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Contact with absent parent

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Alistair
Alistair Community member Posts: 102 Listener
edited June 2014 in Children, parents, and families
OK, hard for me to know where to begin....My ASD daughter has not seen her mother for months now. She asks after her less and less. Mum has bipolar disorder. I kind of think it would be 'healthy' for both of them to see each other again and was thinking arranging a contact over half term (supervised by me - not ideal but social services and mental health team don't seem to care). Spoke to a female friend who thought it was not a good idea. I don't know.. Mum left her daughter, hasn't called for ages to see how she is. Should I just let her disappear out of my daughter's life?
I'm putting in this in Dad's talk because I am a father but I think it has wider implications?!
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  • Heather
    Heather Community member Posts: 168 Connected
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    Hi Alistair, just seen your post as we've been away! But from my own personal experience, my mum left us when I was 6 hrs old and then re-appeared when I was 13, only to disappear again 6 months later. I was sent on the most heart breaking roller coaster you could ever imagine. I was so angry I declared her as dead to the world and that was easier for me to cope with than accept the truth that she would abandon her 4 children. Your circumstances are very different I know, but don't dice with emotions if you think it might back fire. Could mum write letters by way of a starting point? See what your daughter's reaction is? H x
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  • Alistair
    Alistair Community member Posts: 102 Listener
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    Insightful as ever! Thanks Heather.
    Once or twice a week my daughter will say 'Mummy's illness is scank!'. I've decided to leave it for now. Sometimes, when she is 'up' we do get these crazy letters which 9 times out of 10 I don't share with the children because they are just too......mad!!
    I think Mum would just disappear again and then reappear....and on and on, so needs to be left.. It is very sad though, for both of them, don't you think?
    Going to open a 'can of worms'...Why aren't the CSA chasing her for maintenance?
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  • Heather
    Heather Community member Posts: 168 Connected
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    The law still weighs very heavily on the mothers side. My mother left my disabled dad to look after the 4 of us so she could have her new man and she took dad to e cleaners, half the house and the judge even ruled she must see us for 6 weeks a year so every summer holiday we were packed off to hers where she told everyone we were neices and nephews visiting! I was glad I only had 2 years of visiting and then cut her out of my life. Unfortunately your daughter won't have the understanding to cope with the complexities of life. Isn't life a sod? You are very strong to put up with all the added complications...if only we had a crystal ball! What will life throw at us next? Happiness somewhere I hope!
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  • Alistair
    Alistair Community member Posts: 102 Listener
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    Yes, hope and gratitude for what we have now!
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