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My Life

Manonfire747

Hi Folks today my mood became very low , here I was on Bank Holiday Monday doing what I always do , not a lot . I couldn't shake of this mood of total despair , my life is probably like a lot of people on this site. I worry and feel anxious all the time about everything if the phone rings , if a letter arrives , I always feel like it's going to be bad news. I don't have any money to spend on clothes , going out , I don't have many friends and my Father is elderly and I am not close to my sister anymore . I am 61 have a lot of health issues and am waiting for surgery on my ankle and a colonoscopy . When I look back on my life when I was younger I was so much happier and , but I made mistakes and here I am . Does anybody else feel totally overwhelmed with their life ? It's just so difficult to turn your mood around , even with high doses of antidepressants and tablets for stress and anxiety.

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Comments

charl1234

Bless you metal health at any age is bad, and all the worry with benefits isn't helping alot if people myself included, I'll health also doesn't help I work but only part time and struggle also, try to do little things walk in park visy a library, find things on TV, life is **** we just have to try and plod on through 😍

JD_INCINERATOR

Life was usually better 20 plus years ago and these days things seem so tough. However, if we persist brighter days will come, and hardships are needed in order to find salvation. I hope you find your salvation wherever you can.

hass

Hi all

I share your pain and send you warm wishes.

I've had a terrible week went to A& E by GP request he wrote a letter was there 14 hours my left side became redundant.

First doc was good was sent back from urgent care to A & E the 2nd doctor refused to treat me would not do test and was very rude and made unprofessional comments abouts her colleagues.

went back to my GP and she said go back she may not be there .

Whats going on with everything.

I'm sorry but I can't see light I just see dark .

Its all doom and gloom.

I was and am still in pain and feel like a waste of space

Forgive me if I've ruined people moods .

charl1234

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1025201#Comment_1025201

Oh bless u make a complaint please!

Hope you get well soon

Littlefatfriend

Hi manonfire

Please breathe deeply and think of a sunny beach. Just because you can and that can be nice.

Anxiety really is only a frame of mind (driven by the biology of our bodies) and it won't help you, it seems you know.

I certainly don't intend to appear dismissive but help is available and really could change how you feel.

Most of us would like to have money to spend on clothes and going out but many (if not most) of us don't have enough or could have more. That's not unusual.

Unfortunately over a lifetime health issues accumulate, that's how ageing works. Medical advancements like colonoscopies only help to make us more healthy in the long run.

Our youths have long been described as halcyon days as much because we didn't know what we we're missing out on as because they were so good. Some of us were born healthy and able. We all make mistakes.

Everyone I've ever known has been in about the same situation. Aside from some who've had truly shocking abuse.

I sincerely encourage you to seek the help of a counsellor or someone else experienced in psychology.

A curious aspect of my spinal injury (@T4) is that I'm unable to experience fear or anger like a person without my disability. My brain isn't connected to my suprarenal body (the source of my body's adrenaline) therefore those emotions are only a choice when I feel them, powerful as they can be. It's a funny old world and I have a degree in psychology.

Drugs may certainly help you and I encourage you to please to also explore counselling.

Please, what are you afraid of (that's a rhetorical question you could take up with a counsellor, sorry)?

Good luck

colejames

It is strange that public holidays affect us more that other days of the year (except perhaps key family dates). Maybe it goes back to childhood when the extra day off and, perhaps, a family trip out or similar made them special?

I am coming out of a really bad time probably one of the worst low periods in my life and have so much that is negative going on around me. I'm about a year older than you and also on very high levels of anti-depressants. I find that my way out of the hole is doing things which benefit others. A friend who has helped me through the last year is now in a bad place themselves and supporting them in any way that I can helps. My ex-foster son lives with me and his health, both mental and physical is worse than mine so being a rock for him can be draining but it also seems to create a replacement attitude.

I may be in a different place than you as I am a gay man and I lost both my parents just over 30 years ago and my sister about 8 years later. I have been lucky in that following my parents death, I started to build a found family. Some are very close and I see every day or several days a week and some I may not see for a year or more but we can just pick up the phone and talk about anything as well as specific issues. Several of us have experienced the same traumas, so there is a level of understanding and not having to say things but yet know that you are being heard.

As today was a bank holiday I treated myself to a lie in, escaping into a book. Books are one of my refuges and when I am alone they are like a safety net. When I got up I made a mug of tea and toast and marmalade (which I only have on a weekend, so it was a bit of a treat). Then I got down to some council work, preparing a discussion paper. Although I have views on the matter, I find that writing a document which is more factual, rather than opinion is therapeutic and helps my mind. I guess between the research and concentrating on outlining the issues to be considered without imparting my own views, means that I am diverting my mind from me and my worries/issues. When I was younger I used to write plays and short stories, some of them dealing with the topics I was experiencing, often exaggerating the storyline to make things worse, heightened of more emotional. I have been told that I was putting myself in charge of the narrative and testing the worst scenarios. One of my found family popped in unexpectedly for a mug of tea and a chat which was a nice supprise. For me the hardest part of each day is heading to bed, as it is the time that I can divert my mind as easily. I have some puzzle games on my phone which I work through as well as a book on the go and I will generally fall asleep whilst doing one of those activities, i.e. keeping my mind away from my own demons.

