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Sex and CP

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CPfighter1990
CPfighter1990 Community member Posts: 14 Connected
Hi
im looking for advice, I was  recently in a  relationship with able person but split up two weeks ago. I feel this is my fault as his told me that when we had sex I didnt do anything apat from just lay there... in October 2015 I had a  spinal fusion due to my  CP. His told me he never wants sex with me again  :'( is there any aids I can use to help me when having sex?

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  • PSHEexpert
    PSHEexpert Community member Posts: 170 Pioneering
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    I'm sorry to hear your relationship has had some difficulties - but also, it really isn't your fault regarding the sex end of things!  Plenty of people with reduced range of movement have perfectly happy and enjoyable sex lives - it does take two people, for sure, but that doesn't mean you both have to have a full and flexible range of movement.  It's a meeting of minds before any physical connections and if he's making comments like that, it doesn't sound like he's able to engage in that bit first.  Which is not your fault, at all.

    With regards aids - sure, there are; many sex toys can be attached, rigged, strapped and propped....as can you ;)  It all depends what sort of sex you're into, and what kind of encounter you're looking for.  There's a whole range of different things you can experiment with, from using wedge/cylinder/shaped cushions to help you get into a comfortable position and take some weight/pressure off, to full-on swing-type arrangements *ahem*.  I once had the benefit of meeting a gentleman at a conference that I had attended who had, inspired by his wife's spinal injury and subsequent inability to move freely or support her weight, built a piece of furniture that was a bit like a moving hammock...anyway, sounds very complicated when I try to describe it but basically, yes there are things out there and there's ways and means.  More important is finding a partner who is in tune with you and all the uniqueness of your whole person, rather than being focused on a style of sex which no longer works for your body.  I am sorry your recent relationship has broken down, but the sex sounds like the least of it, and it's not okay for that to have been focused on - it's not a failure or a failing on your part, it's just a difference.  I have a lower body mobility issue and can't do acrobatic super bendy swap-all-the-positions swinging from the ceiling sex; sometimes I cannot easily support my body weight.  It doesn't mean it's off the menu, it's just a case of changing the menu.  I wish you the very best of luck and I'm so sorry that someone has made you feel so rubbish about it all.  Not fair or okay at all. 
    - Gill 
  • teamonkey
    teamonkey Community member Posts: 3 Listener
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    The aid you need is a creative partner who cares and loves you.  Not a **** like that idiot. Best wishes.
  • CPfighter1990
    CPfighter1990 Community member Posts: 14 Connected
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    Where can you get those aids from?
  • TheArrow
    TheArrow Community member Posts: 27 Connected
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    AnnSummers can provide you with Sex toys/stimulations in discreet packaging. As regards cushions you can obtain these from amazon :)
  • CPfighter1990
    CPfighter1990 Community member Posts: 14 Connected
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    Really 
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,636 Scope online community team
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    Hi @CPfighter1990 I wholeheartedly agree with @teamonkey.

    Really sorry you have had to experience a narrow-minded, self-absorbed person like that. 

    Scope
    Cerebral Palsy Programme Lead

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  • cupidpsyche
    cupidpsyche Posts: 76 Connected
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    Hi
    im looking for advice, I was  recently in a  relationship with able person but split up two weeks ago. I feel this is my fault as his told me that when we had sex I didnt do anything apat from just lay there... in October 2015 I had a  spinal fusion due to my  CP. His told me he never wants sex with me again  :'( is there any aids I can use to help me when having sex?

  • cupidpsyche
    cupidpsyche Posts: 76 Connected
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    Sorry for hearing. You can find good and  decent man. You can find from online dating sites. Hope you will spend your good sex life. Best of luck!
  • tbowers2075
    tbowers2075 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
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    Hi
    im looking for advice, I was  recently in a  relationship with able person but split up two weeks ago. I feel this is my fault as his told me that when we had sex I didnt do anything apat from just lay there... in October 2015 I had a  spinal fusion due to my  CP. His told me he never wants sex with me again  :'( is there any aids I can use to help me when having sex?


  • dylan89
    dylan89 Community member Posts: 25 Listener
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    @CPfighter1990 don’t blame yourself cause he wasn’t able to accept your disability a serious person would actually accept your disability during the relationship and when you have sex, I’ve just joined a dating agency for people with disabilities as I have learning disability 
  • surfygoose
    surfygoose Community member Posts: 456 Pioneering
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    You are totally right about that dylan89. The right person wouldn’t hold the disability against the person they are dating.
    Hope you have a good experience with the dating agency by the way.
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