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Trying to do too much at once and it is getting to me...

KarmaMarKarmaMar Member - under moderation Posts: 73 Courageous

Trying to do too much at once and it is getting to me so I am going to sadly step away from this forum for a while.

I have important computer files that show my illness during the application and assessment for PIP from a long dead laptop but these are proving hard to recover, I also have to put in official complaints about the latest round of council/ police failures.

Time is the one thing I have little of and I am easily distracted by antisocial behaviour also I am so exhausted all through the day.

It is ironic that since the PIP assessment which was just after I started buying the diabetes medication to treat myself this has shown me how very ill I was before the medication and literally everything was a massive struggle to do. God knows how I did get through each day with everything going on around/against me as well to face, even now with what is most probably the highest dosages of the medication possible I am still a very long way off.




  • Ami2301Ami2301 Community champion Posts: 7,139 Disability Gamechanger
    Sorry to hear this @KarmaMar we will always be here for when you return! :)
    Community Champion
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • topshoestopshoes Member Posts: 443 Pioneering
    edited October 2018
    sorry to hear you going  @KarmaMar we are always here for you ,take care 
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Member Posts: 5,856 Disability Gamechanger
    Wishing you all the best, @KarmaMar!
  • KarmaMarKarmaMar Member - under moderation Posts: 73 Courageous

    Ami2301, @topshoes, @pippa_Scope, many thanks, I appreciate it.

    I have got the emails back from late 2016 and one does show that the DWP visited me over my PIP claim when they lied and said that I applied over the phone. Basically from the CPS guidance I send emails to myself recording bad health/antisocial events/unique events (like the DWP visiting me) as emails can not be tampered with so are a good form of evidence.

    All I can see now, on the wrong side of 50, is just a life time of the same abuses as it has been since 2005, only getting worse as my disability worsens.

    My family were a large part of what started this for me and I will NEVER forgive them for it, they thought they were being clever, that the social and health services would pick me up and put me back together again. Fairy tale middle class images of how the system should work and covering up their own narcistic issues using me as a scapegoat.

    My friends even got sucked into it, the changes in them with me was so pronounced that I really did feel like I was going insane. That is the gas lighting working, then former landlords and the local authorities seized on it to silence my complaints against them.

    The truth will be told, I hold parts back that paint larger pictures showing more of the conspiring.

    There have already been investigations which have been withheld from me.

    Like the nurse who called me a psycho to another nurse while I was illegally sectioned, later on that same day she told a cleaner when I asked for a bin bag that I could have it "so long as I did not chop her up and put her in it". Some 4 or so years later, while I was homeless and in B&B using the local laundry that same nurse REPEATEDLY used the same laundry as I did, clearly no longer a nurse and holding a very big grudge against me. No one ever informed me of any investigation but I had made the incidents at the hospital VERY public.

    What is of interest is that in the 10 years prior to the sectioning I had voluntarily visited mental health services on 3 separate occasions, I had NEVER been given a diagnosis. And then when the council wanted to punish me and had set their social workers on me eventually leading to the sectioning they repeatedly stated to me that "former mental health records were of no use" which I knew to be a lie and should have formed a part of any future diagnosis. Even the doctor in charge of the mental health ward when they released me from the Sectioning stated that he believed I had "suspected antisocial personality disorder". SUSPECTED! not even a full diagnosis after the 8 full days of their poking and prodding me!

    So for my local police to go around telling everyone that I am crazy, when I have never had a full diagnosis and for them to use that against me in constant surveillance and refusal to tackle any crimes against me.

    Phew! I needed to get that off my chest big style ;)

    One thing I took from my childhood was that when I know I am right then I should stand up for myself.

    Now records disappear or get changed but my story does not and has not since I started telling it.

    I even know the lie spread about me by my former family, enough to warrant action by the authorities but not enough to put me in prison, sadly I did not find it out until after the sectioning by which time I was so heavily traumatised. But suddenly it was like a massive jigsaw puzzle, all the abuses from neighbours, landlords and the authorities which up to that point made no sense, all the parts just clicked in place to paint the true story, parts of which I have showed you.

    Thank you for allowing me to share with you, maybe you to will recognise some parts and be as in the dark as I was for years.


  • KarmaMarKarmaMar Member - under moderation Posts: 73 Courageous

    Allot of people knew of the abuses while I was Sectioned but they played safe and let it happen, this was a major mistake leaving me to face it alone.

    If something could have been saved in me it was before that time, now I am empty, even today I had abuses from close by businesses, well recorded by myself and failed by the council/police.

    I hate answering the phone/door/opening official letters simply because of the repeated abuses from the authorities in their communications and their failures in dealing with it. Many times I would find that my words were twisted against me by them. Someone is even leaking the very emails I use to record the abuses directly to the abusers, as if that will even shut me up! LOL

    I strongly believe that the same authorities, who do have that power in the RIPA act to examine my emails are also deliberately leaking them.

    Of course the abusers then ratchet up the abuses, yet even with such detailed information not one of them can destroy me. At times I deliberately make wild statements and then wait to see how fast the ripples come back to me in their reactions which do point to having a police source.

    It will all come undone one day.

    It is not a sign of mental health to be different and I am vastly different to anyone else on this planet, be sure of that.

    It really isn't a clever idea for DWP to not give me PIP, they have taken my focus off what was just a local problem and made it a national problem. I am the spanner in the works, the rock that you will break on, you WILL loose because as sure as all the undercover spying on me takes place I will find the most basic thing to undo you completely.

    That is the reason for my existence. *wink*

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