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Struggling to remain positive

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  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Community member Posts: 7,942 Disability Gamechanger
    Good morning @thespiceman

    I am OK thanks for asking, how are you? :)

    I do love a bit of film history :) your knowledge on many subjects always makes me intrigued to learn more! :)

    Do you have any favourite comedians?

    Weather here is dreary too, can't wait for all the flowers to start blossoming :)

    Not sure what I would like to do today yet, I am sure I will find something :)

    Take all the time that you need, I just love being part of this extraordinary community, that's why I am on here majority of my days :)

    Hope you have a good day and take it easy :)

    Your Butterfly Friend
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Just saying hi, @thespiceman, @Ami2301

    Taking a few minutes from responding to others' and new posts to say hello and to hope you are both well.
    Thank you spiceman, for your interest, but I don't think I am significantly unwell. I was born with a minor congenital foot defect that, but for surgery, would have become club foot, and with hammer toes. Had surgery on both in my teens so that my feet looked relatively normal but which, I think, effectively took the 'suspension' out of my body. My feet always seem to hit the ground rather flat and hard and, after 66 years of walking on them I think they and my kneecaps have got a bit worn. Compared to what most people here have to deal with it is absolutely nothing, almost embarrassing to mention.

    Wanted to tell you both that I'm still here, still listening out and looking for your posts.

    Made time for the park yesterday and managed to take a shot of this charmer. The parakeets have taken to the wild and this chap, and a lot of his young lady friends, feed easily from one's hand. Hope you enjoy :smile:
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Ami2301 My Butterfly friend good to speak to you.  Yes I love being on here.
    You learn so much and we can as a community help ,advise each other.

    I do have a lot of knowledge, being modest again.  Remember I spent a lot of time being ill in hospital.  Reading my thing and then the family I had so boring holidays.  They all went to the beach.

    I ended up in libraries, museums, art galleries you learn so much, more knowledge at these places.

    May I ask have you been to any, museums, art galleries they often have some do.  I know sensory experiences.  For those like yourself with your disability.

    Where they have exhibitions that use touch, feel and use talking to describe objects.

    I think mainly in London I believe.

    Always learning new stuff.  You are teaching me as well remember.  I have learnt so much from you.  Thank you.

    My favourite comedians again it is the really old ones.  Sorry I like Sir Ken Dodd, Sir Norman Wisdom, Ronnie Barker, Peter Sellers, Frankie Howard.  Bob Monkhouse.  Morecambe and Wise, Tommy Cooper. Eric Sykes.

    In the days when there was Radio these guys ruled the air waves and had huge audiences.  All successful on TV.   Many graduated to film which helped them to wider acclaim.

    The Ladies Victoria Wood and Dame Julie Walters  Victoria Wood on TV.  Dame Julie Walters does not many comic roles.  Does straight stuff.  Stilling waiting for Educating Rita with her and Michael Caine do a sequel.  Very good.

    I love puns and play on words, daft, silly jokes.

    Went to see Tim Vine who does this The Pun Master great after about half hour then after that do not really get it.  Not funny.

    Met a few above in my time.  I am afraid the modern stuff and shows do not find it funny.

    There is a guy called Ricky Gervais who takes the biscuit in being unfunny, and makes unnecessary poking fun at our community.  Not at least impressed.

    Yes there are boundaries in comedy but should not be broken.  Find him insulting.

    Especially the money they get.  Rant and rave over.

    I hope you have a pleasant day hope to speak to you soon.

    Take care The Mystery Man
    The Spiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
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  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Community member Posts: 7,942 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @RichardVR

    I am OK thank you, how are you today?

    He is very stunning! Birds are beautiful creatures!

    Hope to chat again soon my friend :)

    Ami xxx
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RichardVR Good afternoon I am glad you OK must have mistook for something else.  I do care about every one included yourself.

    Have these days, I hope you are doing OK.  Yes that is a problem for me, walking just hope I can struggle around when the bad weather comes next week.

    Time to stock up again.

    Great photo excellent.  Good to go out and see Wildlife.  We have these places up here Wetlands and Washington wildfowl Centre used to go a lot.  Great but cold day out.  Used to do a lot of that.  As I got older lose the interest.  Not much fun on your own, where the tissues.

