My wife doesn’t orgasm from sex?

danielsan

I have been with my wife for a few years now, and it’s a bit unusual but all these years she doesn’t really orgasm that often from oral sex , she prefers and orgasms from intense breast stimulation (sucking licking etc) . When we have sex in the missionary position , she tells me the initial stimulation is the best even better and intense than when I suck her breasts and that the pleasure is only second to when she orgasms. However she’s not able to orgasm from sex , instead she will feel this intense pleasure from sex but after 5-10 minutes of penetrations she says it becomes a bit uncomfortable and not very pleasurable anymore , we have switched positions but it’s like there’s a limit on the stimulation , she doesn’t orgasm! Furthermore when I finish before 10 minutes she feels as if she’s “finished” not in terms of an orgasm but she exhibits becoming a lot more sleepy , loving etc . 

My question is why can’t she orgasm from sex , why does the pleasure feel so immense but she can’t orgasm like she does when I suck her breasts?

Richard_Scope

Hi @danielsan
Thanks for posting. It's not always an easy question to ask or answer but the first place to start would be that we are all different! There are no rules around what should make a person orgasm. Some people, men included have difficulties achieving orgasm through penetrative and oral sex The reasons for this can be hard to pinpoint and it is often psychological rather than physical. Pleasure and pain are very closely related and some people struggle to with the lack of control an orgasm brings.
Try to spend more time on the areas that your wife has told you she enjoys and relax into it together, be less focused on the genitalia. Open and honestst communication is the key to great sex, so you are halfway there already. 

Lisatho11987777

I found after haveing children I wasn't that interested any more and sex didn't happen with my partner very often pre covid  now with corona virus it doesn't happen at all but I am sort of relived in a way 

janer1967

Hi there 

Lots of women don't reach orgasm at all and even some men 

I agree can be psychological eg my partner can only orgasm from penetration as he was with his late wife 25 years and that is the only way she would let him so I guess he 7s used to that 

The main point is you both get pleasure and explore but not get hung up on the orgasm 

She isnt alone and I would think you would be surprised how many women are the same 

wilko

What an interesting subject and the honesty of the original poster. It’s true that many women do not have an orgasm during penetration, one reason not always is the partners has done no fore play. An understanding of the female sensual stimulation areas is helpful as most men rush in for penetration sex have their pleasure and that’s it leaving the love of their life wanting. Fore play can be started earlier way before the bed time action. Dirty talk, a stroke here or there during the evening ect.  But remember it’s a two way thing what works for yourselves is not going to work for every sexual relationship. Trial and error and getting to know your partners likes and dislikes will help. At the end of the day you love each other and can have fun learning.

E_Price123

Thank you for sharing this, makes me realise how common this is! 

It can be tricky sometimes to reach the point of orgasm but from my own experience I am sure they will still be experiencing the same/ similar sensations. I wonder if this is do with autism and the heightened sense of awareness of smell, sound and light that creep in to the mind for us and perhaps create distractions in the mind from the start to finish. So long as they seem to be enjoying themselves and the communication is good then there shouldn't be anything to worry about. Better to accept what they find enjoyable to no create a situation where they feel despondent or disappointed that they can't reach the point expected. The main point is that you keep it fun, relaxed and enjoy each other. 

Have you tried listening to music to a bit of a pattern for the mind to relax? Maybe a bath with candles, followed by the bedroom could help. Things that provide a positive overall sensory experience are the best. Having said that I still have problems with fully relaxing and achieving an orgasm, so I guess an important part is trust. 

Richard_Scope

@E_Price123 you highlight some really interesting issues. It is worth considering the whole environment and situation instead of being laser-focused on your partner achieving orgasm in a way that you think they should. Communicate but listen without judgement. Thank you for your insight.

Ameosy

It is suggested that you can change your sex life pattern, try sexy toys [Removed by moderator - advertising link] or BDSM, everyone has a different threshold for sexual pleasure, so you should explore more, and hope your sex life can be more harmonious.

suzyqqq

I have been married for 27 years. We have had regular, even frequent sex for the duration of our marriage. Other than sex, our marriage is pretty strong. Now for the bad...He has NEVER, given me an orgasm. Not even once. Not from oral, breasts, fingers, penetration. It is a huge issue for me. It is only an issue to him when it reaches the breaking point for me. Like when I am so upset that I'm crying after sex. He never could seem to make it a priority until I'm ready to throw in the towel. It's not even neutral for me. Imagine, getting aroused, even very aroused to the point you are desperate, but no relief. Now try going to sleep throbbing. It breaks my heart. I am ready to give up trying, and throw away my life so that he can be free to have a real partner who enjoys him. I don't think we can coexist in a sexless relationship and I don't want to be around if he found someone new.

Richard_Scope

Hi @suzyqqq

I appreciate you being so brave and open about your experiences. Good communication leads to better sex. Are you able to communicate your wants and needs to your husband?