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Confrontation

JimJams
JimJams Community member Posts: 174 Connected
edited February 2015 in Children, parents, and families
I had a terrible experience at the park the other week, with several different families involved as they could not accept my sons different behaviour. Due to their attitude I refused to then divulge to them that my son has autism, I therefore got into major arguments defending him and almost got myself into trouble as I went over the top shall we say. Anyway I had a thought about getting myself an armband or a vest with the word carer on it. Rather than having to explain to people all the time I thought the visible vest with the word carer on it might give them some idea as to why my son behaves differently. Any opinions on this idea would help me make my mind up
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Comments

  • Heather
    Heather Community member Posts: 168 Connected
    Hi Marie
    Bad day eh? Don't let it get you down, at least your son has an excuse for his behaviour! I know a friend who has a t-shirt for her son "I'm not naughty, I'm autistic!" everyone handles it differently. Because my son flaps so violently, I tend to think people can see he isn't quite ~"normal" and so don't have to explain. Other friends have the NAS official autism cards that they hand to people, so they can go and educate themselves! or the best~~~ when an able driver takes your car park space....my friend has lovely windscreen stickers...."You took my parking space, would you like my disability as well?" It's all about your own way of handling it. Raising awareness may help people to ask questions first, before they starting pointing fingers? Good luck
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  • JimJams
    JimJams Community member Posts: 174 Connected
    I thought about the cards etc and I have an I'm not naughty I'm autistic badge but my husband is not keen on labelling my son, i really want to avoid the confrontation so I dont 'lose it' again in public, hopefully there wont be another incident anytime soon
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  • Heather
    Heather Community member Posts: 168 Connected
    Glad to hear back from you. Hopefully you're feeling more in control. We all have days when the world seems against us. It's strange that when you're with a disabled group there seems an acceptance. Maybe safety in numbers? But going out alone is almost frowned upon. Hope you get the message across when you have a little rant!
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  • Alistair
    Alistair Community member Posts: 102 Listener
    edited June 2014
    Society disables our kids. We need to educate the people that regard themselves and their kids as ‘normal'.
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  • Helenx3
    Helenx3 Community member Posts: 17 Listener
    Totally agree but how!!!? Love the sticker about taking the car space, great idea and straight to the point - fab.
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  • JimJams
    JimJams Community member Posts: 174 Connected
    Integration at school helps, also I try and tell people when i arrive somewhere the problems I might experience with my son, just to make them aware straight away, we can all raise awareness in small ways like this
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  • Helenx3
    Helenx3 Community member Posts: 17 Listener
    My son is bullied every time he goes to the park, i want to give him some independence as he is 16yrs but every time my back is turned they throw things at him and tease him. Because of his needs he is really not sure what they are doing to him and he is desperate to fit in and have a friend. Do i speak to the parents ( altho i dont know who most of them are) or do i speak to the children they are from 6yrs to 16yrs themselves. I dont want to make things worse for my son and i also dont want to talk about him in front of him. OR is this just another thing we just have to put up with - it breaks my heart people treat him like this, he is such a happy chappy and all he wants is a friend.
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  • LouiseD
    LouiseD Community member Posts: 3 Listener
    could you not get the community support officers involved, they could possibly have a word with the kids and parents on your behalf and explain your sons needs and that also if they continue to throw things at him it could be considered assult, saves you the anguish of having to confront these people plus they could be hostile to you, Our community support officers have been brilliant in dealing with situations similar to your and cause there local alot of the time they know the kids that hang around the area, all my son wants is to be excepted he's 16 and doesn't realise the situations he's getting himself into just cause he wants to be a part of things
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  • Flossy
    Flossy Community member Posts: 16 Listener

    My daughter (aged 10 years) gets bullied either at the top of our road or at the park and no one comes to help her they just watch. It's always a gang of girls trying to take her bike or anything else they can take before she knows it, she cycled after them a few times and got back what they'd taken , never a policeman/woman around when she needs them. My hubby went and had a word but the next time they teased her about it, its not fair. I know what you mean about the independence. xxx
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  • Helenx3
    Helenx3 Community member Posts: 17 Listener
    Thanks for the replies i have contacted the community support officers so will see if they can help. Makes me wonder what the parents of these bullying kids are teaching them. My son does everything they tell him to do including pulling his pants down - i despair.
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  • JimJams
    JimJams Community member Posts: 174 Connected
    I am so upset reading all this, these bullies should be locked up, i would be inclined to go to the park when they are there and get hold of them without you son being there. Give them a polite warning , tell them if it happens again, there will be consequences.
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  • JimJams
    JimJams Community member Posts: 174 Connected
    i have been thinking a lot about the future for my son, after reading all about these bullies, i worry for him,, I might even get him a big scary dog to take out with him when he is older. this might deter any would be bullies. good luck everyone who is having this problem, get onto the police every time there is an episode, dont put up with this.
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  • LoriAnn
    LoriAnn Community member Posts: 3 Connected
    Hi, I'm new here.  I hope what I have to say won't be taken offensively as that's not my intention. So I thought it best to apologise from now than at the end.  
    As I was reading the above I thought - the answers lie within us all on what needs to be said or done. It's putting it all into practice that takes the wind out of us. I think literally and logically and maybe most children and / adults with autism do so too.  If that's so, how come those closest to their off-spring aren't communicating in that way to them and using visual props and creativity to get their points across.  If we want external organisations to do it differently, then those closest should be doing the same.  It's structure we require - not routine.  
    I'd also like to say, if I don't respond quick enough - it's because i do not visit these sites too often and I have a slow processing speed (other learning differences).
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