Where can I get information on how to cope with the situation for my wife and myself? — Scope | Disability forum

Where can I get information on how to cope with the situation for my wife and myself?

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Scope community team

This discussion was created from comments split from: Hi I'm Rebecca ask me questions about Mental Health.


  • foxuk
    foxuk Member Posts: 100 Pioneering
    edited May 2017
    I'm a 24/7 Carer for my wife and also a disabled person myself.
    My wife had a CT scan yesterday and the GP's prediction was not good.
    I was previously caring for my father and my mother now deceased.
    Where can I get information on how to cope with the situation for my wife and myself?
    Social services locally are useless, totally sexist about male carers and wish to take over our lives for their own financial benefit (please, I speak from bitter personal experience, which mirrors much of the publicity a few years ago).
    How do I get the NHS to listen and take notes about specific needs for my wife who is usually bed bound? I spent a long time on the phone to the ambulance service only to have two drivers turn up without a requested suitable chair and none of the information being passed on to them. I was even asked about 'Mobility Allowance' when calling - this pre-dated DLA...
    Our GP who is a decent honest and truthful woman telephoned the radiography dept to explain what was needed to accommodate my wife. No notes whatsoever had been made on her file and they couldn't even locate a transfer board and due to this had to use a hoist to trolley and trolley to CT to transfer her. I as the Carer and obviously the expert in how to achieve this was whisked away into a waiting room and unaware of the pain my wife was put through due to the inadequacy of the facilities and their inability to process data.
    Part of me is very angry, but I know that expressing my anger or even complaining would be counter productive for my wife.
    I am tired, in considerable pain (morphine for breakthrough is taking a hammering) and am unable to do anything to plan ahead.
    We have another 7 to 10 days to wait for results. Haven't these twerps entered the 1990s yet? The scan goes into the computer, the consultant gets the scan on their computer, the result is sent to our GP's computer. AND that can take 10 days - this is 2017 not 1977. 
    Yes I suppose I'm just venting and will just sit and wait like a 'good little crip' or face the consequences.
  • RebeccaMHadvisor
    RebeccaMHadvisor Member Posts: 99 Courageous
    Hi @foxuk

    I am really sorry to hear what you and your wife have been going through. Although I understand what you are saying about expressing anger or complaining would be counter productive for your wife, you also need to think about yourself and what is productive for you and if you need to vent your anger and frustration then that's exactly what you should do. If you bottle it all up your mental health will suffer and then you won't be there for your wife in the way it sounds like you want to be.

    The NHS is suffering with budget cuts and staffing shortages but that shouldn't be an excuse for the way that your wife has been treated. The NHS Patient Advice and Liasion Service can help you deal with the problems you are facing with the NHS. They will be able to support you both making a complaint and working with the NHS moving forward.

    Hope this helps