I'm not making light of the situation as it has taken me a while to get to this point. Thirteen months ago I hit a depression so low it ranked in my three worst experiences. For six months I could not even go into my back garden. I didn't bath, I only ate bread, cakes, sweets, crisps etc. I did no housework or changed the bedding. Spending time with anyone was exhausting and I was often glad when they left as I'd have a **** wash, clean my teeth and get dressed rather than slob around in a dressing gown. In October, a friend got me to leave the house with him and at that time I started attending council meetings again but only if I was with someone both there and back. It took until March of this year for me to leave my house on my own and I was forced into doing that because of an emergency. Even now every day has it's challenges and I have had times when I have slipped back but i have just got back to a point where life has hope. The positive that keeps me going I guess is working to make things better for others and to try to prevent them going through some of the things which I have. Most of the time no-one knows who I am or how i've been involved but I prefer it that way. I have set myself targets and challenges but if I don;t manage them I don't let myself get upset and try again another day. I guess I've just learned not to be so hard on myself.

wendy1

Hi Manonfire747,

I'm sorry you feeling so low, but just to let you know you are not alone in feeling this way.

I am too feeling more depressed than I was, so much I called my GP and asked to get my antidepressant increased. I think it's due to the state of the country and what the government's plans are.

My low mood is also affecting me to neglect my home, it doesn't help that I live alone and are grieving the loss of my mother.

I'm also unemployed due to health reasons, it's certainly a vicious circle living in the world.

Motzart

It's "bank holiday syndrome" the weather is good people are off work and we think they are all having a lovely time while we are miserable. Of course this is not true at all. Lots of people are fed up, sad, depressed etc. The sunshine is lovely but when its out we think we should be too doing something fun. I hope you get some therapy to help you feel better.

JennieWren

I spent the day in bed. However when I texted my completely healthy family and friends, they were spending time in the garden or catching up with housework. We imagine people are doing these amazing things but often they’re not. I’m hoping today is a better day.

Manonfire747

Hi folks thank you for your support and kind words. I think the stress of moving over to Universal Credit has had a terrible impact on my mental health over the past month. After being on ESA and before that Incapacity Benefit and having to go to a Job Centre for a interview to claim my Universal Credit was overwhelming . I am seeing my GP on the 12th May so I will talk to her about my fears and awful stress & anxiety that I am feeling at the moment. She is a very kind Doctor and I have been with her for around 20 years. I have no children and I lost my Mother to Dementia three years ago . As I said my Dad is 90 years old he helps me as much as he can , but I have been feeling that in ten or fifteen years when I am gone who will remember me , what difference have I made to society . I am sure that many of us feel the same way. One piece of good news is that my first payment of the Universal Credit went into my bank last night as per the letter said it would.

Holly_Alumni

Hi @Manonfire747 I can completely empathise with this as I've had similar thoughts and feelings myself. I think a lot of people have, so you're definitely not alone. 💛 I hope now Bank Holiday has finished you're starting to feel a bit better. I'm going to pop you an email shortly - please keep an eye out for it.

Martinp

all my neighbours had a street party but no one invited me which made me feel even more worthless.

Holly_Alumni

I'm so sorry to hear that @Martinp, of course that's going to have an impact on how you feel. Do you have a relationship with any of your neighbours at all? I hope you're doing ok today.

Martinp

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1025747#Comment_1025747

I’ve lived here 24 years now, I don’t know what I’ve done wrong but neighbours attitude towards me has changed last few months. I was sitting on my little wall outside front door and got completely blanked by one neighbour walking past, the other has stopped putting my bins out so I’ve got loads of rubbish I can’t get rid of as I can’t move the bin to the street when dustman take it away, also stopped doing my flower bed. It has upset me, Monday was a street party and everyone else was there but I didn’t get invited. I wish I could just get away from it all but I’m stuck in this house, the only people I see are from Tesco who deliver my food once a week.

Holly_Alumni

I'm so sorry @Martinp. Is there any way you could speak to them, to try to get to the bottom of what's happened and resolve it?

Martinp

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1025773#Comment_1025773

Thank you for your kindness Holly, I will try and see what happens but at the end of the day I will just have to get on with things best I can. I know I have been very distant and not wanting any contact with people but I’ve never been rude or caused problems with either of them. It’s difficult to explain but it’s my way of coping to shut myself off, I am so lonely but I don’t like being with people, it’s stupid I Know.

Manonfire747

My mood these last two /three weeks has been the worse I can ever remember. I think going over to Universal Credit took a lot out of me . I received about seven letters from DWP all very confusing. Phone calls , filling out my Journal online and the constant worry of what the outcome was going to be. At last I got a phone call from a very helpful lady from my local job centre and explained that I had gone over to U/C and gave me my next payment date and how much it would be. I think I am about £9 better off than when I was on ESA /Housing Benefit. I do have another ongoing battle at the moment trying to afford to pay for my Carers as I get so much from the local council and the rest I have to pay which is getting more and more each month. Is anybody else having problems to pay for their care package ?

Holly_Alumni

I can completely appreciate that, it's not stupid at all. I often need lots of "me" time otherwise things can be overwhelming so you need to do what's best for you. Is there anything you enjoy to do that makes you feel happier like a hobby or interest?

That's fair enough @Martinp only do what you're comfortable with. Don't force anything. These things tend to fizzle out with a bit of time so it might resolve itself after a little while. In the meantime, you have a community here ☺️

shirleys1961

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1025201#Comment_1025201

I feel for you as the same happened to me this week.

One doctor told me several things he was going go do but 2nd doctor cancelled it all. Its soul destroying, I have lost over 5 stone since Christmas cannot eat more than a mouthfull.

Our hospital needs sorting out desperately. I was told by the second doctor that my health problems were above their expertise. I ask myself why do they have a hospital that cannot help desperate patients.

I am now awaiting an appointment to be arranged at the RVI.

charl1234

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1025750#Comment_1025750

When you wrote you only see a tesco delivery driver my heart sank for you,

Do u live in rural area or in a town please try to find some sort of church or community groups mixing abit could help u and give you purpose

Chin up and my thoughts are with u

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