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We want to hear from you: please tell us about your experience of the online community.

Hi, my name is deb1011!

deb1011

Hi, can anyone give a very stupid person some advice regarding housing.
I’m so scared and lonely all the time due to a domestic violence case and have now got myself into a predicament the police call “cuckooing”

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deb1011

I forgot to add, I suffer from mental health, boarder line personality and chronic depressed anxiety, I also have osteoarthritis of the lumber region And spondylosis of my neck, I am 45 and find it hard to accept this is going to be me for the rest of my life.
I’d like to make friends with people that understand as I have trust issues, mainly with my own judgment on people leaving me vulnerable to being exploited like recent events

chiarieds

Hi @deb1011 - & welcome to the community. I'm sure you're far from a stupid person, rather a victim of abuse. I must admit, I had to look up 'cuckooing,' but, if I understand this right, rather than you having got yourself into this predicament, then again another/others have exploited yourself as a vulnerable person.

I don't know if I can help, but, if the police are aware, are they offering you support? If you feel at immediate risk, then contact them.

There's some info here:

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

May I ask, what is the advice you need regarding housing? Is it to get yourself somewhere safe? I'm sure other members may better advise if we knew a little more, but can appreciate if you find that difficult to say. Do keep yourself safe online:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/cover-your-tracks-online/

deb1011

I am staying with family at the moment, but I need to move, so I can be closer to my daughter, but because I’m already housed will they help
me to get a move.
I and on an exchange site, but that could take forever, and although I’m loving being with family, I am feeling a burden and the unknown is causing my anxiety to raise its ugly head

L_Volunteer

Hi @deb1011

Welcome to Scope's forum. It is great to see you have joined us. I am really proud of you for finding the courage to reach out for support. I recognise how much courage it must take to reach out for support, especially when you are already feeling vulnerable. I am really glad to see @Teddybear12 has already provided you with some wonderful support.

Unfortunately, housing is not my area of expertise. This means it may need to be someone else with more knowledge in this area who is able to respond to you with advice. However, I wanted to say you are not “very stupid”. Housing can be really complex! Is there anything, in particular, that you want to know about housing?

I am really sorry to hear you are having a difficult time, with feeling scared, lonely, a domestic violence case, and your mental and physical health in general. I just want to say that I think we are a supportive and friendly community and I hope you will find the same. Please can I ask how safe you currently feel with the domestic violence case? Also, have you currently got any support in place for your mental and physical health? Or is this something you would like more of?

I think you are doing really well and being really brave – both in telling us what is going on for you, but also continuing to put one foot in front of the other no matter how small those steps may sometimes feel. If there is anything at all we can do to help, please just let us know. You can tell us as much or as little as you feel comfortable with but we will always listen and do what we can to support you!

Sending you hugs. We have faith in you that you will get through this and see brighter days

Ross_Alumni

Hello @deb1011

Welcome to the community, thank you for speaking so openly and honestly about what you are going through, it sounds like a lot. As mentioned above, you have been very brave in reaching out, so I thank you for doing so.

You aren't stupid at all, and I'm sure that your family are happy to have you with them and don't consider you a burden whatsoever. It's good that you have a supportive family and can be with them at this time, if you feel unsafe or unsure about your home then I would encourage you to stay with them for now.

Regarding your mental health, do you receive any support from your GP to manage it? If you feel as though you're struggling at the moment, I would encourage you to contact them and see if there is any way in which they can support. Additionally, you could access the many useful resources on the Mind website or contact somewhere like Samaritans for a chat on 116 123 (you do not have to be suicidal to call them).

Thank you for disclosing the domestic violence and situation with your house, are the police fully aware of what you have been through? It seems to me as though they are aware when it comes to the situation with your house, but you haven't mentioned whether you have reported the domestic abuse? Please keep in contact with the police regarding your house, and hopefully they will be able to support you through it. Have you also been in touch with your housing association about it?

If you need to access support for the domestic violence you have suffered, I would recommend speaking with the police that you are in contact with and filing a report. Alternatively, we would be happy to assist with making a report on your behalf, and I will be in touch with you via email to discuss this further. We could also look to find you some support in your local area, but in the meantime you can access national services such as the Refuge domestic abuse helpline.

As mentioned, please keep an eye out for our email, and take care

deb1011

Thank you all for your support
The domestic violence case was reported and to my shock he had a vast history on violence towards women, is on the highest mappa and an ipp ( life license) despite give 3 statements over 6 months and his were all different as well as a proven false alibi, he was found not guilty due to evidence that wasn’t shown and the failure to call witnesses that would have proved his guilt.
I was awarded a 5 year restraining order and he his still inside due to the violation of parol in the first instance.
Just as the case finished I made friends with this lady that has been manipulating me, taking my money and now my home, I was housed in the first place due to the degree of violence and my safety, but yet again I allow a toxic manipulative person into my life although this time in the disguise of a friend.
I hate myself for allowing people to do this, for attracting the sort of people that harm others, my naïvety in allowing my life to roll out of control it is impossible to find any mental health support, I’ve tried dr and the well-being but come to a dead end, now I feel It would be better for my family of I wasn’t around, at least they would find some peace, I just don’t know where to turn

Tori_Scope

Hi @deb1011

I've sent you another email from community@scope.org.uk, so please do keep an eye out for that. Did you receive our last email?