    Got yesterday the Motobility package for my car yes, time is near to end of contract.  I just know if I fail PIP will have to consider either buying current vehicle or look around for similar. Problem is I drive an automatic and it has to be a small one, too large struggle.  Met a lad last week quite elderly got a Juke is it.  By Nissan can 't really drive it he says to me in the carpark.

     Pray and hope I succeed in passing the assessment.

    Had an extension to current lease, so this time could be limbo.

    I live in a small village no good transport links, have limited buses and the rest of the scenario.  Shops in area non exsistence, nearest good one about 5 miles plus away.

    So I hope and pray I pass if I get PIP.  Have some savings not much but enough I think.

    How do you get around?  I wonder.  Traffic a nightmare do you like driving? It is easy to use Trains, Buses.

    I have lots of country lanes to drive away and around, hell when some silly driver speeding.  Like the other day in icy roads, how he did not hit me, still God drives with me, to keep me safe.

    Hope you keep safe, thank you for your time

    Always in my thoughts and prayers
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
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  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @thespiceman, and thank you for your words.
    I have 'these days' too, where nothing seems to come out right. Being here, meeting people like yourself and Ami has done a great deal to improve my state of mind.
    Do you know everything you need to know about your PIP assessment? There's a very good resource or two under 'Talk about PIP/DLA'.
    Living in the London suburbs I keep my driving to a minimum. I've lived in some mad driving places in my time, but London takes the biscuit. In my local area car parking is such that they pretty much have to grease the sides of our local buses to get them between parked cars. I really don't know how the bus drivers manage it, but they do. My primary place to visit is St James's Park in central London, which means a five minute drive from my house to my nearest station, then a 40 or so minute train ride to Victoria and 10 minutes tube travel to the park. It all works remarkably well, and being a pensioner the only cost involved is that for car parking at the station. It's still better to pay that, whilst I can still afford it, than stand around in the cold waiting for a bus on the return journey.
    And when I go up to town I look rather as if I am about to invade Poland. I wear a camo combat jacket and a rig of camo ammunition and other pouches that contain all my lenses and extra bits. Must look weird, but it works for me - all about weather-proofing and weight distribution.
    In my favourite spot in St James's the wild birds - our new invaders the parakeets, blue, coal and great tits, robins and some others, will flit down and eat from my hand, and between them and the squirrels they keep me well occupied.
    We have some Wetlands that I keep promising myself I'll visit, and various other large parks and things where I can observe birds.
    Great to be in touch with you, Spiceman.
    Take good care of yourself
    Affection
    Richard
  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Community member Posts: 7,942 Disability Gamechanger
    Good evening @thespiceman

    How has your day been? :)

    I remember going to various museums as a child, especially school trips. Can't remember the names of the places though. 

    You will be pleased to know I have heard of all of them :) 

    My favourite is Joe Pasquale. I agree with you on that, it angers me how they think they can do that just to get a few laughs!

    Speak soon :)

    Your Butterfly Friend
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RichardVR Thank you Good Morning.  Strange day yesterday, just I think a lot of little things, do worry.

    Had a quiet night very tired.  So afraid I did not come on here as usual.  I do know what the issue is, I am good at identifying problems.

    I have talked to you about PIP will look at everything.  I am still on the old DLA award.  Issue is waiting if and when assessment.  When the forms come will have to contact our local welfare support group.  Plus also getting help and support here of course.

    It is the little niggling doubt of what is going to happen.  I have received the car motobility package the other day.  All the information I will get much as possible.  From motobility the outcome, my rights.  Last time the guy on the other end was very pleasant.

    Extended the contract one year, this time can not do that.  Did you know it is not helpful is it not, when you look at what cars are available.  The one you drive is not available on automatic.

    So I have that to consider.  If I get PIP if and when it comes.  My little brain started to think please let me have PIP, please get me through any assessment when it comes.  Please do not leave me in limbo with out transport.

