Invisible conditions, finally seeing myself 🫥

Glen1981

I have finally properly sat and read my Ed psych report on my disability. For too long I wanted to ignore it (easily done when you give it to universities or jobs and they just stick it in a filing cabinet) and I see that I cannot think in a crowded noisy environment.

Part of me knew this already, but when people say “don’t be so stupid” I beloved them over my own feelings and constraints.

I think it is easy for an invisible disability to be hidden from ourselves as others have a firm world view that they are right, and when so many people are saying you don’t have a disability then you nod and sigh and get depressed and try your best.

I’m not sure what the next step is for me, I know that it isn’t a weakness to improve or battle on with. It is a threat and always has been. Trying to keep up with others when the environment makes it impossible only makes us look worse than we are and feel worse than we should.

I would even go as far as applying the same thoughts to menopause, or teenagers, or anyone who says “this environment makes it impossible to work efficiently”. Hidden barriers (be it thinking is like walking underwater or thinking is simply impossible) become so much worse when others cannot see them and tell you they are not there.

it’s been an enlightening week. I’m really curious what others with invisible conditions think. Or like me are stumbling over hidden barriers (noise, temperature, whatever) and being told “everyone else is fine” and either awaiting to be diagnosed or even more like me have been diagnosed but are not honest with themselves that they need help or are limited by their environment. 

Sandy_123

Hi @Glen1981 it can be hard at times to come to terms with disability. Then managing that against people who can't see what we feel. Then the obstacles that we are up against. 
Other people's opinions on our disability can sometimes be an unwelcome view. Lack of understanding sometimes on their part. 
We find our own ways to adapt knowing our own limitations. Usually avoiding situations that we know don't work well for us. 

Glen1981

I didn’t is my issue, I am naturally pig headed and stubborn and have spent years forcing myself to be in situations and experiences I didn’t function well in. In a misguided need to be “normal”. I know now that this black and white thinking has been more of a limiting factor than a strength and that it isn’t improving resilience to keep jumping in the deep end and nearly drowning. Real resilience is knowing your limit and swimming… 

it’s taken me over 15 years to slowly undo the Mindset of the previous 25 years.

I just others have better opportunities for self care than I had growing up. 

Thanks for your feedback. 

Sandy_123

Its good to reflect and start new paths. Good luck