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Difficult or is it me?

woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 3,710 Disability Gamechanger
Is it just me or are some members of this forum really difficult to deal with? I try my hardest to be tolerant and respectful to others but sometimes I feel as though I don't get that back. I honestly don't know, some people seem to be so easily "offended" I sometimes feel like I'm walking a tightrope.
Maybe everything's just "getting" to me, and if I have unwittingly offended anyone I am genuinely sorry.
Perhaps the situation we all find ourselves in is shortening my fuse? If that's the case then perhaps I should step away from Scope for a breather?

John x
my advice is given freely and is correct to the best of my knowledge.

Replies

  • poppy123456poppy123456 Member Posts: 22,218 Disability Gamechanger
    I actually couldn't agree with you more! Infact, i think i may be forced to take another long break from here very very soon!
    Community champion and proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice i have given to members here on the community.
  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 3,710 Disability Gamechanger
    @poppy123456 I'm glad its just not me ! (I might even go back to our old stomping ground)  :)
    my advice is given freely and is correct to the best of my knowledge.
  • OxonladyOxonlady Member Posts: 381 Pioneering
    Hi @woodbine and @poppy123456, I fully understand what you are both saying and I also got upset occasionally with some people who didn't seem to accept my good will!!
    Now I reply to offer encouragement if I can and simply turn a blind to any negative comments! I just don't bother to reply to people if they forget to be nice! 
  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 9,090 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine @poppy123456

    Understand your frustration at times and dont think either if you should leave 

    The trouble is some people just dont like what we say even though it's the right advice and they read the tone of the message incorrectly 

    You both are valued on here by more people than you know and shouldn't let the few bad eggs put you off or stop helping so many others 

    I know it's a thankless task sometimes when you devote so much of your own time 

    Some people ask the same questions in many different ways which then makes you feel your advice has been disregarded 

    I think admin need to be a bit closer to this and people making attacks should be removed 

    Please dont give up 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 3,785 Disability Gamechanger
    Poppy we just clash and I am sorry about that you don't have to leave i will just not comment  and woodbine people eith different conditions take things a different way  I was  just trying to help  nobody needs to leave  when Pete start talking about corona virus its a touchy subject   it will all be ok I don't want any one to leave 
     
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 3,785 Disability Gamechanger
    When people not pete my phone needs sorting out  
  • OverlyAnxiousOverlyAnxious Member Posts: 1,254 Disability Gamechanger
    I keep seeing threads about people being offended lately but missing the originals...

    As others have said, it's just the nature of this particular forum subject that will mean some of the members get easily offended or take things in the wrong way.  I spend most of my life on another forum but am much more careful about anything I post on here!

    What does amuse me is that it generally seems to be the more erm 'experienced' members taking offense, rather than those of us that get generically branded as millennial snowflakes in the media!  :D
  • 66Mustang66Mustang Member Posts: 4,627 Disability Gamechanger
    edited January 5
    @OverlyAnxious I think the “snowflake” brand for our generation is more for in real life, like the workplace etc, as online we are used to the massive abuse that you get on the internet, especially online gaming. I might be wrong though?

    Personally I think you need to have a thick skin to post on any online forum, this one is no exception although it is milder than most I have been on.

    I have been offended by this forum myself - and not by the people who you’d think but just people posting innocently - but I choose not to rise to it.

    Just by its nature it will attract many different people from many different backgrounds with many different opinions and attitudes to life and these are likely to clash in some form or another. I have been offended by content on this forum in the past but prefer not to rise to it.

    Like you @OverlyAnxious I tend to be careful with what I post on here as this forum is a bit more “left” (can’t think of a better word to describe it) than most forums I post on so I tend to restrain what I say but I apologise if I have offended anyone in the past.
  • CressidaCressida Member Posts: 770 Pioneering
    @woodbine, @poppy123456, @chiarieds . You all have the patience of saints. You are very much appreciated on her.e I do wonder how you manage to stay posting on some occasions but please be aware the majority of users appreciate everything you do. Happy new year to you all. 


  • WestHam06WestHam06 Member, Scope Volunteer Posts: 1,252 Pioneering
    Hi @woodbine, @poppy123456
                                                         How are you? I am really sorry that you feel as though you need to take a step away, I would urge you not too. You are both brilliant and the advice that you give is informative and I find, always well communicated. It can be difficult, sometimes people don't always want to hear what the advice is and depending on their individual situation may react in a way that is not appropriate. I know I shared here on the community that I wanted to join the army but due to my disability I can't. A fellow member informed me that I couldn't, not because I was disabled, but because I am women. I chose to ignore this because, women do serve in the Armed Forces, so I suppose sometimes it's also about people's understanding and knowledge of facts and then what is opinion. I hope that this makes sense and though you must do what is right for you, I would strongly encourage you to stay, you are such valued members of the community. I would also like to take this opportunity to apologies for any offence I may have caused, I genuinely, like most on here, would not have meant for this. We are all different and that's a good thing, but we must respect each other and look out for each other, now so more than ever. Thank you.  
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 3,785 Disability Gamechanger
    If you know you have upset someone  wther you meant it or not goes along  way I am on four other forums under different user names 

    This is the first one thsts been like this yes people clash but to constantly have a go or constantly correcting people oh I dont know I am at a loss 
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Posts: 3,091

    Scope community team

    Hello everyone

    I hope you're all as well as you can be, despite the difficult start we've had to 2021.

