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Relationship getting more serious ?

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redOwl
redOwl Community member Posts: 24 Listener
in Dating, sex, and relationships
While back posted about relationship having trouble understanding at time felt was a lot problems thought things where getting better .Now getting more serious but some things not sure  what to think .

When first visited her she had social worker visiting her she had her child taken into care few months ago and social worker visiting her at time she told me hide out sight when  social worker  visiting her .

At time we in relationship when asked her  trying find out what going on if child living with her or if she stay in care she usual say that felt be best her child stayed in care she couldnt cope with her back home .

She never really tell me what what going on with social worker but when  ever her ex bf phoned up she seem to tell him about what going on.

Same time she having social worker visit her she visiting lawyer  about her child as well just saying that giving her assessments about something but not really saying what just that stressing her a lot .

She never really tell me  just that talked about if wanted interview me i need support i have problems being interviewed on my own understand what asking me that she said that wouldnt happen wouldnt need see me .

Few weeks ago she asked me go down  when seeing lawyer just thinking that be waiting while she with her lawyer argument over it because wearing  t shirt her saying that she going introduce me as friend then say that i was her bf  .

Recently she said had last these assessments with her lawyer that they where now over .When her ex moved out he moved into some kind housing where said that some  kind abuse.

Gf invited him over even do she said he never be invited to house to sign some papers and now wants argue with him over what he said about her being abusive she talking about trying get him to emit lying about it.

Not sure feel like maybe something still going on  when her ex called her she told him about about medical appointment she didnt even tell me about until much later.



 

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  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 49,826 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @redOwl it All does sound very complicated. The only  advise I can give is to talk your concerns with your girlfriend. Tell her how you feel about the issues that you don't like and see if you can work through them.  If you don't then she won't know how you feel.
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  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,492 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @red0wl :) It's good to hear from you. Have you been able to speak to your family about this yet? It seems as though you're still quite unsure about some elements of your relationship with your girlfriend, and that there are some things worrying you in terms of how she's been acting. 
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  • Libby_Alumni
    Libby_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,251 Pioneering
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    Hey @redOwl :) 

    I hope you're doing okay and you've managed to gain some support relating to your girlfriend. The situation does seem complicated and it's great that you've reached out to ask for advice and opinions.

    As @Tori_Scope mentioned, it might be worthwhile speaking to individuals that you're close to, as they will know you on a personal level and what is best for you. You are clearly a little unsure about the situation and it's important to trust your instinct and how you're feeling about the situation. Make sure to put your needs first and look after yourself :). 

    Libby
    Online Community Information Coordinator
    Scope

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  • redOwl
    redOwl Community member Posts: 24 Listener
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    Bit late response recently met her social worker she been trying to see  her daughter who was in care.Kind of interview questionnaire thing with her daughter social worker about me felt bit had to understand .

    When first started chatting with gf  she said wanted relationship with  me told her very dependent on my family in ways have hard time with day to day things and that maybe  to much for her  that she said  be supporting each other .

    Social worker telling me that  gf need lot support been trying best i can help her and because condition house very run down that safe for her daughter  to return and look after her .

    Tried talk gf about this she  say doesn't   know what they on about  when  asked her what social worker meant .

    Have tried talk to family about this before but seem to make fun of it and dont listen.



     

     
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  • Libby_Alumni
    Libby_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,251 Pioneering
    edited December 2021
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    redOwl said:
    Bit late response recently met her social worker she been trying to see  her daughter who was in care.Kind of interview questionnaire thing with her daughter social worker about me felt bit had to understand .

    When first started chatting with gf  she said wanted relationship with  me told her very dependent on my family in ways have hard time with day to day things and that maybe  to much for her  that she said  be supporting each other .

    Social worker telling me that  gf need lot support been trying best i can help her and because condition house very run down that safe for her daughter  to return and look after her .

    Tried talk gf about this she  say doesn't   know what they on about  when  asked her what social worker meant .

    Have tried talk to family about this before but seem to make fun of it and dont listen.



     

     
    Thank you for getting back in touch @redOwl and for the update :) 

    It's great that you've been able to speak to the social worker directly and gain more information about your girlfriends situation and how to best support her. It seems that your girlfriend might not understand the situation fully too, so it might be worthwhile you both sitting down with the social care worker to ask any questions or express any concerns that you might have. When you say that the 'house very run down' what do you mean by this?

    Please remember, to also look after yourself and put yourself first. We need to look after ourselves, to be able to look after our loved ones :). Do you feel as though your committing enough time to yourself at the moment? 

    I'm sorry to hear that you're family isn't being as understanding as you'd like. Please remember that we are always here on the community to support you and help where we can. 

    Libby
    Online Community Information Coordinator
    Scope

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  • redOwl
    redOwl Community member Posts: 24 Listener
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    When went visit she said place was bad wasnt sure what she meant when  got there no carpets place infested with mice she sleeping on filthy sofa she wouldnt sleep upstairs some reason in bed .No heating are hot water for few weeks all rooms filled with bags rubbish and other stuff place was full of flies.Recently landlord given noticed saying property been destroyed over it



     


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  • Alex_Alumni
    Alex_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,562 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @redOwl that sounds terrible, I'm sorry she's had to experience living in those conditions.

    As I'm new to this discussion, could I ask where your girlfriend is living now?

    Remember if you'd like us to offer any additional support, then please do say.

    Alex
    Online Community Coordinator
    Scope

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  • redOwl
    redOwl Community member Posts: 24 Listener
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    She living in private rented house that use to share with her ex dont know what house like when they moved in together have been staying with her for while not moved in permanently .

    Social worker has seen gf in this house i dont understand it social worker just said house have be made safe .

    was going help gf with paying some rent  she owed until had to contact landlord who hasnt seen house in few years that suppose be just paying back rent my gf doesnt have and few repairs until landlord who visited house she hasnt seen house in few years.

    Gf dealing with landlord it rented in her name that she use to rent with her ex lot damage caused to house that landlord saying gf caused that she wanted back rent my gf owed her and that she have been given notice.

    Drag into this argument with landlord and my gf because said help my gf  with back rent  gf saying she owed  so much and landlord saying was more she owed until she said she have to check exact amount owed.

    Had this landlord harassing  me  said could pay back rent but landlord wanted another month rent and she think about letting us rent place together.





       
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  • Alex_Alumni
    Alex_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,562 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @redOwl I'm sorry to hear about the trouble your girlfriend is having with rent, Scope has a list of organisations which could help if you feel she is really struggling:

    If you're struggling, seek help

    You could get up to 60 days' respite from interest, fees and court action to reduce stress and give you time to deal with your debts.

    Breathing Space, Debt Respite Scheme (StepChange)

    If you are choosing between paying rent arrears and your essential needs, such as food, medication or electricity, talk to a debt adviser.



    There's more information on managing rent arrears here. Does the social worker know about the impact this is having on you both?
    Online Community Coordinator
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