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Dec 21 winter soltice: Celebrate our dark side?

StarryEyed

This year I've decided to use the darkest day of the year - the Winter Solstice on Dec 21 - to celebrate my dark side. I spent my first 30 years holding in my dark side, followed by another 30 years learning to embrace my dark side. I've gone against the current in doing this as we live in a world that is often hell-bent on one thought and one emotion: Happiness. Life is so much more complex and layered and beautiful than just happiness.

So on the 21st I want to celebrate my darkness - something that society often devalues and tries to keep silent in the shadows. I have a very bright light side too, but that's all the world seems to want to celebrate, so I think it's high time I have at least this one day in the year set aside to celebrate my darkness. Some of my dark thoughts and feelings include:

Anger
Frustration
Emptiness
Self-consciousness
Low self-esteem
Lack of motivation
Overwhelmed
Hopeless
Helpless
Despondent
Ugly
Out of place
Invisible
Insignificant
Worthless
Vulnerable
Stupid

And I have come to love that side of me. I think it's particularly fitting to celebrate on the 21st before we get full on into the Christmas season. You know, a balance.

Care to join me? Any ideas on how to celebrate?

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Comments

Ostia

Interesting idea..

I would say acceptance rather than celebration would be helpful!

Anger has its uses when used wisely, but calling onself stupid or ugly is unkind and no doubt, untrue.

It would be eery to "celebrate" all these things on a Solstice especially with rituals and it may have negative consequences so I certainly wouldnt do that.

Or maybe you werent really serious about proposing a celebration??

Best wishes for a peaceful Christmas

StarryEyed

Like I say, it goes against the grain of most people. Including you, I see.

And, yes, I celebrate the days I feel ugly because they enhance the days I feel beautiful. I am both. And sometimes I don't know which I am.

And the days I have stupid head are now manageable because I let myself have an intellectual time off, a break. Then when I've got my noggin on straight I do the smart stuff.

And when I can't go on, I hold myself gently, knowing a day will come when I'm happy to be alive.

And so on.

Anyway, if you don't like the idea, fine. I'm not asking for criticism of my idea. I don't need anyone's approval. I'm asking if anyone wants to join me.

Rachel_Scope

It's an interesting idea that I've never considered before @StarryEyed! How would you go about celebrating?

StarryEyed

Thank you, @Rachel_Scope

Just starting to think about ideas, something along these lines.... Firstly, I'm thinking the theme should be all dark. So I won't open the blinds that day. I will stay inside. My clothing will be all black. Only dim lights and candles. Food will be all cold, like cereal, boiled eggs, canned fish, raw veggies - and the like. Phone off morning to night - that will be horrible! Dark movies, meaning dramas. Something along those lines. It's about embracing the darkness, breathing it in.

Rachel_Scope

I quite like this idea, apart from the cold food! I think it could be a 'fun' thing to do for want of a better word. If you can celebrate it without it negatively affecting your mental health then go for it! Just allow yourself the option to do more positive things if it gets too much 😊

StarryEyed

Thank you @Rachel_Scope. I mostly eat cold food anyway. But I can't do without hot coffee and hot tea! That's unnecessary torture 😁 The idea too is that I unwilling get pulled into the darkness, but I have learned fighting it is typically counterproductive. So I enter more willingly now. But I've never purposely put myself there, unless I'm doing some sort of therapy. But I don't mean this to be therapy. I just want to let it be dark without an agenda.

Your idea about having a safety plan is a great one. Thank you. One of my friends IRL is doing this too, but we haven't decided how yet, just that we will. I'll talk to him too about a safety plan.

For the movie I'm thinking Batman Begins. Pretty dark. It's my max dark.

Rachel_Scope

A great film for a moody day. That's a great perspective - I think we just need to accept our negative feelings sometimes and ride them out for a while. Will you let me know what your plan ends up being and how it goes please? I'm very intrigued!

StarryEyed

Yes, @Rachel_Scope I'll keep the info here as it shapes up. Thank you for your interest.

I started as a young person by rejecting the "negative" thoughts and feelings, until they couldn't be ignored anymore. Then I unwillingly examined them with the purpose to get rid of them. Then I learned that they had important messages and that the world was incomplete without them. Then I learned that they were only negative and/or uncomfortable because I hadn't listened to them. Once I listened, they were neither uncomfortable nor negative (present day). I mean, they're not easy, but they're less difficult to be with.

You know how they say we are our own worst critic, and would we say/do that to a friend? So I thought about if a person is stupid, would I get mad at them or treat them badly or reject them? No. So same for me. Or ugly? No. So same for me. Or at their wit's end as to how to go on? No. And so on for my list above. I would still cherish them no matter what. It might be difficult to cherish them, but I would try my best. So same for me. Does that make sense?

Ostia

Your explanations are very helpful.

Rachel_Scope

It does make sense and I find it really interesting! Can't wait to hear about how the day turns out.

StarryEyed

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1091509#Comment_1091509

Thank you for taking the time to read on and for your effort in considering my perspective. 🙏🏼

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1091516#Comment_1091516

Thank you for your interest and enthusiasm, Rachel. 😘😊

Last night I spoke to my friend who is also celebrating, and we decided I should leave my phone on because I love my phone. Good reasoning! 😁 He will call me the day of to check in on each other. My brother is also calling that night.

On the day, I'm considering reading a Leonard Cohen book I own but haven't finished, as well as watching a DVD documentary on him that I own but haven't watched and that I've been meaning to watch for many years now. He's my favourite dark artist in the whole wide world.

