Nervous — Scope | Disability forum


Ibelive2020 Member Posts: 799 Pioneering
I lost a baby in 2019 nearly 2 years ágó i do blame myself for hís death éven though i know its nőt my fault hé had edwards syndrome and all of his ínsides was on hís out well Im not coping very well i declined counselling 2 years ago but i have my first session tomorrow but i think im weak by seeing a counseller then so be it 


  • Cher_Inactive
    Cher_Inactive Posts: 4,412

    Scope community team

    edited April 2021
    Hi @Ibelive2020

    Aww, I'm so sorry for your loss.  Honestly, it's hard to find the words sometimes and I can't imagine the pain you've been through dealing with your grief.  I'm glad you know that what happened was in no way your fault.  Life can be very unfair  :(

    Accessing counselling is a brilliant next step, and one I'd have encouraged you to pursue, so I'm really glad your appointment is tomorrow.  There's nothing weak about seeking support with mental health and, in my eyes, it's very much the same as visiting the doctor if something feels off physically.  The power of speaking our truth and releasing inner hurt is immense and I think, given time, you'll feel more at peace and able to manage than before.  Your baby will always live on through you too - don't ever forget that  <3

    I'm not sure if you've heard of the Lullaby Trust before but they specialise in bereavement support for those who have lost babies or children.  If you visit the website linked, they have a helpline and lots of resources that might offer some comfort too. 

    Sending lots of big squishy hugs and, if you feel comfortable to, please let us know how you get on.  Good luck. 
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  • vikingqueen
    vikingqueen Member Posts: 684 Pioneering
              It is 38 years since I laid my baby son to rest and I wish to this day I had taken the help offered. It took me an awful long time to get over his death and counselling would have helped me cope better. I thought because I had my 2 years old son to look after I would be fine, it wasn't the case. I am sure you will benefit from expert advice , even if it only shows you it was not your fault in any way. You are not weak by asking for help, we all need a little now and then. 
         The only advise I can give you is one day you will wake and your baby will be remembered with joy not sadness, encourage your other children to remember him, make a special day of it on his birthday. Time will heal but it takes time xx
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,137 Disability Gamechanger
    @Ibelive2020 in no way are you weak by seeing a counsellor, the loss of a baby must be heartbreaking just be open to the counsellor about how you are feeling, that way you will get the best from the counsellor.
    Good luck our thoughts are with you.
    Be extra nice to new members.
  • Oxonlady
    Oxonlady Member Posts: 459 Pioneering
    Hi @Ibelive2020, I'm so sorry for your loss. You've done the right thing seeing a counsellor tomorrow, I wish you all the best with it.

    There is a Charity called Soft UK which supports specifically parents of babies with Edwards Syndrome. If you'd like to contact them, their website is
    They are very experienced about Trisomy and I'm sure they'll reassure you that you are not to blame at all for your baby's illness.
    Take care of yourself. 
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community Co-Production Group Posts: 12,265 Disability Gamechanger
    Thinking about you @Ibelive2020 - I truly hope the counselling helps. I think you're actually very strong to seek help; something we all need at times. :)
  • Ibelive2020
    Ibelive2020 Member Posts: 799 Pioneering
    Thank you everyone i alsó lost a baby in 2016 at what the midwife said i should of Been 16 weeks bút when they scanned me i sadly lost the baby 5 weeks b4 hand my  little 1s heart stopped at around 11 wks so i had Been walking around with my dead baby inside me nőt knowing my baby had passed weeks b4 then i lost my baby boy in july 2019 I alsó have 6 children 3 with complex needs bút i need be strong for my children i can and will slowly get better thanks everyone of you for your support and kind words means so much tóo me ? xxxx
  • Caz_Alumni
    Caz_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 624 Pioneering
    I'm so sorry for your loss @Ibelive2020.

    I echo the sentiments above and our thoughts will be with you for your first appointment with your counsellor today. Yes, certainly it can be a big step talking to somebody else about your feelings of grief, but I hope that having that conversation brings some release for you. 

    Take care and take things one step at a time. We're here whenever you want to talk. <3
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  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,137 Disability Gamechanger
    I may have mentioned before that senior management had a miscarriage 38 years ago at around 9 weeks, we still think about the baby that never was, within four weeks of that happening our friends lost their  month old baby, it was a terrible time and i'm not sure to this day how we got through it all.
    Be extra nice to new members.
  • Ibelive2020
    Ibelive2020 Member Posts: 799 Pioneering
    Thank you @Caz_Scope im so sorry woodbine i dönt think i will éver get over the loss of my babies my baby i lost in 2016 I lost in my bathroom at home its still áll raw xxx
  • Ibelive2020
    Ibelive2020 Member Posts: 799 Pioneering
    I hemmoraged really bad i just miss my babies so much i often think about them and áll the what ifs etc i hope my babies áré dancing in heaven and waiting for me i love them so much xxx