    Some of you may have noticed that the community team weren't online as often as usual over the Christmas and New Year period. We were working reduced hours during this time, but we're now back to covering our usual shifts. This means that at least one member of the team will be available from 8am to 8pm every weekday, and from 10am to 6pm every weekend. 

    I'm sure many of you have felt, as we have, that there seems to have been an increase in conflict on the community recently. We understand that this is an incredibly challenging time for you all, and some of you might be feeling particularly unsettled or worried, but it's more important than ever that we all pull together to support each other. The vast majority of threads demonstrate your ability to offer support and advice to each other with great kindness and without judgement, and I think this is what we all need more of moving into 2021.

    If you're struggling to cope with the new lockdown, or there's anything else that you're finding difficult, please feel free to reach out to the community team. You're welcome to email us on [email protected], and we'll do our best to help. 

    If you see a post or comment that you believe breaks our community guidelines, please report it using the 'flag' function so that a member of the community team can review it. We can then take action if necessary. You're never obligated to respond to something a user has said, so please feel free to step away from a thread if you don't feel as though a constructive conversation is being had.

    I also wanted to briefly address the topic of incorrect information on the community. The community guidelines state that all members should:
    • Always check that information you get is correct and appropriate.
    • Not present opinions as facts.
    • Share only trusted resources.
    We sometimes get requests to remove comments, or parts of comments, that contain inaccurate information or advice. Although we do remove incorrect information on occasion, we also believe there is sometimes merit to leaving these comments up. So long as the information is corrected by at least one of you, or a member of the community team, we think that those reading the thread in the future might find it helpful to see that a piece of information has been debunked. That being said, we do ask that all members do their best to check that the information they are giving is correct, avoid presenting opinion as fact, and provide evidence from a trusted resource where possible. 

    Cher posted this on another discussion, but I just wanted to highlight the following section from the Things to keep in mind post: 
    Before you respond to a post, think:
    • Am I feeling preoccupied, anxious, inadequate, physically uncomfortable and tired? Am I making assumptions?
    • Do I feel a strong urge to be right rather than looking to offer advice, help find solutions, support and empathise with the other person?
    • Am I looking at the post from my point of view, rather than the other person’s?
    • Is it worth engaging and potentially making a bad situation worse? Should I step away and perhaps report the post?
    We'll be dealing with individual situations as soon as we can. In the meantime, please refresh yourself on the rules outlined in our community guidelines
    Online Community Coordinator

    Find out more about, and apply for, the Community Co-production Group.

    Want to tell us about your experience on the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know.
  • chiariedschiarieds Member Posts: 7,894 Disability Gamechanger
    I wasn't going to comment on this thread, but I would like to say a very heartfelt thank you to @Cressida for such kind words; they really help. My thanks also to @Cress & my best wishes to you both for a Happy New Year. People like your good selves are what make this a great community.
  • poppy123456poppy123456 Member Posts: 22,218 Disability Gamechanger
    I wasn't going to comment either but i just wanted to say, i would only say sorry for something i've done wrong. This time, i've not done anything wrong so i don't have anything to say sorry for or anyone to say sorry to. If you're expecting this from me then you'll have a very long wait.

    I just wanted to thank those that have made lovely comments @Cress @Cressida @WestHam06 @Oxonlady Thanks to you all for those lovely kind words!
    Community champion and proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice i have given to members here on the community.
  • cupcake88cupcake88 Member Posts: 873 Pioneering
    I’m so thankful I found this forum I really am . The fact people have taken time out of there lives to respond to me means a lot . This site is far more helpful than citizens advice . I wouldn’t of been able to get threw my pip application , my employment tribunal the fact when I feel so anxious I come on here and it distracts me and I have made friends on here . Xx
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 3,352 Disability Gamechanger
    I like this forum too, in fact I would not go on any other having had a very bad experience on one before. Of course the forum is the people who post and this forum wouldn’t be the same without the key posters who keep it all together, they’ve been mentioned above and I also appreciate their input which is often very helpful, kind, light hearted and informative.
    i wish everyone a very happy new year and may you have peace in your hearts.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,651 Listener
    I'm NOT a "Snowflake", I've never read the Guardian and never will, I think the fact that the left get all upset about everything is PC gone mad and that's being kind. I wouldn't use the Daily Fail as Toilet paper either.