    All of us especially my age and beyond this when I would like to see rule changes.  If you are an older driver, should be accepted to get the higher rate of PIP.  Only exceptional circumstances.  If you are living on your own, have no family, no reliable source of income.  Do have savings then can be added together with your allowance to purchase vehicle in the long run.

    Over three years and beyond.  The rules are so complex and change constantly.

    This my opinion and I have said the above to the advisor on the phone.  Reaching a certain age comes with problems and issues.  Then if to be turned down at the age where the help should be there from the Government.

    I know some one who was turned down on the higher rate, got a disability in my opinion not like mine.  Now on the middle rate, gets PIP lost car.  In his middle fifties and can not go out shopping and the rest.

    Had a car for about ten years or more from the scheme.  He is different to me in the sense he has family, even so he has to be transported around.

    I think I have said enough do go on.  It is the same for a lot of our community though.  Who are reliant on this scheme its benefited me enormously and met and made more social aware of my motobility needs as I age in this increasing fragile world.  Where if you are a certain age you seem to be forgotten and treated badly with the Governments attitude towards us all.

    I will speak to soon.  Just got this on my mind you can imagine.

    I find annoying got information pack from DWP ages go about PIP and what will happen.  All it says will write to you when the time arrives.  I know people in my mental health charity have been assessed all have lost benefit, changes.  They have got PIP but different rate.

    That is the other thing do not have that now as well.  That has finished.  My support worker really good calming me down.  End of three year contract.

    I hope you do not mind, I will have to speak to if I have any worries.

    Please can I say this part of my illness.  Anxiety and the one good real thing is that I have been careful and sensible.  Have put money away savings.  Is that enough I say to myself.

    Please can I thank you for reading this, I need to talk sometimes too much.  You are amazing, patience and tolerant.

    Thank you 

    Take care my friend.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
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  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Ami2301 Good morning how are you ? Thanks for reply.  Just a quiet strange day, really yesterday.

    Got a few worries about certain things re my post to Richard.  I bet you so glad to be reliant for your family support.

    I wish the family I had hoped them to be more understanding.  Instead in to a nightmare, constant abuse, torment.  I had money then was used as the feed bucket for family.

    Used and abuse any way, try to move on.  Met a family recently whose son was disabled and not very good, when out the other day.

    Shocked I still meet families who do not know the system and what is available.  I was approached by them questions ten a penny.  Constant how do you get that this ?  Saw me in my car disabled spot, shopping.  Told me briefly about them selves.

    Using savings, redundancy money to fund their sons care.  I directed them to this site and the many wonderful people of our community.  When and if I could get a word in edge ways.

    I felt not listening again I had to do my Christian duty and be patience, tolerant, understanding.  I hope I was.  It is not easy when some one you do not know shouting at you in frustration and anger.  That she and her family do not know anything.

    I suggested contact local council, still I afraid they will complain to all and sundry about their situation.  Not doing anything.  I am a listener but you have to do this I stressed to the Mother.

    I have great respect for every one in our community.  You have to try to start to look at what is best for your child, I explained.

    In the end I had to walk away.  I understand it is not easy.

    Today need to go out shopping and restock.  I believe cold weather on the way.

    Talking of comedy I just find recently some of these so called comedians.  Seem what to target the less well off, the poor, the disabled people in our community.  Is that satire or a cheap joke at who's expense.  I do think the depths of depravity have emerged in comedy if you wish to target people who are in our community.

    That is my view and opinion.  One who knows been to so called comedy gigs long time ago.  Seeing some unfunny guy making jests and may I say insults at members of the audience.  Audience not many turned up to see this guy.  Who I can not think of.  All I know was a nameless boring bloke, kept reaching for a laugh.  Horrible to watch and worse I still remember the experience.  What a nightmare.

    Also yesterday Billy Graham died he was a respected evangelist and preacher.  His sermons and his thoughts on God, Jesus worth every time a listen to.  His views on morality views and opinions well regarded.

    I use power of prayer for my own health needs.

    Always in my prayers my butterfly friend.

    Hope you keep safe speak to you soon.

