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Funerals

woodbine
woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,664 Disability Gamechanger
Not something many of us want to contemplate or even talk about, and perhaps its not a subject for a Friday night? And if moderators think it's not something for scope then feel free to remove it.
Senior management (the good lady wife) and myself have decided that we want to go down the "pure cremation" road when our time comes.

You may have seen one of their many TV ads recently (perhaps insensitive given the current circumstances?) Basically they collect the body, arrange for it's cremation with no service of any kind and return the ashes to the next of kin.

As it stands today you can expect to pay in excess of £4000 for a traditional cremation with all the trimmings and that cost is increasing and is expected to be over £5000 by 2026, we can buy a pure cremation today for £1595 a big saving.

I'd be interested to know what you think about the idea?

I am a person with epilepsy not an epileptic, my illness doesn't define me.

Comments

  • leeCal
    leeCal Member Posts: 4,342 Disability Gamechanger
    edited May 7
    I think a no nonsense departure would suit a lot of people and if I put my logical cap on it would suit me too. I have been to too many funerals and they do give an opportunity for a eulogy though such a tribute could be expressed at a private wake afterwards I suppose. 

    Its about closure really for the living family and friends and I think I’d want a wake at least for that reason. Thinking out loud really.

    I'm a bit of a conspiracy theorist...as if you didn't know.


  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,893 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @woodbine

    Having had something similar for my dad as he donated his body yo medical science so they cremate once they have done the research 

    However I found it very hard personally I didn't feel I had said my goodbye and in reality the grief hit much later once we had his ashes 18 months later . However it was his and my mumd wishes and I respected that 

    I understand your thinking behind it but I would suggest you discuss it first with other fa.ily members but at the end of the day its your decision 








    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • Dusty_Hammer
    Dusty_Hammer Member Posts: 23 Connected
    Hey. This is something me and my dad have discussed, and that’s exactly what I will be doing with him when he dies - and then chucking his ashes off the end of a certain pier! My mum died 11 years ago so it’s something I am always open to discussing, and feel families should discuss it more as I had no idea what my mums wishes were when she died.
    Death is an inevitable part of life, and I feel the taboo nature around discussing it needs to change.
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,664 Disability Gamechanger
    @janer1967 senior management did suggest discussing it with the kids (33 and 37 and I still call them kids !) but my reasoning is that this is our decision.

    When mum died my nephew convinced my dad that she would have wanted a church service as well as at the crem, nothing could have been further from the truth, it was an awful time for dad as in all it took an hour and a half and at then end he could hardly stand up he was so grief stricken, so when dad died last year I put my foot down and said crem only.

    I think its all a matter of personal choice, but as Dusty rightly says it's something that we don't discuss properly.
    I am a person with epilepsy not an epileptic, my illness doesn't define me.
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,893 Disability Gamechanger
    It definitely is a personal choice 

    I often think it is the ones left behind that all the ceremony is for and not the person who has departed 

    This may seem a contradiction to what I said earlier I was just pointing out before how I personally felt it hard this way but I would have probably felt the same however it had been 

    It's the person and the memories you shared together that last not the service you decide on 
    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • mikehughescq
    mikehughescq Member Posts: 7,827 Disability Gamechanger
    The cost of dying is little short of obscene and frankly it should be state handled and free. Do you pay to be born? Why exactly then should you pay to die?

    Anything which puts pressure on to lower the overcharging has to be a posture so I’d say go for it. It’s an attractive idea. My only qualm would be as described above really. Factoring in closure for others. A short humanist ceremony would do the trick though.
  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Member Posts: 4,714 Disability Gamechanger
    My children know what I want  I want a celebration of I would like to be in a wicker coffin  pink inside white outside pink flowers  and happy songs and people comeing to my celebration of life to wear pink 