As for a soundtrack for the day, I'm considering one of my favourite albums that I haven't listened to in a very long time, The Dark Side of the Moon. 💘

WhatThe

Nick Cave's Veiled World - Sky Documentaries/Sky Arts

Anything by Nick Cave 😁

chiarieds

Leonard Cohen was first & foremost a poet & his music was an extension of that. I've read his poems & listened to his music for decades. Lots of people don't care for his music/voice, but it's what he conveyed with the words & how he wrung meaning out of them. I think he became quite philosophical/even more so in later life after listening to some documentaries he made then.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wRYjtvIYK0&list=RD6wRYjtvIYK0&start_radio=1

SmellyBin

I don't think there is anything wrong with the dark, more like there is something wrong with society forcing us to so-called shine.

For me personally, I am more into the one going together with the opposite, like no joy without sorrow, the idea that the stars seem the brightest when it is dark. This is more my sort of philosophy.

You might want to read Luminous Darkness by Deborah Eden Tull: Darkness is deeply misunderstood in today’s world; yet it offers powerful medicine, serenity, strength, healing, and regeneration. All insight, vision, creativity, and revelation arise from darkness. It is through learning to stay present and meet the dark with curiosity rather than judgment that we connect to an unwavering light within. Welcoming darkness with curiosity, rather than fear or judgment, enables us to access our innate capacity for compassion and collective healing..

Sending you love for this day of Winter Solstice, hopefully it will bring you some peace, @StarryEyed

66Mustang

@StarryEyed

I liked reading this

Even though this resonates with me I also took a strange kind of reassurance in seeing how, as you pointed out, your idea goes against the grain… in an eerie kind of way, I think I'd have felt disappointment if everyone had chimed in to say that they agreed or resonated

Like I imagine of yourself, I've spent a long time seeking approval of the majority, then later just recognition from the majority… however, at the same time, I like to think of myself as different to most people and celebrate that

It's a weird clash of desires and I suppose we can't have both

SmellyBin

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1092083#Comment_1092083

It makes sense what you say, Mustang. A bit about wanting to fit in, yet not completely.

I wonder if it can be both, even though you say we can't. I cannot be absolutely sure, but what I am thinking is that whether we want approval of one person or the majority… won't there always be a part of us that a single person or most people agree with yet and at the same time another part that they don't?
Not sure if I am explaining this properly or clearly. An example: I wear nail polish in bright colors, some friends appreciate me for it - thinking it is part of me, yet others might disagree with looking like that but still want to be my friend for other reasons. You weren't referring to friends, so now I've got myself doubting this example, yikes.

But yeah, the desire for feeling similar to or accepted by people simply for who you are and also the need to be yourself despite their possible opinions, I get that. The first is linked to us being social creatures, the second to think of yourself in your own right, but I am only guessing here. Aren't you the one who knows about nervous system things, or am I confusing you with someone else?

Biblioklept

I spent so many years hating so much about myself and fighting myself inside, when I started embracing and acknowledging how I felt, the good, the bad and the ugly, the more at peace I’ve found myself!!

We are all complex people, full of many different thoughts, feelings and emotions, and that’s okay!
Life needs balance and a mix of everything, you can’t have good without bad, how would you ever know you’re happy if you’ve never felt sad?

I hope you’ve found today healing for you and that you’ve embraced however you’ve chosen to “celebrate” ❤️

StarryEyed

Hi all and thank you so much for your kind and helpful comments. Yesterday was a huge success as I realised my dark side is very human. It's a long story to explain how I arrived at that conclusion, but that's the conclusion. In a nutshell, by staring bravely into the darkness, I was able to see clearly. Your comments here helped, as I checked in throughout the day. What I mean by a human dark side is even when I'm in a panic attack or in depression or dissociated or just generally falling apart, I'm very human. And even though many people may be uncomfortable talking about those things, they can relate to some degree. So I belong in this world, even when I'm unglued. I've never felt that, let alone believed it. So thank you for being there.

I'll respond to your comments here. Each comment would result in a long discussion IRL, but we're limited here by space. So I'll keep it brief, knowing I am not able to do justice to your comments….

@WhatThe Nick Cave did two great songs on the Leonard Cohen DVD. But I've never really clicked with his stuff. Could you please recommend your faves, and I'll check them out?

@chiarieds I too have been a fan of Leonard Cohen since I was a kid. As a Canadian, I can so relate to his being. Our culture is steeped in all that is Leonard Cohen. That video you posted is something I can't get enough of. The interaction of everyone on stage feels humble, gentle, kind, warm and authentic. It brings my soul to its knees. 🧡

@66Mustang a clash of desires indeed. I've walked away three times now with the same story of seeking approval in the face of misjudgment and mistreatment - first family, then the psychiatric system and then the medical system. The majority can often be wrong, right? :)

@SmellyBin definitely that's my experience too, that everyone will have things they like and dislike about you. I love the Curt Cobain quote, "I'd rather someone hate me for who I am, rather than love me for who I am not."

@Biblioklept yes, yes and yes. And yes. I totally agree. I've got a wider range than most people. But that's me. And that's okay.

There's this song I've been listening to for a while that just sums up to me what it is to feel in this world and what it is to want to get away. The song is called She. But it could be He, They, We, Them, Us…. It's so powerful and so sad yet so joyful, and so very human. I hope you guys like this….

https://youtu.be/NPH9j0qVM3A?si=EdwGSadt_4YLPD1d

StarryEyed

Thank you @Admin_Scope for fixing whatever problem there was with this post I made last night.

sarah_lea12

Days start getting lighter from 21st , so its the start of light in my opinion .