    The Mystery Man The Spiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
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  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @thespiceman
    And no problem, my brother :) It's not a very practical idea, but if you were to send me novel-length posts I would still do my damnedest to read them. You are entirely worth it :) and your words give me a lot of interest and pleasure.

    I understand only too well what you are saying about anxiety and its effects on you. When I was worst affected - which was mostly during my childhood and adolescence - my anxiety was a sort of rat's nest woven out of tiny strands of anxiety. Most of the strands would have seemed nothing if they'd been examined individually, but woven into a package full of loose-ends and tangles they became at times almost fatal. I tried to end my own life for the first time when I was about 11 years old and for the last time when I reached 18 or so, though the desire to 'end it all', to escape from a world I simply could not understand and which often simply did not seem to be worth the effort, is something I've faced repeatedly through the 66 years of my life. And it doesn't help that to us, when we are able to identify a particular concern, it sounds to us as if others would find it trivial and laugh at us for so much as expressing it.

    I'm going to pick up a strand from your last post to Amy, that of 'humour'. You're probably aware that the 'key' to humour is that it's about making fun of things we're scared of. It is too often forgotten. Death and taxes, sex, wives and mothers-in-law, used to be - I think - the bedrock of 'British' humour. I suspect that while the State and its allies in the newspaper industry continue to treat the older, the disabled and the infirm in a way which makes people afraid of becoming any one of those things, 'humour' will slide in that direction.

    I understand your anxiety - and the anxiety in many in this community - about changes in benefits that can involve taking someone's mobility away. These are bad times in which justice is neither done nor seen to be done. I wish you, of course, the very best of fortune with your own application and we shall see how that goes. (Have you looked, by the way, at the frequently asked questions page in the PIP/DLA forum? You probably have but it's here, anyway: https://www.scope.org.uk/support/disabled-people/money/pip/faqs?_ga=2.229153689.405444417.1517054923-1832321402.1513208436 )

    Important to note, too, that if anything goes wrong with your application, there remains an appeal process, with something like 65% of appeals being successful.

    Your God be with you, my much-loved friend,
    Richard


  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Community member Posts: 7,942 Disability Gamechanger
    Good afternoon @thespiceman Had a rather low morning but am feeling a bit more positive now :) How are you today? :) Last year when I first came across PIP I was absolutely petrified! I had no clue whatsoever about benefits, did not understand them at all! Job centre were a massive help in pointing out which benefits I were most likely eligible for. When I first received the forms I panicked because of my eyesight deteriorating I couldn't read the questions or see where to write answers. Thankfully PIP sent me the forms again but in larger print. Got my assessment about a couple/few weeks after posting them. The lady who assessed me was really lovely - my mum had to speak on my behalf because I couldn't hear anything. Took all the paperwork I had accumulated, hospital letters, results, medical reports etc. She asked me to read the letters of one of them sight test things whilst standing up I kept losing my balance and I couldn't see the sight test board let alone the letters because of my central vision loss. So that was that. Got my decision just under 2 weeks after the assessment. I receive the enhanced rates on both components. I feel really bad because when I read that people have lots of issues with PIP, mine was straightforward. I still struggle understanding benefits but am slowly learning. Did you manage to stock up? Even though the sun is out its still chilly! I would say roll on summer but I can't stand being too hot lol Hope to speak soon :) Your Butterfly Friend
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • CockneyRebel
    CockneyRebel Community member Posts: 5,209 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Ami

    Thanks for a positive post
    No need to feel bad, you obviously deserve the award.
    To many people are denied due to the antics of assessors and not getting the help they need to fully explain their problems

    CR
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RichardVR Good evening any way glad you OK.  Just reading about how your mental health effected your life.  My friend I am glad to share and to know you.  I helps when some one has similar experiences.

    I am some days often resentful and do get days of anxiety plus depression.  A lot of it is why me Lord and how come I am here but others who were in my life.  Who had suffered relapses or illness or got close to and some thing happened.  Either they had infections and passed on or something else.

    I try to remain positive much as I can, unfortunately when I had addiction problems in the pas.  Taken a great deal of energy and time to stay off alcohol.

    Sometime in my life I had to move away not because I wish to but some one in my social circle has relapsed.  I got involved lost him to alcohol plus I have gone down with him, me relapsed.  Even though we I had met him being clean for a couple of months on my own.

