Really want to move, trying to keep mum on my side (long post)
Hi, i'm new here, my name is Max.
I currently live in shared accommodation with two housemates, and multiple staff who alternate shifts.
I had a heart to heart with my mum last night about what it's really like here, and admited to her and myself that i'm not happy and i want to move.
She's on my side, because we've had many conversations about the lack of understanding about autism and any form of mental illness (i had to explain that no, there is not a thing as 'looking autistic', that no, people with adhd are not violent, and that no, auditory halucinations are not just hearing something in another room).
Over the last couple months, my key worker is telling me i need to 'make more effort' to talk and interact with the staff on shift because they've been complaining that they don't know how to talk to me. But when i try to talk with them, they just stay on their phones and i barely get a response, but they're saying i'm hard to talk to because i don't start conversations (why would i when they ignore me?)
They get super offended when i don't want to talk to them because i'm having a bad day, and whenever i say i'm upset or annoyed or struggling i just get 'you shouldn't feel like that' and they avoid me until i tell them i feel better. Yeah, i can be snappy sometimes, but i always apologise in ten minutes max, and i don't think that warrents being ignored for the rest of the day.
There's a lot more, but i'm getting off topic.
After the last few months getting worse and worse, my mum has been dropping hints that she thinks i should move when we have our weekly/bi-weekly rant to each other. She's not pressuring me or anything, she just picks up on my mood faster than i myself do. She said she's seen me getting more upset and our rants were getting more frequent. We had an hour long conversation last night about the lack of mental health support, and we both agreed that i need to be somewhere with staff that actually understand mental health and autism. She's now arranging a zoom meeting with me, her, and both managers of the house i live in.
Honestly, i would rather just move than try and fix things here.
The most the managers are gonna do is arrange training for the staff, and i've seen with my own eyes that all the staff here mute their mics, turn their cameras off, and go on their phones the entire length of the training meeting. Plus all they do on shift is sit in the office and either watch movies on the tv, or watch tiktok on their phones.
One of the reasons i want to move is because i never planned on staying here forever anyway. My goal was once i finished college, apply for my own council flat.
But after the conversation with mum, i looked into supported living, instead of residential living, and found something i think would be perfect for me.
There's an organisation i found, where all the staff are fully trained, and it's a supported living, not residential.
So i would get to have my own flat, still pay my own bills, but there would be 24/7 (trained) staff available if i need them.
Meaning i could still walk to the shops with someone, i could ask for help learning to cook food that i actually like, there would be someone there if i'm having a bad mental day, but i would be independant- which is what i want.
College wouldn't be affected as it's all online, and i would be able to finally have my own pets since i left home, and i wouldn't be confined to one room all day!
I just am a little nervous about mum's opinion.
It's only been in the last year that i've started showering regularly, i'm still learning to cook, and i struggle a little with cleaning by myself. I'm good with budget management and studying by myself, and i can do my own medication (it's super simple and i used to do it when i lived at home).
I'm just worried that mum will say i'm not ready. But i honestly don't want to be in a residential placement anymore. It feels suffocating.
And supported living doesn't mean i'm by myself, there would be staff available 24/7. Plus i'm 19, i feel i should be able to choose what kind of placement i'm in. I've gone from home, to psych ward, to kids residential placement, to here. And i haven't been happy at any of them, although i wasn't stable at the previous ones.
But i've been stable for 2 years now i'm on the right meds/dosages, and i don't see why i couldn't go to a supported living when i plan on moving in a few years anyway.
I think i got off topic a couple times, and i apologise that this post is so long- i've always had a tendency to ramble.
If anyone could give me some advice, it'd be very much appreciated.
Thank you!
