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19 year old and appointee status

Ikonik

Hoping to get some advice here

My son is 19. His PIP goes into my bank, to a separate account. That was set up when he transitioned to PIP from DLA. His universal credit was not claimed until about a year ago. That goes directly to his bank account and he spends it as he chooses. He is using {removed by moderator} and mixing with people who get him to buy vodka for them in exchange. He's volatile and I'm wondering if I should give up being his appointee for those reasons? He is adopted and his birth family have accused me of being controlling. His cousin's mother wanted his passport at her house so she could take him on holiday but he was on bail at the time and it wasn't her right to ask for the passport He's just been caught selling a stolen computer so I'm sadly not feeling that I want to help him anymore.

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Comments

losingfaith

I’m so sorry to hear this. It must be dreadfully upsetting for you. Sometimes no matter how hard you try and no matter how you’ve done your best, things just don’t work out. It might be better to tell the DWP you no longer want to be his appointee and let him manage his own claim, or one of his birth family can do it. Please look after yourself, because you don’t want him bringing more trouble to your door. Sometimes you need to use tough love.

Ikonik

When police called me about the theft. They questioned why I can see his bank account ..I explained I am his appointee for Universal credit and PIP but I don't want all this stress anymore. I explained that the Universal credit goes to his account and I need access for paying his phone bill and other things or he won't pay them

Holly_Alumni

Hi @Ikonik I'm really sorry to read this - i can't imagine how difficult this all must be for you. @losingfaith has given some great advice there. I'm sure his auntie or someone else would be able to do that. I hope you're doing ok.

Ikonik

She can't be trusted. She sells cannabis

losingfaith

It’s difficult when young people fall into bad company. His birth family obviously hold different values than yours but since they are in contact with your son it might be better to relinquish financial ties and let them deal with it all. You can’t control everything and alas are powerless in regards to how they choose to live their lives. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they realise they’ve taken the wrong road. However when people get involved with substance abuse it invariably drags everyone around them into the problem. I know you must feel it’s all been for nothing but you did your best. Now might be time to let go. We all have to live with the consequences of our own choices good or bad. You aren’t the first person to adopt a child with the intention of giving them a better life only to find as soon as they become an adult they rejoin the birth family that Social Services deemed were unsuitable to raise them. Perhaps when your son comes to court, if convicted, his Probation officer could advise you.