  • dolfrogdolfrog Member Posts: 440 Pioneering
    edited March 10
    Not mentioning any names, there are some who post on Scope who from my perspective and experiences are lacking a real understanding of many issues, and only repeat the same nonsense in their posts.
    I have added these individuals to my "Ignore List" (The Ignore List is an option for all members which is included in their Profile options list) The means that I no longer see their posts when i log into the Scope forums
    [Removed by moderator - personal attack]
    In more recent times I only visit Scope once a week or may be once a month to see if their are any threads that catch my interest, such is the high level of stress some can cause by their lack of understanding.  
  • CressCress Member Posts: 498 Pioneering
    That's a good idea to use the ignore function.
    I'm slightly taken aback by your post @dolfrog to the extent I'm wondering if we're reading the same forum...but that is exactly your point I suppose...people have vastly different sensitivities.
    I just cannot get upset by anything a stranger says on an internet forum.
    And as far as forums go, I find this one very good natured on the whole, we are only human after all...and the moderation of the site is very good I find.
    Best wishes.🙂
  • poppy123456poppy123456 Member Posts: 22,218 Disability Gamechanger
    If people repeat the same thing in the advice they give then this will be because the questions people ask are usually the same thing.... the most asked questions on any forum are.. how long do i wait for the decision after my assessment?  i returned my forms on X date, how long until i hear back? I won my Tribunal, how long do i wait until i receive my money? hmm, then people wonder why those that spend so much time here have to constantly repeat the advice given. :|
    Community champion and proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice i have given to members here on the community.
  • chiariedschiarieds Member Posts: 7,894 Disability Gamechanger
    Well dolfrog might have well said that was me as, as far as I'm aware, I'm the only person whom he's accused of 'disability discrimination'. It's sad, as I'm interested in medical info, &, as I was at pains to mention to him, I had spent considerable time looking into his disorder, which I hadn't heard about, in order to learn more. The only issue I've had with dolfrog is that he gives links to 'his medical research papers.' As I've tried to politely point out, these are links to a medical database, & often the papers he links to are several years old, &, should a person wish to look at medical papers they can search a medical database themselves, & see more recent papers which might also be helpful. I was also worried after him posting 'his links' about Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome to someone that had the same type as me, the hypermobile type, & the first link was to the 'vascular type,' which can be life-threatening, & is completely different to the hypermobile type, & might have considerably worried the original poster.
    I'm also sorry that he won't see this message as I'll be on his 'ignore' list. I never wanted to cause you stress @dolfrog & I'm sorry, but I believe I truly did 'try' to understand auditory processing disorders.
    Now I'm going to stand back & say, I get things wrong; we all do...we're human. I feel we do need to be careful about what, & how we say things. RAwarrior has left the community, & I felt they were warm, kind, & supportive. They also shared info about rheumatoid arthritis & other health conditions. Lastly, but not least, they shared some adorable photos of the squirrels that many of us have found uplifting, & helpful particularly during this pandemic. Personally, I feel that this a sad loss to the community.
    So, I have been wrong, even tho hoping I was trying to help. Knowledge matters, but so too does support.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 3,785 Disability Gamechanger
    We all get things wrong now and again we are human beings  if we were perfect i think probably that would make me feel scared becsuse no one is perfect  people are different and take things personally and I put my hands up I wasn't good when I first came on here 

    I havent been on here long but I have made friends with people  I will miss rawarrior very much  the conversations we had the photos that were posted

    We are in terrible times at the moment and I think even though we don't want to admit it we are scared we are worried  and some of us don't go out or see anyone and this forum is some people's life line 

    Conversations about corona virus do get heated and people do get angry there is a corona virus wales group  and some of the rubish people post is unbelievable there aren't any moderators to stop prople what they are saying I pop on and off it because that does affect you when for example a few weeks ago a man posted that his  wife and daughter had passed away with corona virus some one then replied that it was a load of rubbish that corona virus didnt exit that people weren't dying and that the man was just saying it 

    In London not long ago prople with no masks marching through the streets saying  corona virus doesnt exist  so I understand when people get upset  I had corona virus in March then got it again in July 

    I have my opinions what should be done to stop such high cases but I keep them to myself because I know people wouldn't like it  a job I used to do 25 years ago has given me the knowledge  to understand disease  
    Control and the direction its going in 

    Some conversations we have on here is going to upset some people  and if we do upset someone even if we don't think we have is just to say sorry and move on from it so that it doesn't escalate as we have seen happen 

    I love being on here  I love the conversations  I love the games  on here I get that wrong I play all the games and some you start from end of last word some alphabetical and so on and people have corrected me which doesn't bother me but could bother someone else 

