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Funerals

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woodbine
woodbine Community member Posts: 12,112 Disability Gamechanger
Not something many of us want to contemplate or even talk about, and perhaps its not a subject for a Friday night? And if moderators think it's not something for scope then feel free to remove it.
Senior management (the good lady wife) and myself have decided that we want to go down the "pure cremation" road when our time comes.

You may have seen one of their many TV ads recently (perhaps insensitive given the current circumstances?) Basically they collect the body, arrange for it's cremation with no service of any kind and return the ashes to the next of kin.

As it stands today you can expect to pay in excess of £4000 for a traditional cremation with all the trimmings and that cost is increasing and is expected to be over £5000 by 2026, we can buy a pure cremation today for £1595 a big saving.

I'd be interested to know what you think about the idea?

2024 Election won

Comments

  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
    edited May 2021
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    I think a no nonsense departure would suit a lot of people and if I put my logical cap on it would suit me too. I have been to too many funerals and they do give an opportunity for a eulogy though such a tribute could be expressed at a private wake afterwards I suppose. 

    Its about closure really for the living family and friends and I think I’d want a wake at least for that reason. Thinking out loud really.

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @woodbine

    Having had something similar for my dad as he donated his body yo medical science so they cremate once they have done the research 

    However I found it very hard personally I didn't feel I had said my goodbye and in reality the grief hit much later once we had his ashes 18 months later . However it was his and my mumd wishes and I respected that 

    I understand your thinking behind it but I would suggest you discuss it first with other fa.ily members but at the end of the day its your decision 








  • Dusty_Hammer
    Dusty_Hammer Community member Posts: 29 Connected
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    Hey. This is something me and my dad have discussed, and that’s exactly what I will be doing with him when he dies - and then chucking his ashes off the end of a certain pier! My mum died 11 years ago so it’s something I am always open to discussing, and feel families should discuss it more as I had no idea what my mums wishes were when she died.
    Death is an inevitable part of life, and I feel the taboo nature around discussing it needs to change.
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 12,112 Disability Gamechanger
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    @janer1967 senior management did suggest discussing it with the kids (33 and 37 and I still call them kids !) but my reasoning is that this is our decision.

    When mum died my nephew convinced my dad that she would have wanted a church service as well as at the crem, nothing could have been further from the truth, it was an awful time for dad as in all it took an hour and a half and at then end he could hardly stand up he was so grief stricken, so when dad died last year I put my foot down and said crem only.

    I think its all a matter of personal choice, but as Dusty rightly says it's something that we don't discuss properly.

    2024 Election won

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    It definitely is a personal choice 

    I often think it is the ones left behind that all the ceremony is for and not the person who has departed 

    This may seem a contradiction to what I said earlier I was just pointing out before how I personally felt it hard this way but I would have probably felt the same however it had been 

    It's the person and the memories you shared together that last not the service you decide on 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
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    My children know what I want  I want a celebration of I would like to be in a wicker coffin  pink inside white outside pink flowers  and happy songs and people comeing to my celebration of life to wear pink 

    I have told my children I know they will miss me whatever age I die but since the age of 26 I have been my happiest  I was happy haveing my children I had before that age but it was a hard time I have built up my life I gave had a couple of wobbles but I am back on track 
  • Fourpence
    Fourpence Community member Posts: 17 Connected
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    Hi I'm uncertain about funerals. Both my parents died at different time, but 500 miles where they wanted to be buried. Even though my mum went first and dad as an Irish Catholic had the final say, it was so expensive, they charge for every county the body goes through, it put about £1500 extra on the bill. Then blow me the same happened when dad went 15 yrs later. The problem is none of us live where they are buried so the grave and headstone aren't looked after. We do pay people to do it but that's an on going expense.
    I do go to church so would like some prays at least. During the pandemic the costs of funeral was more than halved as you didn't have the expense for needing a big venue, the wake ect. But it does leave a painful service as you don't think you have gave your loved one the best. It really is personal choice and once again the poor v the rich. 
  • saversam
    saversam Community member Posts: 79 Courageous
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    Excellent question & discussion. And as has been pointed out a personal choice. Our wishes are  No frills, as simple & fuss free as possible . The cost of a funeral  is obscene. Our son is aware of what we want, ( & definitely don,t want) . Our much loved & missed dog is buried under some trees in our garden, , It,s a lovely peaceful area, with a bench made by my husband, for us to go & sit & talk to our boy, which we still do even after 14 years, & that will be mine & my husband,s final resting place. That for us will be a perfect funeral. 
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community member Posts: 14,982 Disability Gamechanger
    edited May 2021
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    Call me tight but even £1,595 sounds steep to me for what is basically shipping a 100kg parcel and shipping an urn back. Now I know there is probably extra procedure involved in transporting a human body compared to shipping 100 kilograms of product, but in my opinion that comes back to the already made point someone is likely earning a living from those procedures i.e. people are profiting from death. Also one of my pet hates which is superfluous admin/paperwork - I'd turn in my grave knowing my money was going on that!

