I need some advice.

JustJem · February 6

Hello, I have posted on here a few times but really struggling with everything in my life right now.

I sadly lost my Mum in December 2023 and I was an unpaid carer looking after her for 9 years until she passed away.

I'm autistic and have mental health issues, I am in receipt of ESA and PIP, and have tried permitted work on ESA in volunteer and paid employment in the past, however I haven't been able to sustain working no more than 4 months in a paid job due to the hierarchy of being bullied by people in authority, and I'm applying for jobs and getting absolutely no where even with an AI computer sorting out my CV and cover letter, I'm getting support with the Health and Work Programme, but I don't feel really like they are helping me they are more focused on CV building and cover letter writing which I understand is their purpose, but I would like a work placement or even work experience and to be given an opportunity to exist and not feel like a complete and utter failure.

I am having a lot of anxiety and feel extremely invisible and alone in the world, especially with the antisocial behaviour in my living situation and continuously applying for jobs and going above and beyond and getting rejection after rejection, even with not disclosing my autism and mental health issues.. (I live in a rural area so it's either seasonal jobs or care work)..Cornwall unfortunately.

Just wondered if there is anyone else like me in my position? I just feel really suicidal and alone.

Channi · February 6

Hi @JustJem I know how you feel as I have CP and it’s not easy to find a decent job especially after having my CV looked at and rewritten to appeal to employers. I hope you won’t give up and will find a job that you enjoy soon. I can relate to your feelings.

JustJem · February 6

@Channi Thank you for your kind words, I'm just feeling really low and want to give up and just dissappear.

Billiegoat · February 6

HI JustJem

I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling. I'm seeing this as I'm going to bed and couldn't not answer. It sounds like you've made a lot of effort and you should acknowledge that and the strength and determination you have shown. You maybe haven't found the spot you belong in yet and you have been a carer for a long time. Be kind to yourself, you're going through a lot.

It's concerning that you say you feel suicidal so for you so you might want to contact your GP in the morning or out of hours tonight and maybe contact the Samaritans if you're not feeling safe so you can offload a bit. Also MIND could be helpful.

I know of this text service SHOUT 85258 for people experiencing mental distress. You text and they respond. Maybe someone can help you think about your next steps.

Take Care

frozenpelvis · February 6

JustJem, so sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment but can I just say how brave you are to say you are struggling and have been strong enough to reach out. I wouldn’t see you not being able to find work as a negative because I think you will find abled bodied people struggling to find work in Cornwall at the moment. Have you tried getting in contact with the Mental Health team in your area hopefully they could sign post you to some organisations that maybe of some help to you or they might be able to help. In the interim maybe you could try some short training courses to help you build up your confidence and meet like minded people like yourself that need support. Also it may give you a chance to hopefully meet other people and socialise I know being a carer can isolate you and having autism/mental health issues can also make you feel isolated. Thus hopefully this support will build yourself confidence.
I have nothing but admiration for you and people like you who dedicate their life’s to looking after their loved ones that become ill; it is a martyrs job. You have no training but just get on with it.
JustJem unfortunately the bullies will rear their heads in all aspects of life, however often bullies are often scared and lack self confidence themselves. Please don’t let them dictate your life and make you feel miserable and unhappy with your life. You should be proud of yourself and your mum would be proud of you because you are forging to make a life for yourself, she would not want you to be unhappy but live your life to the fullest.

Take care

lees · February 7

Ah bless you, i wish i lived closer, is there no groups in your area where you could go meet up for coffee , chats, hope you find something soon x

Ostia · February 7

So sorry to.hear your struggles. You have done an amazing job looking after your mum whilst having your own difficulties. Perhaps you are now feeling the pain of bereavement as well.as the pressure of looking for a job? Maybe some support in person or online would make things easier....there may be an online bereavement group you could join? Maybe it is too soon to be finding work mixing with others who can be mean....there's always one it seems.

Or maybe working online from home may suit you betterwhen it comes to jobs? Try contacting disability support charities and work agencies?

Please take it easy and look after yourself.

Ostia · February 7

JustJem · February 7

I think the job market in Cornwall is tragic anyway, and then trying to motivate yourself to even do voluntary job roles like volunteering in a charity shop when you just want to be given the opportunity to not feel invisible and worthless in a world which does not cater to people who are neurodivergent.

I do get support from the health and work programme however it feels like it's just CV building and nothing more, I can't even find anywhere to do work placements... its really disheartening.

I want to make the difference in the world, or even my corner of the world at least.. because I do genuinely feel that people like me who are neurodivergent and have autism or mental health issues or even physical disabilities are ostracised from society, and my goal one day is to be a Peer Support Worker however getting into this field, especially in a bleak place like Cornwall... is probably unlikely.

Rosie_Scope · February 8

Hi @JustJem, sorry you're feeling so alone at the moment. It's horrible facing constant rejections from jobs. Being in a rural area can't be easy either so it's totally understandable that your situation is making you feel so isolated and down. I hope the community can offer some comfort, lots of us have been through difficult times and understand how it feels. We've sent you an email today so please look out for that.

I'm also so sorry to hear you lost your mum, that's not an easy thing to go through either so I hope you're coping okay in the circumstances.

Would remote work be a possibility for you? I know that's a bit difficult to find sometimes too but there could be something out there. There's a list of disability friendly employers and job boards on the Scope website here in case you'd find that useful:

Finding disability-friendly employers | Disability charity Scope UK

I need some advice.

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