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How we can seem so together unyet utterly broken

Jane315STARX

I'm sitting here thinking how Not just me,but how we as people can form a discussion in such a way that it appears that we are so together and present in everything.Unyet an event can make us seem like we have died and are walking around in a muffled world.We can hear people speaking but it's like there is a problem with the sound and the whole world has changed.Its like walking around on auto pilot.Does this make sense?.T

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smokey18

yes absolutely makes sense

Ostia

Hi Jane, it sounds as if you have had a shock or you are feeling overwhelmed...please look after yourself. As to the experience of muffling of sound and a sense of unreality. ..have you heard of dissociation and derealisation? It's the brains way of protecting itself from too much stress but it can continue long after the event has passed. There are ways to bring yourself back into the present which you can learn...strong smells and tastes eg peppermint can help! I am not a doctor and it may not be dissociation so it would be worth checking out with your GP if it continues and is not helpful in your life. I have struggled with this on and off for many years and have learned ways to cope with it.

Check out the charity Unreal.

All the best, AA

Barnie

Aye totally i sometimes feel as if i'm outside of my body, not really here, weird i know but i can relate.

bookrabbit

It does seem odd the way we can tune in and out. The human brain is a strange thing.

I often feel lost in time and don't know when I am or quite how I got here.

But when I have something to do I am much better and can engage with safe people, not that there are many of them.

I have been even more disocciated previously having come out of years and years of extreme stress. I seem to be incapable of getting help and as I tend to hide rather than become disruptive no help comes to me. But then I look at the state of services and think that getting help would just add yet more stress… I have survived almost 60 years without it after all.

Littlefatfriend

I'm lying (down) unsurprised by anything that's happening, although very little of it is what I'd choose ideally.

The world doesn't work according to my ideals but why should it?

A problem with hope is that people imagine such varied and various versions of how the world should be for the best.

Our species has met a challenging and ruinously expensive plague. One of our most important energy suppliers is being sanctioned over their illegal war. Housing costs and many other issues increasingly factionalise us into competing groups. Fear is driving lots of decisions and that's rarely for the best.

People seem to be arguing incessantly and that's when we stop listening to each other. Forming into self-isolating groups.

Twas always the way, we're just overexposed to it right now for the reasons I listed above (etc).

Once the bluster and rhetoric is put to the test, negotiations will have to find a path to the future and I'm sure they will.

During the LA riots of 1992 Rodney King famously asked "can we, can we all just get along?".

For the most part we do. As they so do however some people make a lot of noise.

This too shall pass...

Mob59

Totally get it ❤️

Ostia

Hi Catherine21

The bubble and fogginess part could be derealisation unless there is something neurological going on? Have you had it checked out?

The taking risks aspect is not part of derealisation but maybe you have a fearless or impulsive part of your personality which is active at times...maybe trying to "go for it" when you are shy!. But if it's not helpful or causing problems it may be an idea to reflect on it and think of ways of gently reining it in...perhaps taking longer to make decisions...

All the best, Ostia x

Jane315STARX

It seems so many of us feel very much alike.Thank you Ostia.This does make sense.I feel personally I'm on the cusp of a very deep depression.Its odd because I've been suicidal before and have made attempts ( many years ago).I don't feel that way now but I can now understand from the position that I'm in that only 1 attempt was to end my life.living with pain every day both emotional and now physically and thinking about the future I am thinking realistically how things will pan out.A year goes pretty fast but getting through the next 5 years seems unimaginable.I think that the concern is that like in any/many professions there is total incompetence.Weve seen it with Politicians,Dr's,the list goes on with scandals and I just feel I can't put my trust in anyone anymore.

Ostia

Hi Catherine

Sorry to hear you have been so low...you are an articulate and valued person, just look at the discussion your post opened up on this forum! It would not have been possible without your courage and openness. As you can see, so many people struggle with their emotional life, and very few of us were brought up being shown good ways to handle big feelings. We have to learn this as we go along...

Fortunately there is so much information available now on stress, dissociation and mental health. Lots of research has been done in the last 30 years and it is ongoing.

Did you know that several of the top trauma experts eg Janina Fisher, consider BPD to be a trauma problem, not a personality issue....it can stem from insecure relationships growing up, emotional neglect and poor parenting. I think if you look her up it will be an eye opener for you, and should lift the stigma of being diagnosed with a "disorder".

I attended a conference with her a few months ago in London..it was amazing and so helpful.

I live with post viral ME and Complex PTSD and other neurological issues so I know how hard it is just to make it though the day sometimes. I do have a therapist but I also worked out years ago that it is hard to find the right help and anyway, I know best what is going on inside me. So I set to learning about my issues online and through YouTube videos plus some paid courses...it helps me a lot to have that understanding for myself. Trust is difficult with all the problems you mentioned, so I am working on trying to trust myself and just a few other people. I have a good GP which is also very fortunate. I hope you have some kind people around you too.