    With limited resources, thought I could stop.  Only by going to clinic and rehab moving away.  This meant losing friends who all alcoholics, their families and the social circle.

    This is something a lot of us who have addiction have to do.  It is sad but I have to do.  Very stressful not only for me but for the person concerned.

    Had a friend last year met through the mental health charity,  Unfortunately I have heard through the grapevine has relapsed.  So I hope he can get sorted.  Previously a friend I had known been clean five years.  Then relapsed, contacted me.  I said make appointment clinic to help.  Told me no.  So I had to let go leave him alone.  Clear message there I am afraid.

    I understand about the taboo subjects around humour.  Never forget I used to in meetings crack a few gags and jokes to break ice in meetings.  Often pulled aside by senior manager you can't say that that is not PC.

    I know a time and place.

    Just me  I am sending I have noticed another bedtime story for you to enjoy.

    Only me I know, you must understand been out today.  Seen or spoken to no one. 

    Well one uninterested lad on the till who could not give a well bleep bleep.  Wanted to go home.  Just being polite as always.

    My stuff whizzing down the chute eggs and all.  Ready scrambled when I got home.  No patience tolerance or kindness.

    Managed to get two big bags for shopping hands, body really hurts for about a couple hours.

    Exhausted and tired so I will go leave you in peace.

    Hope you enjoy what ever you do take care

    Your friend


    Community Champion
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  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Community member Posts: 7,942 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @CockneyRebel

    Thank you :) My heart does go out to those who have to keep fighting and fighting for months even years.

    Nice to meet you by the way :)

    Hope you are well!

    Ami xxx
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Ami2301 Hope you OK yes I am glad you are being positive now.  We all have those mornings.  Perhaps you are like a butterfly and need the warmth of the sunshine to flutter your wings.

    I have to agree I wish the mornings were sun and shining and yearning for Spring.

    Plans for garden, look at herbs again.  Might get a bench do not know.  Need to do something.

    Good you got support and got your benefits sorted.  It is a complex, stressful and anxious time for all concerned.

    Been out shopping spoke to none saw this till lad who was duly uninterested in anything I had to say.

    Got a few more spices for my every growing collection.

    I know I am not a Summer person but are we glad when it is.  Life is too short.  I find sunshine lovely.  I am not a fan of humid heat.  Certain percentage humidity in the air.


    That's where spices play a role.  Chilli and other related spices cool you down.  Make you perspire but the blood cools. Science bit here.

    That is why they use them in countries that have high temperatures like India, Mexico and Africa.  Other hot countries as well.

    Looking to speak to you again

    I hope your wings keep fluttering in a myriad of rainbow colours
    Always in my thoughts
    Prayers

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @thespiceman

    Just a quick hello in response to your post, and an opportunity for me to say how much I admire the battle you have fought with addiction. As in so many other instances, I have been extremely lucky there. The closest I've got to an addiction was smoking, and even now I vape, but it is nothing in comparison with alcohol.

    So very, very glad to count you as a friend.
    Affection,
    Richard
  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Community member Posts: 7,942 Disability Gamechanger
    Good evening @thespiceman

    That is such a beautiful interpretation :) I will keep that in mind for when I feel low.

    My aim is to be open and frank about anything. Especially things that others may feel embarrassed to talk about. 

    My Occupational Therapist gave me a commode yesterday. Due to almost having an accident. When it was delivered and my mum placed it next to my chair I just stared at it (what I could see of it anyway). Frustration and anger hit me. Frustrated and angry because all the things I can do are very limited now.  Today my mum took me to a local day centre where people can use their bath and shower facilities. As I can no longer go upstairs this is my only option, apart from having a wash everyday. My mum has to help wash areas that I cannot reach. I just sat in the shower chair and cried. Like when my mum was washing my hair, putting shampoo and conditioner on, I so badly wanted to be able to do it myself. Then it all hit me like a ton of bricks, the things I could no longer do.  When we got home I sat back in my chair and checked my emails - majority were notifications from the online community. Which put a smile back on my face. You all are a part of my smile, my family, best friend and pets make up the rest of my smile :)

    I haven't been in the garden for a couple of months now, I did plant some seeds a few years ago, can't remember what flower it was called and ever since one or two bloom between spring and summer. When they come into bloom I will take a picture and show you :) 

    Speak soon :)

    Your Butterfly Friend
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Ami2301 Good morning How are you?  Thank you for sharing.  I admire your honesty and your positivity in trying to cope with sensitive and some times distressing things.

