FTM Dysphoria During Sex

Kaide

As the title says, I had some questions about how others navigate(d) sex pre-transition. I will be getting very descriptive.

My main problem at the moment is that I do not yet have anything visually or functionally resembling a penis, but when I think about my partner pleasuring me, and what I would want from them, I can't imagine anything other than getting my (currently nonexistent) dick palmed and played with. This obviously can't work at the moment, and any attempt to focus on clitoral stimulation just makes the dysphoria worse. My partner is very accommodating and has tried using masculine genital language to help, but it only works up to the point of actual physical contact. I gain absolutely nothing from internal stimulation as well, so my partner and I are struggling to find a way for me to receive equal pleasure during sex.

When alone, I focus on hands-free clitoral stimulation and imagine that it is a dick, which works because the stimulation is so vague. When I can feel actual hands or fingers, it breaks the illusion and no longer works.

Any advice or tips on approaching this kind of dysphoria?

Leo_Aces

Hello @Kaide, I’m sorry to hear that your dealing with dysphoria regarding genital and sex at the moment.

I am glad to hear that it sounds that you can be open with your partner about your feeling. It also sounds like you have some open communication regarding the language you would like to be used. 

You say that when you are alone you have explored hands-free options. Have you consider speaking to your partner about the possibility of using devices\toys together? As well as the possibility of explore different sexual roles? 

Some FTMs may find ”Pack & Play” devices can aid dysphoria 

Tori_Scope

Welcome to the community @Kaide Thank you for joining, and for being so open in your first post here.

I hope that @Leo_Aces comment has helped! 

I'm wondering whether a strap on toy might work for you? You can wear them with specially designed pants, or a harness, and some look quite realistic (if that's your thing!). You can also get ones with space for a vibrator, if you enjoy that kind of stimulation. They can also be stimulating without the use of a vibrator, due to the pressure/friction, as well as the general sexiness of the imagery and actions you can do. I hope that makes sense! Is it something you've considered?

Ultimately, different things are going to work for different people, so trial and error will probably be your friend!

It's wonderful that you have such a supportive partner. That can make all the difference.

How are you finding your transition journey so far?

Kaide

Tori_Scope said:

Welcome to the community @Kaide Thank you for joining, and for being so open in your first post here.

I hope that @Leo_Aces comment has helped! 

I'm wondering whether a strap on toy might work for you? You can wear them with specially designed pants, or a harness, and some look quite realistic (if that's your thing!). You can also get ones with space for a vibrator, if you enjoy that kind of stimulation. They can also be stimulating without the use of a vibrator, due to the pressure/friction, as well as the general sexiness of the imagery and actions you can do. I hope that makes sense! Is it something you've considered?

Ultimately, different things are going to work for different people, so trial and error will probably be your friend!

It's wonderful that you have such a supportive partner. That can make all the difference.

How are you finding your transition journey so far?

thank you for your suggestions and advice! I've considered sexual prosthetics, but for me it's much less about the visual. I've also avoided it a bit since I worry it will feel more like a reminder of what I'm currently lacking. I'll definitely give it more consideration and try to open up to the idea of trying it out! 

I actually just started my physical transition! I got approved to start T and am anxiously waiting for the prescription!

Tori_Scope

That's understandable @kaide As I say, different things will work for different people, so it might take a little while to find out what feels best for both you and your partner. 

Do you follow any trans influencers? I'm sure I've seen a few videos from trans guys talking about this kind of dysphoria, so I'd encourage you to take a look on YouTube if you haven't already. 

Ahh, great news about starting T! I can imagine it must feel exciting, if a little nerve-wracking. How are you feeling about it? 

Leo_Aces

Yes, congrats on beginning your physical transition! I'm sure you know this already but when you have been on T for even just a couple of weeks and months, you'll start to feel and see growth. Hopefully this may help you dysphoria a little, also you may find that you and your partner can explore different ways of been interment and having sex, due to not only the growth but how the T will increase your sex drive. 

I recommend checking out @Jammidodger https://youtube.com/shorts/HzbkOOAD5Xo?feature=share

Kaide

Leo_Aces said:

Yes, congrats on beginning your physical transition! I'm sure you know this already but when you have been on T for even just a couple of weeks and months, you'll start to feel and see growth. Hopefully this may help you dysphoria a little, also you may find that you and your partner can explore different ways of been interment and having sex, due to not only the growth but how the T will increase your sex drive. 

I recommend checking out @Jammidodger https://youtube.com/shorts/HzbkOOAD5Xo?feature=share

Thank you for the resource recommendation! I do follow Jamie, and have watched Leo Mateus' playlist of transition explanation videos! To answer Tori as well, I'm extremely excited, and I've done a lot of research and consultation prior to the decision, since I do also have a number of genetic conditions that I was concerned may react poorly to the change, so I luckily have a very clear idea of what changes (desireable and undesireable) I may see.

I'm in the process of moving into a house with my partner that is a bit further away from where my (unfortunately less than supportive parents) live, so I'm hoping that will give me the space to explore my external presentation more freely, as well as giving my parents space to hopefully come to terms with the reality of the situation. All in all, things are moving in an ideal direction!

Tori_Scope

Great news about the move @Kaide Keep us updated on how you get on with that. It can be tough when parents aren't supportive, but hopefully this will give you more of an opportunity to experiment with how you present. 

I've seen quite a few of JammiDodger's videos too, and found them informative. I've seen a couple from Noahfinnce, Ty Turner, and Sam Switz, too. I'm sure there are more, but those are some I can think of off the top of my head. 

It's great that you feel informed about what changes you might see, and how these may affect you