,

I've just sent your email address to @PSHEexpert

Thanks,
Alex

nerve

Thank you Alex :-)

PSHEexpert

Got it! I will email you in the morning