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Living on your own, tips and ideas to manage

whistles

It's a possibility that I might be moving from living with others to nobody but me. (sudden change in personal circumstances)

At the age I am 52, it feels like a sink or swim situation. I was stopped from moving into sheltered housing whenever I mentioned it, so I have made a life for myself based on that never happening.

What are your tips for occupying yourself?

What do you do when there is nobody to talk to?

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Comments

Elizabeth100

Yes, independence can be lonely, although also freeing too. Depending upon your circumstances, I would join some organisations, like transition towns, if there is one near you: https://transitionnetwork.org/. . You might watch a film, or help to create a community garden, or debate (or simply listen to) some climate change issues. There are also cinema offers…i.e. pay so much a month and watch as many films as you want: https://banbury.thelight.co.uk/join.

Why not decide what you are interested first and do a google search to see what comes up in your area? Then you'll be meeting people who have similar interests. Take care, E xx

garyaye123

I have been on my own for nearly a year split with wife after 13 years of marriage it is hard but you adapt to it i’m an alchaholic we’ll 18 month soba now i attend AA meetings twice a week where i have met so many nice friends but there is groups about to meet people im 57 now and still find it hard sometimes medicaly signed off worked but i do try and find time to go out to meet friends from AA you will meet people who are in the same boat as you good luck

michael57

couple of mirrors and learn to be a ventriloquist follow me for more money saving tips throughout the year you will be fine fella

Hopeless

I’m 52 and have lived alone for a long time. I prefer it! I have pet guinea pigs to keep me company.
When you’ve moved ask your GP to refer you to a social prescriber- they’ll know what is available in your area that matches your interests and needs.

Albus_Alumni

I've found pets and online gaming to be great for not feeling alone. I know gaming isn't for everyone, but there's lots of hobby groups out there which can be a great boon. The beauty of the online world is there's usually someone else up when you need a chat.

whistles

What is a social prescriber?

I have contacted the local council as they have a support team that you need to be referred to in the first instance. But it just gets things started, although they aren't back at work yet.

I don't really understand why things are all online and you have to bid for property based on your band and requirements, even for sheltered housing. I need to be reassessed (sore subject as the team that should have been doing things lost my file) they tried to blame the computer system.

My biggest concern is that I won't be able to afford the bills, won't be able to manage the bills. Having always lived in accommodation where that's taken care of because I was seen as not being able to manage, have capacity. Nobody really knows how this is going to work out.

Ostia

Hello.Whistles, sorry you are having a worrying time.

I don't understand why you have been "stopped" from applying for sheltered housing if that is what you prefer....or perhaps your council doesn't offer it to under 55? If sheltered housing would be best for you I would find out more and apply to go on a waiting list when you are at the right age. There may be almshouses in a community setting which may be suitable as well if you meet their criteria.

You may be lucky in the meantime re bills if you apply to your Council for Discretionary Payments to help out with rent or bills. Some charities may also be able to help...try www.turn2us.org.uk.

Best wishes

GalDriver

I'm a 66 year old wheelchair user (SPMS). I spend most of my days indoors, often alone, as I can't get out. The internet is a godsend. Not only can I chat with friends online (&with online friends) but I can have a project. Genealogy is an ongoing one, writing is a less frequent ongoing one as well as running a couple of charity facebook pages and, at the moment, I'm deciphering headstone engravings from an old church yard locally. To each their own but be open to opportunities that'll keep you enjoyably occupied. Try to not get suckered into too much daytime TV. I'm so much happier now I've knocked it on the head and it makes me think of other things to do. Good luck.

colejames

Hi Whistles,

There's been a lot of good advice on here but I'll add a couple of suggestions.

You say you're worried about bills, most district councils have a team who advice on finances. They should be able to go through things with you and help you set up direct debits to coincide with when you receive your benefits.

Enablers/Social Prescribing would be very good or see if there is a local charity for disabled people. I have one in my town and they are very good and specialise in our issues.

Pop to the library and have a chat with them, they generally have a good idea of what is going on locally.

Get into the habit of batch cooking especially if you have a freezer as it can save you having to cook on a day when you may not feel up to it. Mince and onions can be cooked and then seperated into portions. These can easily be added to for different meals such as a spaghetti bolognese, shepherds pie, chilli etc depending on what you enjoy.

If you are going into sheltered accommodation, there may well be people in a similar situation in the in your new housing.

Living on your own does have benefits as you can do what you like when you like. You can also have friends around to see you.

Good luck

Neil

Littlefatfriend

Hi Whistles

Do you have access to a social worker please? It seems likely to me you'll be entitled to one and they can be helpful sources of advice/contacts in situations like this.

If not your GP or most other health advisors will be able to refer you to a social worker, you could contact your local council directly and ask for one to contact you (https://www.gov.uk/find-local-council) and you could contact Beacon about how Continuing Health Care might help you (https://beaconchc.co.uk/).

Continuing Healthcare can help with adaptations and healthcare costs etc if you have ongoing health needs.