    We are here to help each other and suport each other wether we were in a corona virus situation or not if some one is wrong they are wrong just correct it underneath the wrong comment  I made mistakes because I was answering a question about what I thought was something else because I couldnt see the other post becsuse I was over lapping I think that was what one of the members explaind to me 

    So let's all try to get on as best as we can and if someone is wrong  and we font like it it's easier just to not comment or private message someone  and explain why thst person is wrong  do thst it doesn't turn into an argument and members dint divide 

  • poppy123456poppy123456 Member Posts: 22,218 Disability Gamechanger
    I actually thought that dolfrog was partly talking about me, rather than @chiarieds. Especially when they mention members repeating theirself. I was trying not to mention any names here in fear of saying something wrong. :|

    I must admit, i've tried understanding the links that dolfrog posts but they are just ridiculously difficult to understand. Maybe it's because they are so old now, i really don't know but i gave up on that quite sometime ago.

    As far as being careful with what and how we say things, that makes me feel even worse and the egg shells that i was treading on have just multiplied ten fold. I'm still deciding whether to stay or go to be honest but if i have to "watch what i say" then i will be going. Yes, we are only human and no one is perfect. It doesn't matter what internet forum you go onto there will always be some people that cause problems. Although this is the best forum i've ever been a member of.

    There are people on here that don't like me, that's fine, i have no problems with that. Yes, i have a few members on my ignore list too.  There's also people here that do like me and i've made some lovely friends since i've been here and for that, i'm very thankful!

    Deep in my heart i'm a lovely person and care a lot about other people, i wouldn't be here if i didn't. I also wouldn't spend more than half my time on the community if i didn't have a heart. What i won't do though is let people talk down to me. I was treated badly in the past and mentally abused, i'll never let that happen ever again. There was a time in my life when my children were small and i couldn't even open the front door, i couldn't take my children to school because i was just too scared to go out.  Thankfully, i came out the otherside because i'm a strong person.

    We must also remember that it's not always easy to read text speak and sometimes we take things the wrong way. We are reminded constantly here that it's ok to have our opinions but then when we speak our minds we're told to be careful what we say... Now, this doesn't make sense to me at all. :|
    Community champion and proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice i have given to members here on the community.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 3,785 Disability Gamechanger
    @poppy123456 you are a lovely person and you are valued on here and you help prople alot we had drawn a line and that's how it should stay  its bring going ok please don't leave poppy  I have wonky donkey days but that's the way the cookie crumbles you are one of the main prople on here even though I did try to change your name to Holly lol  onwards and upwards poppy already lost one member dont want to lose another  
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 3,785 Disability Gamechanger
    @chiarieds from what I can see its an old post thats been brought back up so it doesn't matter who the person is talking about they have had their say  draw a line move on both you and poppy have good things you do on here  why dwell on the bad prople have their opinions wether right or wrong  which they are entitled to  but what is thst in the grand scheme of things I am not trying to offend anyone people have their opinions 😉 
  • CressidaCressida Member Posts: 770 Pioneering
    edited January 8
    @chiarieds and @poppy123456 . Hang on in there! I think people tend to forget you are a part of this community as you have your own health issues and are human beings with feelings which can be hurt. You both seem to bounce back time and time again I really admire you for that. If you leave I will have to stalk you to new forums. :wink:  


  • chiariedschiarieds Member Posts: 7,894 Disability Gamechanger
  • dolfrogdolfrog Member Posts: 440 Pioneering
    edited March 10
    Cress said:
    That's a good idea to use the ignore function.
    I'm slightly taken aback by your post @dolfrog to the extent I'm wondering if we're reading the same forum...but that is exactly your point I suppose...people have vastly different sensitivities.
    I just cannot get upset by anything a stranger says on an internet forum.
    And as far as forums go, I find this one very good natured on the whole, we are only human after all...and the moderation of the site is very good I find.
    Best wishes.🙂
    [Removed by moderator - unsubstantiated claims and personal attack]
    I was discussing having my scope deleted with one of the Moderators, and he mentioned that if my account was deleted then so would all of the information i had provided regarding my disability would also be deleted. 
    So I decided to remain a member of Scope so that others who may have my disability would have access my research based information. 

    I do have an other social media group I run regarding my disability which for me is a safer environment. 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 3,785 Disability Gamechanger
    I am sorry to hear what happend to you I cant comment as I have not long joined scope but people do get things wrong I know I do but hope that people learn and find out more about your disability 
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Posts: 3,311

    Scope community team

    edited January 13
    The decision has been made to close this thread permanently. 

    Unfortunately, the discussion goes against our Online community guidelines and contravenes our ethos of Scope's online community being a friendly, supportive space.  Should you wish to discuss this decision further, please email the Community Team at [email protected]

    Thank you for your understanding.  
    Online Community Co-ordinator

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