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Son Ds 22 an daughter asd 7 conflicts

mich22

My son is 22 has Down syndrome. My daughter 7 has asd, spd and adhd. The problem is my son can be very loud and angry when pushed to limit by 7 yr old. Obviously im trying to educate both how to avoid getting to this point but it still happening when im not in room or they in garden. Its upsetting my daughter where she thinks her brother doesnt like her. My son doesnt seem bothered by it.
I was home educating my daughter due to difficulties with anxiety and adhd symptoms at school. She has just started last week at a new smaller school doing afternoons. This week is going well but im also trying to give time to my son who is trying to find something to do. The age gap doesnt help 22 and 7 but im also going through process of diagnosis of ms myself. Im ok but just so tired. I gave my job up as my sons residential college finished so had no one around for him but also my daughter due to her struggles at school. Im not even sure what im asking but just ranting! Finding it difficult with age gap and different diagnosis between them. My son attends a drama group once per wk which he pay towards. Ive just found him a voluntary place at charity shop so im hoping that may help for few hours while i try and get the ball rolling for my daughters statement of educational need. There doesnt seem to be any respite. We in north wales

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Pippa_Alumni

Thank you for sharing this with us @mich22. It certainly sounds as though things have been difficult for you all and that you're coping with a lot at the moment.

I wonder if you've ever spoken with the team at Carers UK? They have a brilliant support and advice line and may be better placed to offer some practical support:

You can email us or contact us and we will respond to your enquiries within 5 working days, although it can often be sooner.
Our telephone helpline providing information is open on Mondays and Tuesday between 10am and 4pm - 0808 808 7777

In the meantime, I wonder if there's any advice @KellyParentAdvisor can offer?

KellyParentAdvisor

Hi @mich22, what a lot you're coping with! It sounds as though you need some respite of some sort, so definitely check out the link above for Carers UK to see if there's anything in your area. Do you know of any charities locally or in wider Wales that may be able to offer support? Perhaps a befriending service for either (or both!) of your children would help.

I was also going to suggest that perhaps your son is a little bored if he's no longer at his residential college, so it's great he's got a volunteering job - hopefully this will focus his mind a little.

Is there a way you can also focus your daughter when she's at home so that she doesn't have as much opportunity to wind up your son? Does she have any favourite activities to do at home? Does she enjoy sensory play activities, or does she have a space she can escape to if she's feeling overwhelmed?

mich22

Thanks for reply. Yes my daughter loves being outdoors especially in the garden. I have sensory play areas, water bottles, potions and lotions, swimming pool and she loves making stuff with kitchen ingredients.
Its not that my daughter winds my son up, its more my son has low tolerance of her. Yesterday my daughter chose to buy her brother a new pen as he broke his. My son was so ungrateful of it and said he didnt want it. I explained to him to be polite etc and he reluctantly said thanks but still wouldnt take the pen which left my daughter up. She put a for sale sign on his bedroom door as said she selling his bedroom as he is mean. Its little incidents like this that take so much energy up trying to resolve or make light of

KellyParentAdvisor

@mich22 I totally get it. Unfortunately, siblings bickering is a totally normal part of pretty much any family! It's just harder when our kids have additional needs that make it harder for them to understand the feelings and emotions of the other. It sounds as though your daughter has a very kind soul