    All that said I would say it's up to my family to decide what they want to do with me when I am no longer about. I may have my own wishes but they are meaningless when I am gone as the people that matter are those left behind. If a fancy ceremony makes them feel even a little better about me no longer being around then that is up to them. Personally I am with you though Woodbine in that I'd rather my family did something more useful and practical with my/their money.
  • Pixie51
    Pixie51 Community member Posts: 70 Courageous
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    I have had the sad experience of burying my son and the whole funeral was an awful experience purely to give his schoolfriends a chance to say goodbye. As a family we did it in our time in the privacy of our own safe environment. I completely understand some families wanting that to be their goodbye time for us but my hubby, I and our daughter have said categorically since that day its the simplest thing for us which is a simole cremation. No services. Its all very personal choices

    Pix
    Yoga heals the soul ??
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 12,112 Disability Gamechanger
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    @Pixie51sorry to read that you lost your son, I can't even begin to understand how traumatic that must be x

    2024 Election won

  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
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    If you have no money then the state pay for it I have a friend who is an undertaker  and 45 per cent of funerals are paid by the state and if your on uc ir other benefits  you can claim money to pay for a funeral 
  • moniccaa
    moniccaa Community member Posts: 1 Listener
    edited April 2022
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    It can be really traumatic so I recommend you to find some good and reliable funeral service somewhere on the Internet, just don't forget to check all the reviews beforehand. As for me, I have already worked with these professionals from Newrest Funerals so probably it will help you too right now. Best wishes.

    Moderator Note: Advertising Link removed, please see our Community House Rules for reference.
  • POGGYFLOSS
    POGGYFLOSS Scope Member Posts: 38 Courageous
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    A few years ago a friend of ours died in South Africa which is where she was from it is quite common over there to have a simple nonattended cremation followed by a scattering of the ashes and then a family get together yeah okay it could be called a wake we called it a party because that's the kind of person she was my initial feelings were it was a bit odd and then I was completely converted yes there was a great deal of sadness she had had MS for many many years but everyone could talk about her as she was throughout her life not just the recent past now it did help that her ashes were scattered at a beach where there are resident African penguins which she adored and then her immediate family husband and two sons went somewhere else to scatter the reminder at a stopover place for picnics on family trips we all learnt how she was to each member of the family and friends nobody had to spend money on dressing up okay we had flights to pay for everyone else it was just a car trip and meet up food and drink have a laugh have a cry and rather than worrying about all the features of a funeral we could spend our time talking to each other I am a complete convert and that is what I'd like oh and also Gary Moore playing Parisian walkways live version at full blast thank you!
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 12,112 Disability Gamechanger
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  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi all
    It's so funny that i stumbled across this thread, and it's still active.
    Me and hubby been talking about this lately, we don't have a funeral plan in place, it's a lot of money, we do have life insurance but as were getting older thats decreasing, bit of a con really.
    We have been talking a lot about simple funeral - were you don't have a service, the council cremate at any time, but pass the ashes on to the family, to do as they wish. 
    We both have a place were we want our ashes to be scattered.
    It is something we have to discuss with our family, in our old heads a funeral is your way of saying good bye and moving on, so we need to know how our lads think about it.
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,499 Disability Gamechanger
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    I think it's good to speak to your family about your wishes @SueHeath :) My parents have, and I know they have it all written down so that it's not something my siblings and I would have to worry about after they've died. 

    That sounds like a positive experience, and a lovely send-off @POGGYFLOSS :) 

    National Campaigns Officer at Scope, she/her

  • Jo_2022
    Jo_2022 Community Volunteer Host Posts: 297 Pioneering
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    Funerals are always unpleasant and there is an emptiness in the air. I remember our neighbours son died in a motorcycle accident, and they had a cremation for him and a church service. I believe death is about letting go and moving on. I always feel the person that died would want people to respect their wishes. 

    Community Volunteer Host with a passion for human rights.


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