    I have told my children I know they will miss me whatever age I die but since the age of 26 I have been my happiest  I was happy haveing my children I had before that age but it was a hard time I have built up my life I gave had a couple of wobbles but I am back on track 
  • mikehughescq
    mikehughescq Member Posts: 7,827 Disability Gamechanger
    posture = positive in my earlier post. 
  • Fourpence
    Fourpence Member Posts: 17 Listener
    Hi I'm uncertain about funerals. Both my parents died at different time, but 500 miles where they wanted to be buried. Even though my mum went first and dad as an Irish Catholic had the final say, it was so expensive, they charge for every county the body goes through, it put about £1500 extra on the bill. Then blow me the same happened when dad went 15 yrs later. The problem is none of us live where they are buried so the grave and headstone aren't looked after. We do pay people to do it but that's an on going expense.
    I do go to church so would like some prays at least. During the pandemic the costs of funeral was more than halved as you didn't have the expense for needing a big venue, the wake ect. But it does leave a painful service as you don't think you have gave your loved one the best. It really is personal choice and once again the poor v the rich. 
  • mikehughescq
    mikehughescq Member Posts: 7,827 Disability Gamechanger
    It really is personal choice and once again the poor v the rich. 
    Totally agree. There’s a whole industry around death and profit shouldn’t be involved at all. 
  • saversam
    saversam Member Posts: 79 Courageous
    Excellent question & discussion. And as has been pointed out a personal choice. Our wishes are  No frills, as simple & fuss free as possible . The cost of a funeral  is obscene. Our son is aware of what we want, ( & definitely don,t want) . Our much loved & missed dog is buried under some trees in our garden, , It,s a lovely peaceful area, with a bench made by my husband, for us to go & sit & talk to our boy, which we still do even after 14 years, & that will be mine & my husband,s final resting place. That for us will be a perfect funeral. 
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,782 Disability Gamechanger
    edited May 8
    Call me tight but even £1,595 sounds steep to me for what is basically shipping a 100kg parcel and shipping an urn back. Now I know there is probably extra procedure involved in transporting a human body compared to shipping 100 kilograms of product, but in my opinion that comes back to the already made point someone is likely earning a living from those procedures i.e. people are profiting from death. Also one of my pet hates which is superfluous admin/paperwork - I'd turn in my grave knowing my money was going on that!

    All that said I would say it's up to my family to decide what they want to do with me when I am no longer about. I may have my own wishes but they are meaningless when I am gone as the people that matter are those left behind. If a fancy ceremony makes them feel even a little better about me no longer being around then that is up to them. Personally I am with you though Woodbine in that I'd rather my family did something more useful and practical with my/their money.
  • Pixie51
    Pixie51 Member Posts: 70 Courageous
    I have had the sad experience of burying my son and the whole funeral was an awful experience purely to give his schoolfriends a chance to say goodbye. As a family we did it in our time in the privacy of our own safe environment. I completely understand some families wanting that to be their goodbye time for us but my hubby, I and our daughter have said categorically since that day its the simplest thing for us which is a simole cremation. No services. Its all very personal choices

    Pix
    Yoga heals the soul 🙏💖
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,664 Disability Gamechanger
    @Pixie51sorry to read that you lost your son, I can't even begin to understand how traumatic that must be x
    I am a person with epilepsy not an epileptic, my illness doesn't define me.
  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Member Posts: 4,714 Disability Gamechanger
    If you have no money then the state pay for it I have a friend who is an undertaker  and 45 per cent of funerals are paid by the state and if your on uc ir other benefits  you can claim money to pay for a funeral 
  • mikehughescq
    mikehughescq Member Posts: 7,827 Disability Gamechanger
    edited May 9
    Jeepers Lisa do you believe everything someone tells you. 

    The number of funerals paid for by “the state” is nothing like that high and claiming monies to pay for a basic funeral is one of the single hardest interactions with the DWP most people have. Most people simply don’t bother given the complexity. In 18/19 only about 29,000 funeral expenses payment were made out of around 600,000 deaths. The total paid out was about 45m. Definitely not 45%.

    The reality is that funerals cost more than £3,000 in most cases and the amount people pay does not vary with income. That’s a very telling statistic as it demonstrates unequivocally that any help available is not really that accessible. 

    There’s a detailed read on this and many other related issues at https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5c9ba9bf40f0b633f6c52a7e/funerals_market_study_-_final_report.pdf#page65. It will open a fair few eyes.

Brightness

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