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Small goals big happiness, then crushed

wobblyone

I’m not sure where to post this so decided to post it here.

I have restricted mobility due to a condition that causes me a lot of pain.

I decided to set some small fitness goals at the beginning of summer because I don’t have many opportunities to excercise or get out and about.

This week I realised I completed my list. Things like getting to a local leisure centre, morning stretches, meeting a friend to get to the gym etc. mostly small steps but each time I ticked something off my list I felt good and told my close friends who seemed to share my happiness. I also celebrate their successes even though they might not be as small.

However in the grand scheme of things I sometimes get reminded that for many people these things are expected and not achievements or goals and would be considered failures or not worth achieving.

Today I came into contact with some public services as they contacted me and I also had an appointment. It nearly always leaves me feeling crushed and deflated. I don’t really understand why some services that focus on care and support seem to be the opposite.

I’d like to celebrate the things I can do. I’m realistic about my limitations but I realise I hardly see my friends and have more interaction with services where I am left feeling crushed because of the things I cannot do or have difficulty.

Does anyone experience this? It makes me feel worthless.

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Comments

Channi

Think of it as a win if you wake up everyday and are able to do something productive as many people don’t have the privilege maybe we have disabilities but we can only do what we can to survive and that is a great achievement

wobblyone

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1068739#Comment_1068739

I suppose you have a point. I was just loosing perspective. Thanks for reminding me. 😊

theme79

Yes, I am totally with you ! It’s annoying, frustrating and depressing- and to be honest totally unacceptable. We are required to focus on the negative IN ORDER to jump through hops and gatekeepers whose aim is not to enable but find ways to abandon.

We have to create 2 brains - one to deal with the system and the ‘care’ (GOD I HATE THAT TERM) system and another to manage our real lives with some - albeit often very limited autonomy and joy.

I’ve lived this for over nearly 70 years now and I think it has gotten worse in the last 10 years - but it’s always been a problem- it’s a kind of institutional disablism.

There’s a place for positive thinking and making the most of each day - BUT I don’t want people telling me that is the face of the negative and dehumanising system that assesses us and delivers so called care.

66Mustang

I get the same thoughts myself when I work hard to achieve something that for most people isn't an achievement. To balance it out, it helps me to know there are mirror opposite scenarios… in other words, things that aren't an achievement for me but most people would consider as an impressive feat

Try to think of things you do that you may well pay no mind to because they're basic for you. Go through them and ask yourself whether others would be able to do them all so effortlessly? It's likely that you don't notice these things easily, because of the very nature of them being second nature to you.

Sometimes, and there's a bit of poetic fairness to this, they're even as a result of your conditions.

A lot of really stupid things like a stranger making an unfriendly face at me can send me into a nervous wreck, but my desensitisation also has benefits. I'm helping to deal with some grotesque and morbid affairs in the family that I've witnessed several very confident and traditionally successful people reduced to tears or even simply refusing to take part. People are extremely grateful for my level head and logical input, apparently I keep it all together…but I don't see what the big deal is!! I'd much rather someone told me I'd done well for speaking to a shopkeeper on my own 😆

It's all superficial though. Just consider that achievements are relative to and defined by the person doing them! Comparison with others is one of the 12 or so fundamental unhelpful thinking styles, albeit something we all do. Ultimately, if you worked hard for something and overcame obstacles to get there, it was an achievement

MCMikey

Yes, I agree with of what's been said. The achievements even minor ones are yours. After dragging myself out of bed (literally) it takes me hours to lose some of my pain, at which point I can then on a good day tackle some minor tasks/goals. What takes me a month to do in the garden bit by bit in very small chunks and having sometines to take several days off (when pain so often flattens me), a proper gardener could do in one afternoon. But, I've done something, tick.