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I don't live with my husband. My neighbours are threatening to say I do. Could this affect benefits?

nuttynetnuttynet Member Posts: 9 Listener
Hi. I'm new here and looking for help and advice. I'm seperated from my husband and have been for a few years. I'm classed as disabled and on benefits and live with my autistic son. I'm being targeted by bullies who live on my estate (housing association) who have threatened to ring up saying my husband is back living with me. He has his own flat that he pays rent/council tax/bills  and all his car insurance driving licence (everything) is at his address. He does come round and occasionally stays over as he knows I'm being targeted so wants to make sure me and my son are ok and we are trying to sort our marriage out. I've rang the benefits to tell them what my neighbours are threatening to do and have now had my severe disability element of income support temporarily suspended so they can investigate. I'd rather be honest than do something I'm not allowed to do. He pays his own bills and I do mine and we have plenty of evidence about this but I can't help but worry. I honestly didn't think I was doing anything wrong and hope I'm not. He helps me when I'm not well so kind of like a carer but he has his own place to retreat to. Hope someone can give me some advice.
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Replies

  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 11,205 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi there 

    From reading up on this subject myself when I was seeing someone it said exactly what you say 

    As long as you can both prove you are responsible for separate properties eg bills and stuff then that is all that is required 

    Hopefully the investigation will be completed soon 

    Let us know how you get on 
  • mikehughescqmikehughescq Member Posts: 6,646 Disability Gamechanger
    Little to worry about provided you are open, honest and detailed. If he effectively occupies his own household then that's the end of the matter. 
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Posts: 5,039

    Scope community team

    Welcome to the community :) I hope the above replies have put your mind at ease a little @nuttynet. I'm sure that this must be a stressful experience for you. Have you been coping okay whilst the investigation has been going on? 
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  • nuttynetnuttynet Member Posts: 9 Listener
    Thank you all for your responses. I'm not in a good way mentally which is why he feels he needs to stop with me. I don't know if there's a limit on how often he can come round though so it's worrying. I rang them and was honest so hopefully they'll realise that. We have loads of evidence to show he has his own bills to pay so not worrying about that now just how long he can be at my house.
  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 11,205 Disability Gamechanger
    There is no limit 

    It used to be 3 nights per week but this no longer applies as far as I found when I looked into it 
  • nuttynetnuttynet Member Posts: 9 Listener
  • mikehughescqmikehughescq Member Posts: 6,646 Disability Gamechanger
    There was never a limit on the number of times someone could stay over. No idea where that’s come from?
  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 11,205 Disability Gamechanger
    @mikehughescq i think it just used to be a presumption and was mentioned on lots of the sites I read up on that it did used to be what was advised 
     my ex husbands ex wife got investigated for this year's ago and was told it was 3 night limit by the dwp investigator 

    But we know they ate not always best at giving advice 

    The ex did get prosecuted for fraud but 4ightly so as her partner did live with her and no other residence 
  • MarkN88MarkN88 Member Posts: 1,314 Pioneering
    Ive heard it mentioned a few times by various people but not sure where it’s come from because as Mike says there has never been a limit. 
  • cupcake88cupcake88 Member Posts: 957 Pioneering
    Hi I’m sorry you are being targeted by your neighbours that can’t be nice for you . Let’s us know how your getting on . I’m sure it will be fine because he has his own house and you have yours so as long you can prove that I don’t see why you won’t get your benefit have they stopped all your benefits ? 

    Kind regards 
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Posts: 5,039

    Scope community team

    Have you been able to access any professional support for your mental health @nuttynet

