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Experiencing sex for the first time.

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1BentSpine
1BentSpine Community member Posts: 12 Connected
edited June 2017 in Dating, sex, and relationships
I am 54 year old female with spina bifida.  I have not had any intimate relationships with men, for a variety of reasons.  Have been thinking of going the male escort route for my first time having sex, as I think this will be the safest route to discover how I will react to being intimate.  Have dealt with both sexual and physical abuse in the past, hence the reason for going this route.  Any feedback would be appreciated.
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  • Zec Richardson
    Zec Richardson Community member Posts: 154 Pioneering
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    Hi @1BentSpine
    I'm sorry to hear of the abuse. 
    Its difficult, using an escort will mean you are or will be extremely nervous, when it happens as part of a loving relationship, it's just natural. 
    However I understand your choice, an escort will obviously be very experienced and it will remove all the usual relationship issues. 
    Whatever you decide, I wish you luck and I hope it's a positive experience. 
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  • 1BentSpine
    1BentSpine Community member Posts: 12 Connected
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    Hi Zec

    The reason I would choose this route for the first time experience is that I would not want to go into a committed relationship without knowing how I would react to intimate situations and cause unnecessary tension.  I think that is how I would deal with non intimate situations too.

    I know this not the way most people would deal with this, but it's the way I would feel the safest, without the expectations of a typical relationship.
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  • Geoark
    Geoark Community member Posts: 1,463 Disability Gamechanger
    edited June 2017
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    Hello @1BentSpine


    It could be very helpful for you in a number of ways, but take time to pick one, speak to them first and check  that they are comfortable with the situation.

    A good escort will take the time to ensure you are relaxed and comfortable. What I would suggest is being honest with the person, if you find something uncomfortable or painful mention it. He will want to make your experience pleasurable and a change in position can make a huge difference.

    If you choose this route I wish you luck and hope you enjoy the experience.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

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  • PSHEexpert
    PSHEexpert Community member Posts: 170 Pioneering
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    Hello!

    You might find it useful (perhaps) to have a little look here: http://www.outsiders.org.uk/outsidersclub/tlc/

    I absolutely respect your approach; as you say, it's not for everyone, but wouldn't it be boring (and crowded) if we all took the same path!  I would suggest having a good look around to make sure you find someone who is reputable and experienced.  As Geoark says above - be absolutely upfront and honest about your physical needs and wants. You are paying for a professional service to be provided, so make sure you get what you want!

    Best of luck. 
    - Gill 
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