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Advise on same-sex Carer for my daughter

MumSalMumSal Member Posts: 1
I'm currently in a legal dispute with my daughters Dad regarding her personal care.
Our 12 year old daughter has CP and is wheel-bound.
She has reached puberty and I feel it would give her dignity if a female carer (or a female member of his family) where to provide her personal care if she were to stay overnight.
She is very aware of her changing body and its something we should accept as her parents and adapt to her needs.
Her Dad feels he should be able to continue to provide her personal care himself and dose not see any issue or need for a personal carer.
She has not stayed overnight since May last year but she enjoys their day visits together.
She has always had a relationship with her Dad seeing him once or twice a month.
Her Dad and I are beyond sorting this out ourselves and I would like some advise please as its becoming such a differcult issue.
Thanks in advance.


  • VickySVickyS Member Posts: 132 Listener
    Hi MumSal,

    I’m not sure if you’ve resolved this issue yet but thought I’d let you know my thoughts (although this isn’t something I’ve personally experienced).

    I think it would depend on who’s going to be funding the carer in regards to who can help you. If it’s going to be your local authority then you should talk to them and see if they can help. If you are planning on funding the care yourself then maybe a family mediation service could support you. You could also look to getting an advocate on behalf of your daughter to make sure that her needs are being listened to. Your point seems really valid so I hope someone is able to support you.

    Vicky x
  • NikiMNikiM Member Posts: 36 Connected
    Hi, I can't give you any advice regarding legalities but as a mum of a 10 year old girl with similar needs I can tell you what we have found. My daughter has a robust package of care which means we have a bank of 10 female carers working in shifts of 2 at any one time with her. When we recruited there was no question that they would all be female as Maria is like your daughter hitting puberty. Up until this point so until about 6 months ago my husband would still regularly shower her (although he drew the line at toileting). What we found was when Maria began to have more female carers around she didn't want her dad to do any personal care anymore and insists that the carers leave the room when she is securely in her toilet chair until she has finished. She has made her feelings on this very clear and we have respected that. Have you asked your daughter how she feels about who supports her with her personal care? Maria is still very much a daddy's girl and now I just get all the unpleasant tasks while he gets to read to her and settle her into bed etc!! Their relationship remains as close as it ever was. Hope this helps.
  • Sophie BuckleySophie Buckley Member Posts: 12 Connected
    I am 25, and during pubertity my dad was my main career, and still gett me ready for bed when i go home. i would say that just because her dad helps her doesnot mean you have to have male paid staff
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