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  • nuttynetnuttynet Member Posts: 9 Listener
    I haven't had all my benefits stopped just the severe disability premium that tops up my income support so I have money to live off just less so it could be worse. 
    As for my mental health I've spoke to my housing manager today who can offer some support for me. I actually should have moved as she is doing a managers move because of all this going on to a new house but because of covid the builders are taking longer to complete the house. Got another 3 months at least to stay where I am unfortunately. 
  • SarahUCESarahUCE Member Posts: 22 Pioneering
    There was never a limit on the number of times someone could stay over. No idea where that’s come from?
    Sadly it’s an idea that’s been around for quite some time - often perpetuated by Job Centre staff. I’ve even heard people told it at compliance interviews which just beggars belief. 
  • nuttynetnuttynet Member Posts: 9 Listener
    The woman I spoke to today said if he stays over it's like he's living there so that's why I can't have the part for severe disability as it's for people living on their own. It's crazy cos he doesn't support me financially as he has his own bills etc to sort out and stays at his own flat just stops at mine when I'm in a bad way. In fact when he shops for me or takes me to appointments I give him money for petrol as he works and pays a lot in CSA for his son (not mine) so doesn't have much after his bills.
  • calcotticalcotti Member Posts: 2,255 Pioneering
    nuttynet said:
    The woman I spoke to today said if he stays over it's like he's living there so that's why I can't have the part for severe disability as it's for people living on their own. 
    That is incorrect. If he normally resides elsewhere and can evidence this by liability for Council Tax, rent, bills etc then it doesn’t matter if he stays over with you to help you.
    Information I post is for England unless otherwise stated. Rules may be different in other parts of UK.
  • nuttynetnuttynet Member Posts: 9 Listener
    That's what I thought so didn't think I was doing anything wrong but because my neighbours have shouted down the street at me they were going to grass me for him being here I rang them myself just to ask if he was ok to stay and they stopped my money till it's investigated. It's crazy. I will let you all know the outcome after the investigation incase anyone else is in the same situation.
  • mikehughescqmikehughescq Member Posts: 6,646 Disability Gamechanger
    SarahUCE said:
    There was never a limit on the number of times someone could stay over. No idea where that’s come from?
    Sadly it’s an idea that’s been around for quite some time - often perpetuated by Job Centre staff. I’ve even heard people told it at compliance interviews which just beggars belief. 
    For some time you can read "since roughly 1966". It comes up from time to time but it's never been a thing. 
  • newbornnewborn Member Posts: 713 Pioneering
    Other people are expert, not me, but because you have been (unwisely) scared and bullied into notifying the benefits people that there is a suggestion your ex husband is living with you, you will need to take positive steps yourself.  You say you have a manager's move coming up in about 3 months.  Why not get the documents showing where your ex husband lives and pays bills, and ask her to forward them to the benefits people with a covering letter telling them she is having to move you because of bullying? (By the way,   I suggest that because you and your ex husband have split up, and set up your two different homes, you would make things easier for people to understand if you use the term "EX husband" even though you are not formally divorced, only separated)
    . You are caring for your ex husband's disabled child, and you have mental health difficulties made worse by bullying.  You cannot afford to have your benefits held on a stop indefinitely "pending investigation"   The benefits people will need to have the proof of where your ex husband lives, so send an extra copy (no original documents, and proof of delivery) of all the evidence to them as well as the set you give to your housing manager.  (And, evidence that the bullying neighbours who are trying to frighten you by making malicious and false allegations are known to her as trying to torment you in any way they can, which is why she is getting you moved away from them.) 
    Your ex husband is entitled to visit his child, and  entitled to protect his child and his child's carer (you),  when bullying neighbours threaten you.   
    You and he are even entitled to attempt to repair your marriage,(!) and let's hope you do, but I suggest you don't 'jump the gun' by mentioning any possibility, until it is a certainty.   Fine, if it works, and if the two of you do one day in the future  set up home together, then of course notify of your changed circumstances.  You are clearly extremely honest so you wouldn't dream of pretending to be single if it is not true.  But for now it is true, and you are single, and your ex husband does have his own home.  
  • nuttynetnuttynet Member Posts: 9 Listener
    Thank you. Yes I am honest which is why I rang myself. I have letters from my doctor's saying I need a move because of the neighbours when it all first started. It's just something I could do without but at least if they have everything on file if any more calls are made they will hopefully just ignore them as malicious. I was put into the extremely vulnerable category through lockdown so he helped me more then aswell as I couldn't go out even if I felt up to it. 
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