Why?

System · May 2019

This discussion was created from comments split from: Hi, I'm Mick, Ask me questions about mental health today.

adorn18 · May 2019

Hi Mick, welcome.
I am 49. Happily married 28 years. Mother of 3 wonderful sons. I have a small but close family unit who are all very supportive. Mum Dad and two brothers. Also a big dog called Leo.
I am incredibly fortunate.

Why then am I so depressed and suicidal?

Well, Iam in pain all day every day.
It varies, sometimes it is a bit less severe but mostly im bedridden with pain at a 9.
So my conditions are:
Under Active Thyroid
Fibromyalgia
Depression
Costochondritis
Hypertension
Migraine
Obesity
Vertigo
IBS
Rosacea
These of course are only the titles. The symptoms of these conditions are many:
Numbness in hands and feet. Nausea and vomiting.
Dizziness, headaches, falling, tinnitus, temporary hearing loss, confusion, fatigue, sleep problems, digestive problems. Depression. Recurring infections, ear, vertigo, sinus throat, chest, stomach, UTI, fungal.... I could continue.
I'm on medication for all of the above.

I often need help with my personal care, medications, even feeding if I have numbness to the extent of no feeling no control of my hands and arms. I have also had on occasion temporary complete body paralysis.

My conditions are mocked and misunderstood by a lot of people sometimes doctors included. I'm often regarded as lazy, attention seeking and drug seeking. Even by people that have known me a long time.
Yet until this struck me 7 years ago I had never been out of work since leaving education.

Well, I don't feel that I have a quality of life. Also the impact I have on my loved ones is possibly even more painful than the pain itself.

If this is my future I don't want it anymore. I've been fighting it I've tried many things..... Even the supposed ' magic' that is helping 'everyone else with fibro' apparently, but not me.

So enough is enough.its not that I want to die.... Its that I don't want to live like this.

I would appreciate help but if I'm honest I don't believe anyone can help me now.

I have read other posts and what people are suffering Is tremendous. I have the greatest respect for you all. I think you're amazing and strong.
I am just not as strong.

adorn18 · May 2019

I meant to say the magic cure is CBD oil.

Leon630 · May 2019

adorn18

I believe so.

I have looked into it but it is expensive.

Thank you.

Leon630 · May 2019

adorn18

How awful for you! No one should mock you regardless.

Sending hugs to you :-)

Adrian_Scope · May 2019

Good morning @adorn18 and a very warm welcome to the community.
I'm so sorry to read how you're feeling at the moment and how you feel your conditions are misunderstood even by the medical professionals. To echo @Leon630, no one should mock you, but it sadly seems to be a common reaction from people when they just don't understand.

It's great to read that you have a supportive family. How old are your sons? Have you spoken to your partner, parents or brothers about how you're feeling and are you receiving any treatment (besides medication) for your depression?

We're really glad you were felt able to talk about this here, but as a member of our community you're important to us and we want to make sure you're getting adequate care. If you are having thoughts of suicide, it is so important you discuss them with someone who is qualified to give you the help you need. Please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (free) or email them at [email protected] You might also really benefit from reading MIND’s resources on how you can help yourself.

Of course, if you ever feel like you may be an immediate danger to yourself, please call 999 or go to your local hospital right away.

Wishing you all the best,

Adrian

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