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Advice on a difficult situation please

Jane315STARX

As some of you might know my son is neurodivergent and has been suicidal.Partly because of extreme bullying and also because of an attachment he formed with a girl a saw as his 'girlfriend" whom he's still utterly obsessed with even though he has no contact with.Anyway today I've checked through his phone to discover that he's had text messages with another person who has told him they are now in a relationship with this same girl.I cannot imagine what on earth is going on in his mind now but I know he is not going to cope as it was bad enough before.He seemed even more distant this morning on going to school.But I cant tell him I've been through his phone as he will feel I've broken his trust.When ever I've told the GP in the past about his suicidal thoughts and ideas they say its nothing to worry about.But im worried sick.Has anyone got any suggestions?.

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Comments

Kiki23

Good morning Jane…I dont have much advice to give you regarding your question but I just wanted to swiftly pass by on here to say I think you are such an amazing supportive mother in wanting to help your son through his struggles and can only imagine what a huge burden you must be carrying with keeping things all to yourself. I can see you love and care for him dearly and are so worried about him and pray your family receives all the help and support you deserve. Sending you so much love and light Jane

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSWTZllisl0

Rosie_Scope

That's a really tough one @Jane315STARX. I'm sorry to hear that the GP isn't taking you seriously, it must be so worrying. Is your son still on the waiting list for therapy or any CAMHS involvement? I know they're not always able to offer much and it can be difficult to get any support.

Does he talk to you if you ask him questions or is he quite closed off with how he's feeling? Maybe you could have a gentle conversation to check in with him and see if there's anything he wants to share with you.

Jane315STARX

Thank you both for replying.When Ibask him how he is he just days "fine".Or if I say "you don't seem yourself,if there's anything on your mind im here,if you can't talk then write it down and I can read it if that feels easier for you.He just shuts down.But thank you both X.

Jane315STARX

He has an appointment this week with Cahms as a follow up to his Autism diagnosis ( it actually got cancelled last week).I'm hoping it doesn't this week and hoping they sort therapy out too because the Dr made a point of saying he wanted my son to go on his own this time.The receptionist said the appointment was just for feedback?.I really don't know.At this point and many years in the system im almost done with everything.I know I've been through a lot in my life but this will be the thing that breaks me

Jane315STARX

@Kiki23 Thank you for the song Xx

Jane315STARX

My sons head of year just called and said he is extremely concerned because he told them he wants to kill himself..They have been contacting CAMHS all morning.I feel utterly sick.I have phoned them myself and I just don't know what to do

Rosie_Scope

Oh @Jane315STARX, I'm so sorry. It's horrible he's feeling so low. Have the school managed to get in contact with CAMHS?

YoungMinds have a parents helpline if you need some support and advice: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/

Jane315STARX

Yes they have been in communication throughout the day apparently and have emailed me to say that the Dr he is seeing Tommorrow knows about the situation.Not sure how this will help as he obviously needs therapy A.s.ap.he has told the school he has a sharp thing he's been harming himself with.But I haven't seen any marks anywhere

Rosie_Scope

I hope they'll start taking him seriously @Jane315STARX, it does sound like he'd benefit from some therapy. I've popped you an email with some more links just in case they're helpful to you. There are some strategies online for people who are struggling with harming themselves so if he's open to it, it may be worth trying those out.

Look after yourself too. It's not easy caring for someone you love when they're in crisis but its clear that you're doing everything you can to help him 💜

Jane315STARX

Thank you.I know I've got to cope with this but I've no idea how when im falling apart.But moment by moment

Jane315STARX

So I had a long chat with my sin when he came home and its all very complicated and tied very much into his adh and autism really.We will see the Dr together Tommorrow and hopefully I will get a chance to speak and it wont just be an appointment for him.What im now panicking about is that the trust that is dealing with the school are also part of the same trust who are dealing with my specialist therapy.They probably have access to all my mental health history and after goggling everything.now that this is seen as a safeguarding issue may know more about me than I want them to know.I feel totally exposed and in a position I don't want to be.

Andi66

Is he on any medication?, I went through similar situations with my daughter when she was a teenager. Cahms wasn't a great help, after a while they kept changing her Dr , She was referred to a smaller school for students struggling with mainstream school, this helped her a lot, I hope you and your son get the help you need.

Jane315STARX

Sorry to hear about your daughter.Hope she is ok now.No he is not on any medication ( he has been offered it for Adhd but won't take it).I think he has a lot of things bottled up and the extreme bullying he has endured for years has only added to it.

Jane315STARX

Thank you very much X ots later this afternoon

Rosie_Scope

Best of luck today @Jane315STARX 💜 keep us posted if you're feeling up to it.

Jane315STARX

I will because im sure there must be someone going through something similar and perhaps it may help

Jane315STARX

So we went to the appointment and I was asked to wait in reception.After my son and the Dr came out I assumed the Dr would speak to me because of the circumstances but he just said he would see my son in 2 weeks and email me the report about his Autism diagnosis.I said what about therapy and what happened yesterday?.He simply said "don't worry I will be in communication with the school if there are any concerns ".I am not quite sure what to think.

Nightcity

That's very different to when I had my diagnosis in 2016 my mum took part in the appointment,this could partly be down to the fact I do not communicate face to face or via phone with strangers ever as ot results in meltdowns and unpredictable outcomes although I "try" talk out into the room rather than directly in extreme circumstances. she diagnosed me as bordering between level 2 and 3 needing significant daily support.

she told me there and then before I left.

I know I am an adult but I should think even more so a parent should be involved in a childs diagnosis appointments.

I know how hard it is for both the autistic person and their parent, it's very tough and those with no experience aka the general public haven't a clue, the GP told me just two weeks ago unfortunately suicidal ideation and severe autism go hand in hand after my latest desperate attempt. The mistake people make is they always said to me "don't be dramatic or you wouldn't" that's very untrue with autistic people ad they don't bluff if they give the warning they mean it. The GP is a fool.

the world isn't built for us sadly, you're a brilliant parent as I said to you a year or so ago, it's clear you're doing a sterling job and care immensely about your son. I am not going to lie, I don't want you scared or upset any further but unfortunately this will likely be an ongoing issue for years in waves, bullying well I've experienced that all my life so get that too, I wish I could do something constructive to help you both but Believe me I care a lot and will help in anyway I can.

Rachel_Scope

@Jane315STARX I'm sorry the Dr hasn't been helpful. Could you see a different Dr? I've found that some are better than others when dealing with mental health. Has he got an appointment with CAMHs this week? I hope they get something put in place for him. Are you getting any support for yourself? This is all must be so distressing.

Jane315STARX

Thank you both.The appointment yesterday was with the lead from CAMHS.What is concerning is my son didnt want to get out of bed this morning and go to school.At this meeting yesterday when he came out he had his usual smile so obviously appeared to seem 'fine" when obviously he clearly isn't as the school alerted them to his intentions and I know his mood now.But they can't really do anything so I do think there will be a negative outcome despite my alerting everyone.I am also wondering if this bullying is continuing as ive seen a very odd message on his phone.He told me that it isn't but he denied he was being bullied before when it was absolutely horrific.Should I take him out of school? Even though its online? I just don't know.