Wishing you all the best for a peaceful weekend.

Ostia

Ps sorry to go on so long!

Ostia

Hi Catherine

I have to be careful here as I am not a doctor but I have heard that BPD is a complex condtion which can have a component of trauma to it, specifically attachment trauma.

What links it with PTSD and similar conditions is that the person's nervous system has become highly dysregulated and difficult to manage, overreacting to apparent threat in a way which causes problems for the person eg in angry outbursts, getting overexcited or upset etc such that people around them won't tolerate it…it just seems "too much" , but it is not the fault of the person suffering.

What lies beneath this aspect is not having learned how to regulate and express difficult feelings and how to communicate their needs in an effective manner. We all suffer from this, to some degree! Sometimes we grow up copying how our parents/carers behave, without realising it. It can be a question of unlearning bad habits, practicing new habits over and over….

If you are interested in looking into this, have a look at "The Polyvagal System" in Youtube videos, along with any information on "Emotional Dysregulation". And Janina Fisher's website has a lot of information which could be helpful. Learning about Self Compassion is also very supportive…yes it is a science now!

All the best and have a lovely weekend.

Jane315STARX

I personally believe in the afterlife and when this happens to me it's like I'm actually already dead but people can see me and still speak me.It happened recently and I couldn't conceal how awful I felt at an appointment.I pretended to have a headache but the people there know me quite well and ordinarily I have a chirpy bubbly personality.Anyway one of the staff said "are you sure you are ok?,you seem Gone,it's like you are dead behind the eyes,has something happened?".This was so spot on that she could see I was gone in what felt like soul.I acknowledge that I have disassociated from experiences from the past in order to carry on with daily life.This has worked now for over 16 years but it's all been triggered off by the universal credit ( and I know it's sounds pathetic but my journey with it has been awful.So I now am in a situation where I have huge responsibility for a child and I have no choice but to always do the right thing ( which I will).Sanity is such an important thing and keeping it to make the right choices is very tough in the world we now live

Jane315STARX

eeL I can totally identify with you being anti social as I don't know if you'd agree but most people only seem out for themselves and only want what they can get from a relationship.Even via social media they take and don't give back.Its nice to be heard but also listen to others because that's how we learn ( I think anyway).It sounds like you've also been through a lot

Jane315STARX

Yes I think there a variations of levels of this.The worst can be ( obviously not all).But inherited wealth as it can breed narcissism.I have witnessed gross attitudes from these types of people whom are never truly happy within themselves and it appears their goal is just to put down others

Jane315STARX

How absolutely beautiful.Its almost to a point, written from the perspective of a squirrel.How I'd love to have that freedom sometimes.Do you find at times of your anxiety that you lose your level of intellect?.Not that this necessarily matters.But I have found that my brain has a sort if aphasia.Cannot seem to find the correct words and im sure a neurologist could confirm the connectionbetween depression,thought process,word finding and general intellectual functions at times such as these

Jane315STARX

Humans are very odd but interesting sometimes boring,often dangerous but always very complex.I am just complicated and continually changing.I cannot keep up

Jane315STARX

I agree I also find the so called unexplainable fascinating.Scientists may contradict what may not be easily explained away with an explanation yet accessible to them.My late father had beliefs that different time zones existed and life went on simultaneously in each zone.He also spoke of experiences seeing a spirit once.He was an incredibly intelligent man and didn't mention any of these stories until my mid twenties which were truly fascinating.He always believed that he was in his word "biding his time on this earth".Which is an odd thing to say to your daughter,but something I take comfort from now thinking and hoping he is in a better place.I get the impression ( I may be wrong) that you have a love of reading?.As your writing is just beautiful

Ostia

That sounds awful, eel. Hope you can find effective medication against the migraine and vomiting….I remember that well but mine was hormone related and I have grown out of it, hurrah! Trouble is, the doctors never put 2 and 2 together to work out it was migraine and no medication offered…except morphine twice as an emergency. Don't put up with pain if you can find something to be taken in advance which prevents the migraine coming on….

Ostia

By the way, eeL, the thing about being able to find words, or put words to feelings is a well known phenomenon called alexithymia...there's a big Wiki page on it. Unpleasant, but it passes usually....

Ostia

Sorry I MEANT NOT being able to find words...

Jane315STARX

Yes deja vu is I think a subject that very under explored.I don't personally often experience it myself often anymore.I am fascinated my ghosts and spirits or should I say I'm open to the idea that they exist.I have wondered over the years why my father hasn't paid me a visit but perhaps he's way too happy being off this earth and it's energy.I do get regular visits by Robins which I take comfort from a belief that it may be a message from him.Our souls don't stay with our physical bodies necessarily so it'll certainly be interesting at some point in the future to see where we all go.We may have already been here and have absolutely no recollection.Do our memories get wiped?.It's a very bizarre thought but nothing is totally unreasonable