Really just Jay or JJ. JJ is easier to type.
I've been looking for a forum for disabilities for a long time. They're out there. I don't always care for the format. I like forums like VBillitin, or MyBB. They have a logical layout that is easy for me to follow. Those forums are getting scarce. We will see here.
I have a motor function disorder. I have very little fine motor control. I used to love to sketch. Now a stickman is hard to accomplish. I do okay on the computer so my creativeness isn't completely wiped out, but it isn't sketching.
Aside from that I have trouble walking. Give me a flat straight sidewalk and you wouldn't know I was struggling. Chane the grad or distract me and I can fumble badly. I used to think it was proprioception disorder brought on by competing microbe infections, but as I study and reflect I have never been quite right.
Still, I never considered myself as handicapped before I lost the ability to walk altogether. I'm mostly back now… 20 years later. But I continue to struggle with motion.
It's hard to face the lack of empathy that comes about when I falter. No one sees the handicap.
For 25 years I was undiagnosed. Most doctors settled on somatoform disorder. "There is nothing wrong with you. It's in your head." In 2010 I cot my first diagnosis. Then another, and another. In total 5 lab confirmed illnesses and two clinical diagnoses.
Each of these lists motion disorder as a potential symptom. I still don't know exactly what is causing it, one or a combination. It doesn't really matter now. None are correctable. It is just a matter of coping now.
I'm pretty active, not like in my youth, but I do okay. One thing that troubles me is I am always exhausted and I wonder if I work too hard or not hard enough. I want to get my strength back. I don't see that happening without pushing myself.
There is a lot more going on with me than can be put into even this not so brief post. Maybe after relationships grow I'll feel like sharing what I consider a fairly unusual life.
I look forward to getting know you all and maybe, just maybe we can help each other cope a little bit better.
JJ