    I always appreciate the time we share.  I do feel for you and trying to cope.  Remember your are important and over time, gradually you will be able to give yourself opportunities to help yourself.  Adapting to new circumstances is the most distressing and upsetting part of being disabled.  

    It hurts me to see you getting upset annoyed, frustrated I have been there so many times.

    I have some days a lot of shouting, throwing things even have a stress ball.  It is a rubber ball that is really soft squeeze this to cope.  Mr Angry appears.

    New things are as I live on my own is the mishaps and accidents.  That occur these I had now try to get used to.

    I have days of annoyance and frustration like you.  Come on here have a rant and rave, I will listen. if I can will soothe and ease the pain.

    Please give yourself a chance give yourself treats little things that you like to do.

    Praise yourself, take any new task slowly.  This is how I cope.  Think about yes it is struggle every morning talk to me about how you are?  Speak and communicate to those who are supporting you.  Express how you are?  I have made too many mistakes not being honest about me.

    Please can I say I do not wish to tell you how you run your life.  I am not that just a friend who has care, concern for a friend.  You would be the same for myself if I had problems.

    I know I have discussed them with Richard and others.

    I hope you have a great day remember this not adios for now or revoir but am here any time.


    My butterfly friend

    Take care

    Always in my thoughts and prayers
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • CockneyRebel
    CockneyRebel Community member Posts: 5,209 Disability Gamechanger
    Good morning spiceman

    How are you ?
    sorry that we haven't spoken for a while. I do read all your posts but have very limited energy for replies at the moment but I am always here if I can help in any way
    I hope you have a good day

    CR
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RichardVR Good Morning How are you ?  What ever you do today have a good day.

    I wanted to explain my post about my addiction.  That is the other side of it.  The social erosion of friendships.  Sometimes we all think having a drink is that the pub and beyond.  Being at home having a drink where is the harm.

    I apologise for long posts some times.  A lot of this is loneliness and need to speak and discuss what is bothering me.  The need to express emotions feelings I have.

    One of the serious issues of the problems I have encountered.  In relationships between me and addiction and a relationship is disclosure.

    Had this many times.  Worse for me was the relationships I had with ladies.  When I have disclosed.  Instead of being compassion, understanding ,listening.  I get rejection , misery and bouts of depression.

    It is very painful because of our pub culture. Everything is social around the pub.

    Any way what has effected mentally is still me and the reactions I get.  No one realises you can be clean but have fears, anxieties of it all.

    I hope and pray for all my friends who are in the community like me, take care am here to talk, discuss.  I am not here to change you.  You have to do that.

    I hope today have a quiet one.  Got well I found them some 70's  Compilation CDs I had bought.  Must be one of those days bought on a whim.

    Any way forgotten how good the tracks I used to know still sound great.

    Had on Love Grows by Edison Lighthouse, All  By Myself By Eric Carmen,  With Out You By Nilsson.

    Remember The Dooley's they appeared on Opportunity Knocks in the 70's Came from North Shields or was South Shields.  Any way were a group of family members good toe tapping songs.

    Played Love of My Life.

    Then there were those terrible funky disco tracks.  How did I ever dance to that.

    All awful by one name wonders.  Liked Chic, George MacCrae, Hues Corporation, O'Jays.  Wonderful Gladys Knight, Kool and the Gang, Stylistics.  The Philly Sound of the 70's.

    Billy Paul, Three Degrees, The Trammps, Barry White plus others.  All based around Philadelphia USA.  Lot of small labels included 20th Century Music, co owned by Barry White.

    More soulful stuff to look out for.  More music history.

    What ever you are doing please take care

    Your friend 
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