Dating and relationships
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14 year old boy with autism

SystemSystem Posts: 521

Scope community team

edited November 2017 in Dating and relationships
This discussion was created from comments split from: Hi, my name is mfmb!.


  • mfmbmfmb Member Posts: 10 Listener
    our friend has a son with autism he is 14 yrs old and quite big , the problem he is having is that the son masturbates  very regular and not always in private . when the father tries to stop him he sometimes gets aggressive and hits  dad ,who is smaller than his son. we encouraged him to go to the GP to get support and advice but GP gave none. can anyone suggest how he can deal with this before the boy does something inappropriate and gets into all sorts of trouble .
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Member Posts: 170 Pioneering
    Good morning!  This is a really common thing that we deal with here at college, too.  There are several things that we do to try and resolve it but it can take a while for strategies to start to work.  

    I appreciate it's really different when you're dealing with it as a parent and not as a staff member but I hope there might be a bit of useful info.  The first thing I always ask if we're seeing this behaviour in college is, does the young person have any private time at home?  Sometimes there isn't enough opportunity for private time for masturbation etc at home and then it can start happening in settings where it's not welcome or appropriate. 

    The other thing I would ask is whether there's any sensory needs.  When it happens in public, what else is going on?  Is there a specific public setting it happens in, and is it because the young person feels overwhelmed, stressed, excited, etc?

    We do a lot of ongoing work about public and private, looking at places, body parts, and activities and encouraging students to make connections between these three key elements.  We may use discreet PECS cards to prompt or remind students where they are if behaviour starts happening.  Another thing that might work is using sensory distractors - sometimes this can be effective in the short term to support the student to manage themselves in a public space, but not always!  In that situation it's a case of  directing them to somewhere more discreet if it's not possible to halt it.

    There are going to be occasions where it's not possible to prevent a behaviour from proceeding and in that kind of situation it's about maintaining as much privacy/dignity in the moment as we can.  It's also sometimes the case that a student may become aggressive if someone does try to stop things - the same would apply really, although it can be really challenging.

    I think it might also be a good idea to talk to the school and see what work they are doing around it and if it happens there, too.

    - Gill 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
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  • mfmbmfmb Member Posts: 10 Listener
    guys such helpful advice, i thank you so much, i will pass it on to our friend and take a at the videos on you tube and also look myself x
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
    edited November 2017
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • mfmbmfmb Member Posts: 10 Listener
    thankyou so much for your advice, i will pass it on . i also received what you wrote as regards to our two precious grandchildren who are both on the spectrum and are 9 years and 13 years x bless you
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