This is the NHS guide to social prescribing:

https://www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/social-prescribing/

Adapt North East has this guide to accessing Social Prescribing, which includes a form one may use to refer oneself for it. They're based in the north-east of England but similar services will be available wherever you are in the UK:

https://adapt-ne.org.uk/index.php/northumbria-pcn-social-prescribing-service/

As others have mentioned above, living alone is no longer anything like as potentially isolating as it once was. The internet can be a great source of contacts and conversation, inspiration, entertainment, all sorts essentially. None of it is difficult to learn once you start. There will also most likely be all manner of groups and organisations you could find who meet up and do interesting things near enough to you.

If sheltered housing is what you prefer, I'm curious who might prevent you from making that choice? Again a social worker may be helpful, and there will be advice available particular to where you want to live. You can also refer yourself and apply online for sheltered housing:

https://www.gov.uk/apply-for-sheltered-housing

It may seem a big step, but I certainly enjoy living on my own. We should be able to do whatever we choose in that respect. I could change my mind.

I encourage you not to dismiss the idea of having your own place just because it's a change, but clearly that should be entirely up to you.

Budgeting and bill management is all relatively easy to do. It only requires a little organisation sometimes and again there are all sorts of advice and help available.

My apologies if this seems like a lot of info to sort through. If I can help you find resources local to you I'm very happy to, just tell me at least roughly where you hope to live. It will be very easy for me, I've been using and programming the internet and working in advocacy for people with disabilities for over 30 years now. I use a wheelchair all of the time. If you'd like me to help, tell me here whereabouts or PM me (if we can here!). No pressure, obviously.

Good luck in whatever choices you make, please try to enjoy them like an opportunity.

Luke

whistles

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/961855#Comment_961855

The council called me today. They said they have nothing to offer me as I need to be given a Devon 21 notice before they have to find something.

Locally here you need to be referred via social services to go onto the sheltered housing list. The council no longer own houses, it's all individual housing associations with their own rules and requirements. They are all over 55 only. In exceptional circumstances the individual association might allow you a viewing, but no guarantee.

Sheltered housing is only preferred over being told residential could be the only other option. I mean seriously!! At 52.

Ostia

OK so what is a Devon 21 Notice?

Best wishes

whistles

I try my best to avoid daytime tv. I enjoy watching films and have a selection of dvds to look through that I can have. Also charity shops sell them for 50p.

I havent worked out how the internet works without a phone line. I don't know what spare cash I will have for a tv license even, I have absolutely no idea what things cost.

I like listening to music and reading, doing jigsaws. It's likely just the evenings that I may notice more than daylight.

Ostia

Hello

Perhaps www.turn2us.org.uk would let you know about small grants which may cover a TV licence and Internet access? That would be a modest sum.

Best wishes

whistles

I don't have a Social Worker, but they are having an urgent meeting next week to discuss what needs to happen now. So my guess is I will have once that's done. I am already in the system, but they lost my paperwork and it took a few days off searching the computers for it.

I have lived all my adult live in supported housing. The council lady didn't feel that sheltered would be suitable because you are on your own in theory. I might qualify for more funding re direct payment, but I don't know how I will manage that plus everything else.

Locally to be accepted on the housing list that deals with sheltered as I am under 55 I need a referral. I am hoping to get that as I have friends living in sheltered that I could meet and chat etc etc.

Private isn't an option. I am too scared that the place will get sold from under me.

whistles

Just to say a big thank you to everyone who taken the time to reply to this post.

Much appreciated. Xx

pburns1337

I've been living on my own for years and I'm really content. I don't feel like I'm missing anything, most people are discontented with their lives in one way or another. For me, having the internet is essential though, to stave off boredom and keep in touch with relatives etc. I don't watch TV, I threw away my television years ago because it was making me feel unhappy and inadequate. Television is not good for you, in my opinion.

figraspberry41

Hi Whistles,

I'm so sorry to read about your dreadful circumstances. Lots of people are offering you sound opinions /advice, which I hope some is of benefit to you. I live alone and have done for many years. I'm fortunate that I do have two son's but they both have their own families and their own problems.

If you are able to venture out (when the weather is better) and perhaps if you have some one that you can meet up with you might be able to do as I have done with a more physically disabled than me friend and I do. We make ourselves a flask and take it to the local park with a snack and chat, put the world to rights etc.. We might 'chat' to passers by, dog walkers etc.. It doesn't have to be a long time (one of us needs to use the bathroom and toilets are sadly lacking locally!) However, even and hour out means that you have something to do, you have company even though it might be a short while and it gives you something to talk about whether that be the weather, what birds you might have spotted or if you see signs of spring flowers beginning to show their appearance.

I really hope that your situation is soon satisfactorily resolved! Don't know if this is useful or not but hope that it might be. Good luck and Best wishes.

whistles

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/962078#Comment_962078

Sorry auto decided that's what I wrote.

It should read a Section 21 notice. So the LL goes to court to get the notice to evict, then the council have 56 days to put me somewhere.

As a vulnerable adult with health / disability needs this seems to be an archaic way of treating someone. I can't just move out. I might need a ground floor. I currently have a ground floor.

whistles

Thank you for this. I feel it's important to have a routine and I am trying to stick with my daily one.

I do get public transport and so chat to people while I wait. Usually the weather, where is the transport, mundane rubbish. Most of those people could live alone, which I might be able to suggest meeting for a flask of coffee. I already have one of those.