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I need help

System Posts: 702

Scope community team

This discussion was created from comments split from: Hi I'm Rebecca ask me questions about Mental Health.


  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    I suffer a number of MH conditions (Severe depression, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Panic attacks, Paranoia, Suicidal tendencies). These have come about because my physical condition is deteriorating and support is negligible.

    I referred myself to a local group called 'Health in Mind' who commenced a course of CBT. On the third visit I was deemed to suicidal to continue and was referred to the Mental Health Team. I was under them for 2.5 years and the only help I received was 3 different anti-depressants all of which had unreasonable side-effects. I was informed that unless I wanted to get better there was nothing else they could do and I was eventually discharged. I recently tried 'Health in Mind' again but was turned down for the same reason. For 6 months I have been trying to deal with the Agoraphobia on my own but am sliding backwards again at the moment.

    I have lost count of the suicide attempts (all chemical) but it's probably around 10. Mixed in between are 20-30 over medication occasions, attempting to control the physical pain. I tried cutting but my hands are too weak to do much damage and it was dismissed as unimportant. Last September, after losing Mum in July, I put myself into a coma and it took the local ITU department 8 days to bring me out. Yet still I get little or no help. I have overdosed 3 times in the last 2 months alone, the last one being Wednesday night. I am convinced I will not survive the year.

    I moved back to a smallish town to take the pressure off Mum 2 or 3 years ago as she was my only support. Despite having 3 grown children in and around the town and a sister 15-20 minutes drive away I now get no support at all. Mistakes by Social Care mean that I am no longer allowed carer support.

    I hate this town. I hate the council bungalow I live in. I cannot get the place properly appropriate for me because I am still too able to qualify. Plus my condition is progressive so cannot get ongoing assessments to keep it reasonably ok. I am terrified to go through the hassle of moving but I know that if I don't I won't last much longer. No one cares about this so long as I am ok right now. My son would like to live with me but I have only 1 bedroom and nowhere for him to sleep. I have no idea how to get help and hate people entering my home even to do so. It's as much as I can cope with to let ambulance crews in but I don't usually let them take me to A&E because I am even more terrified of going to hospital than I am of letting people in. I am currently with my fifth GP surgery (having been deregistered twice) as I have to argue with doctors who don't understand what is wrong with me and who won't read 12 years of notes.

    How are people like me supposed to survive when the system won't provide support. Does anyone have any suggestions as to a way forward?

    Despite the fact that my children shun me I know they don't want me dead because they were in ITU with me every day last year. As soon as I went onto a ward it stopped. I don't want to upset them but feel that living will upset them more than being dead. At least they could then move on and use the money I would leave behind.

    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,676 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Topkitten I am so sorry you have had such a difficult time.  When you say about the medication, does this mean that you didnt want to take any antidepressants? It can take trying a few different ones to find the one that works for you, are you open to trying that?

    Please remember that you are an important member of our community and we appreciate you

    MIND suggest this for getting help in an emergency

    If you don't feel you can keep yourself safe right now, seek immediate help.
    • go to any hospital A&E department (sometimes known as the emergency department)
    • call 999 and ask for an ambulance if you can't get to A&E
    • ask someone else to contact 999 for you or take you to A&E immediately
    If you need some support right now, but don't want to go to A&E, here are some other options for you to try:
    • contact the Samaritans on freephone 116 123, they're open 24 hours and are there to listen
    • contact your local crisis team

    They also say this about helping yourself:

    If you have experienced suicidal feelings in the past, or are still feeling low now, you may be worried that these feelings might return or get worse.
    But there are steps you can take to look after and improve your general wellbeing when you're felling low, as well as prepare for if you were to feel suicidal again:Make a safety plan
    A safety plan is a personalised plan to support you step-by-step at times when you may be thinking about suicide.
    Your safety plan might include:
    • recognising your warning signs
    • details of your own coping strategies – what has helped in the past and what you can do to help yourself now
    • the names and contact details of professionals or agencies you can contact during crisis
    • steps on making your environment safe and details of a safe place you can go to if you need
    Try to make a plan when you are well or able to think clearly about what you find helpful. You might want to complete the plan with a trusted friend or therapist and give them a copy to keep.

    Senior online community officer
  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    I have tried 15-20 anti-depressants but, as they are all based on alpha- or beta-blockers, haven't managed to get on with any of them. My body doesn't like the blockers. I have the same problem with BP medication but fortunately my BP has stabilised since the coma and I no longer need it. I have been in and out of depression since I was 26 when my father died in an RTA. I have been suicidal every day for 4-5 years and every day I have to decide if I try again today or not. Usually it's not. I have heard the 'what to do in an emergency' many times but that's all it is. Giving the impression of helping whilst providing none.

    The stumbling block is me. I don't want to get better, I want to die because I have no future. Not getting suitable support from GP's and MH staff just makes it easier to try.

    I have been trying to help myself for about 6 months but I have gone back to where I was before because it was too hard to keep going and I got little or no help at all. If I stay here I'll keep trying but maybe a fresh start would give me the push to try again to improve.

    Thanks for the info but it doesn't help I'm afraid.

    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • Colin3371
    Colin3371 Member Posts: 5 Listener
    I suffer from advanced ankylosing Spondylitis - most days I can hardly walk. I also suffer from major depression / anxiety. Physical & mental ain are not exclusive. 

    In Terms of pain medication, it's there (Fentanyl for me me) in terms of anxiety well I can't beat that beast so much love.
  • RebeccaMHadvisor
    RebeccaMHadvisor Member Posts: 99 Courageous
    Hi @Topkitten

    You have done the right thing to come to the forum to try and get help and I can hear that things are very difficult for you.

    At Scope we think that you are very important and we don't believe that suicide is the answer. It sounds to me as though you are really stuck at the moment as to how to move forward but the fact that you have posted on this forum I think is a big step forward and shows me that there is a part of you that doesn't want things to be this way.

    Unfortunately mental health services will not be able to support you if they feel that you are not in the right place to accept that help at this moment in time. I know that this probably is not the reaction that you want or need right now.

    You have mentioned that your son would like to live with you, I am wondering what the relationship with your son is like and whether there is support from him?

    I can hear that you are finding it difficult to let people in and perhaps the place to start until you feel ready for this is with the Samaritans as this is over the phone support. Mind can also be a good place to start.


  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    Be careful Daniellearmstrong33 as that's how I got considerably worse. Weeks turn into months and then you find it difficult to go out at all. You also begin to lose all your regular friends and contacts.

    I get on really well with my son though I'm sure it would create more work for me. It would, however, get me to have regular meals rather than keep skipping them as I do now. Mind you, he has a new girlfriend now and isn't thinking of moving in again. He can be very flighty at times.

    Talking to Samaritans doesn't help. Because I have to go into so much detail explaining how I got to this point I often come off the phone even more depressed than when I started. They can't help anyway and I really need to be talking to people that can help, at least a little.

    Almost all my MH problems stem from not getting the help I need with the physical issues. The constant let downs are literally driving me crazy.

    I haven't done anything with MIND as I hoped for more help with the physical issues and getting the surgery I need. It won't sort out many of the problems but will give me more options and the full use of my arms again. However, now that I have seen the senior specialist, that hope has been completely destroyed by an arrogant and stupid doctor who cannot be bothered to do his job properly.

    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.


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