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Befriending and being nice to people

whistles

Just been watching a few dispatches programmes and there are a lot of lonely people out there aren't there.

One thing I did was ignore all the comments that were negative and unsympathetic. Saying they haven't planned for their retirement and only have themselves to blame.

I think I am going to make more of an effort to chat to people that I see on their own. Someone might want to join me for a short walk and a chat maybe, dunno. I have a flask for coffee. Kindness costs nothing.

I feel quite low and depressed actually. If I am on the scrap heap, written off from working, how I am going to save for my old age, what sort of pension am I going to get?

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Amalegra

That’s a lovely idea! I try to chat to people when I am able to get out and about. I live in a small area of a large town so I chat to the workers in the charity shops that I visit here. There is a little local park where I walk sometimes and there are always people to talk to, especially the elderly (of which I am one!) as there is a block of retirement flats nearby. Try not to worry about the future too much. I do, I admit, but remember my mum’s words ‘let the troubles of the day be sufficient unto the day’. In other words, concern yourself with the daily challenges we face and don’t look too far into the future as worrying will not help. You are a beautiful and valuable person and certainly not ‘on the scrap heap’. My very best wishes to you.

Littlefatfriend

For a few years now I've occasionally been doing NHS check and chat plus.

It's very easy to get into and basically I telephone people who are at risk of isolation. They mostly learn about the service and ask for it when it's recommended by doctors, carers, social workers etc. Its always oversubscribed, last time I looked there were over 800 people who were wanting calls.

There are two options:

Call people once or call them three times a week for six weeks.

We agree when to do it between ourselves if we're doing it for six weeks.

After six weeks they can talk to someone else. It helps keep things fresh.

I too find myself at risk of isolation and it's killing two birds with one stone. I certainly recommend it. I've had all sorts of conversations with most often very interesting people. It's a great thing to do.

Googly NHS check and chat and it's all out there.

chiarieds

Thank you for starting this thread @whistles - as you say, kindness costs nothing. Also thank you for your thoughts @Amalegra Thank you too @Littlefatfriend - here's the link to the NHS Check in & Chat call you mentioned

https://nhscarevolunteerresponders.org/guides/telephone-support/check-in-and-chat-call

What a great idea; sorry I didn't know about it earlier. It also seems like an incredibly good way to try & help people that feel lonely which can be especially difficult at this time of year.

figraspberry41

Hello all,

I have just seen the above posts. As previous post mentions it is easy to feel worried about your future when you feel that you have been put out from your job and lost the security that brings. I can sympathise / empathise with that, since that is what happened to me three years ago! I was manoeuvred into retiring from a job that I had worked in all my life and found that I would not be able to get another job (for a variety of reasons); but I have survived and without (thus far) any Benefits! So it is possible, try not to give up or despair. Although I appreciate it is difficult sometimes not to feel like that.

You are quite right, a little kindness costs nothing and can go a long way to cheering another lonely person and making them feel part of the community, so well done you! Part of my disabilities is being neurodiverse, which can hamper me starting conversations with others, especially people I don't know but I have a disabled friend and we have often (although not for quite a while due to other circumstances) take a flask to a local quieter park and sit and chat and often talk with passers by.

The telephone chat, I was interested in, as I wanted to do something myself and via telephone for me would be ideal. Considering I worked in the NHS for many years but was not aware of the service Little fat friend mentioned. Once, I have recovered from recent surgery, I will investigate this further! I usually do a couple of voluntary jobs too, however, am unable to do this for a while, as I cannot get to them, since not allowed to drive for six weeks. It also, enables me to help others and give something back, so despite your disabilities, most of us can contribute however small to making life a little kinder for someone else.

Well done for trying. Good luck!

whistles

I haven't heard of nhs chat. If I haven't heard of it, how do the people who feel lonely and isolated find it?

birdwatcher

Lovely idea Whistles. I used to have some of my best chats with random strangers on the bus or at the bus stop. Just used to strike up a conversation. Remember one particular chat many years ago I had with an elderly lady. She was so happy! Seems she'd had a nice win on bingo. I was so pleased for her! But it was only after I'd got off the bus the penny dropped, she'd no idea who I was. Or if anyone was listening in . I just pray no one followed her home. A nice lady,I hope she treated herself as well as her family

One thing I did notice in more recent times was that certain people would be scrolling the internet rather than talking to whoever was sitting next to them

Morgan_Alumni

This is a great discussion and a great thing to do @whistles. I saw an article over the weekend stating that 1 in 7 people in the UK will spend Christmas Day without having a single conversation. I didn't look more into the statistic but it's sad to think how many people might feel or be isolated and lonely.

Razr

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/952035#Comment_952035

some one posted the link above

https://nhscarevolunteerresponders.org/guides/telephone-support/check-in-and-chat-call

whistles

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/952485#Comment_952485

Sorry I meant how do lovely people get to know of its existence.

These days I can pop to our local library to see what happening or search online. But some people are still not necessarily online.

figraspberry41

Hello Whistles,

Yes, once library's were a good source of information but sadly these too are disappearing from our High Streets. My local library only opens briefly twice a week (I believe), once in the morning for about two hours and another evening for about two hours. For people who live in the surrounding villages, who rely on public transport this can become quite an issue to access the library. The nearest larger library is about 18 miles away and takes about an hour and a half to get to the town, then a walk (not sure if bus goes past) quite a distance if mobility is an issue to reach. I may have internet but my internet skills and technology do not mix well with my neuro diverse conditions, so often I give up or am left bewildered trying to work out how to access information.

It is certainly a lovely idea and despite my own disabilities that 'hamper' interactions, I think that I might manage a conversation with a lonely person even though a stranger is outside my personal comfort zone, simply because it might bring some cheer to another lonely individual.

As previously mentioned, I worked many years in the NHS and can honestly say that I did not know of the exitance to this resource.