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Relationship Issues!!

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E_Price123
E_Price123 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
edited April 2021 in Dating, sex, and relationships
Hello there, 

I am really in need of some help and advice. I recently started a new relationship with my boyfriend and we moved into a flat shortly after. It was all going well, until we moved in together and he needed to work away from the home during the week. I have been left in the flat on my own and my mind has been out of control with worry and anxiety. Not knowing when he was coming back, worried he might might meet someone else and things from my past that crept in that I have become overwhelmed with fear of what might happen next. 

The cracks started to become apparent and every weekend he came back this would heighten all my senses and we would have a falling out which has been going on for 2.5 months now. There has been the same routine with me getting my hopes up about seeing him, then him working as soon as he got back and falling asleep on the sofa that only made me feel disappointed and upset every time. I tried arranging a holiday with him, to give me a way of anchoring my anxiety and he said that he doesn't want to go away on holiday. He made me feel like I wasn't ever good enough by never giving me complements. He even said that if I put on weight he will dump me, which was apparently supposed to be a joke!

We went out for a day with my family and drank too much, which let all the doubt become apparent. When we got home we had an argument and I made a terrible drunken comment that I was "sorry he didn't have a dad" after he told me that my dad had even told me to stop drinking. He has now told me that it is over and we can't be together anymore. I am heart broken and upset. I cannot believe I managed to let all my fear and anxiety get in the way of something that could be really good for me. He said we can stay at the flat until August but then I will need to figure something out. 

Do you think it would be possible to ever make up with him and let him know that I am sorry or do you think it has gone too far now?

Any advice would be amazing xx 
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Comments

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi and welcome 

    Its not easy to give advice on relationships not knowing either of you 

    It doesn't seem like it has worked well since you moved in together.  It can be very lonely if one of you work away and that sort of relationship isn't for everyone and it sounds like you would prefer more support and presence 

    Maybe it would be best to see how it goes till you have to move out . Don't be afraid to go it alone if that happens it may be the start 8f something better 
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  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 49,873 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @E_Price123 welcome to the forum. Relationships can be tricky sometimes especially when 1 partner is away alot.
    The only way to know if he can change  his mind is to sit and talk about it together. Good luck
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  • Cher_Alumni
    Cher_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,741 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @E_Price123 and welcome to our community.  It's great to meet you and thank you for opening up to us.

    In addition to the responses you've already received, I wonder if some time apart might be a good thing (although it might not feel like it right now).  You mentioned your boyfriend making you feel, "like I wasn't ever good enough by never giving me complements. He even said that if I put on weight he will dump me, which was apparently supposed to be a joke!" and that sounds very hurtful :(  Remember - your feelings matter too and you deserve to be completely happy in life. 

    Fear can be a powerful force and given some breathing space, I think it will become clearer whether you will be able to give things another go or if you would both be happier alone.  I know it's hard when feelings are raw and you feel heartbroken but you come first, always      <3  There's that old saying, 'if it's meant to be, it'll be' and I think that's applicable here.  Give things time and look after yourself and your mental wellbeing too. 

    Just to ask, is the anxiety you've been experiencing something you've ever gotten support with from a GP/care team?  If not, maybe this is something to consider.  Also - I've moved this post to our Dating and relationships category which is our home for threads like this.   Please let us know how you get on and we're always here for advice/a friendly natter.
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  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
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    It sounds as though you need reassurance and he isn’t the type to give you enough of that. Difficult to see how it will work without you constantly compromising a great deal and is that the sort of life you want.
    Excuse me if I’m totally wrong. I wish you all the best with things.

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • E_Price123
    E_Price123 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
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    Thank you so much for all your helpful comments- really appreciated! 

    Feeling a bit reassured and will have a look at the Dating and Relationships- thanks Cher_Scope! 
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