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antman2025

I'm feeling so alone. I've had such a hard few years I feel like I've isolated myself and am now too frightened to be around anyone. My CPTSD makes me feel so different from everyone. I can never feel close to anyone as I can't share my experiences. Being open about them has always been a mistake. I see people around me happy and enjoying life. Seemingly finding it easy and I don't think I'll ever have that. Even when people are nice to me it makes me feel uncomfortable as I think if they knew the real me they'd hate me and I can't believe anyone would actually think anything good about me. I only have superficial friends as I can't get close to people and the friends I have seem to be drifting away and not really bothering with me anymore. I wish I knew how to have normal relationships with people where I can be myself and not get hurt and where to find people who understand CPTSD.

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Rosie_Scope

Hi @antman2025, welcome to the community. I'm really sorry you're feeling alone at the moment. I can definitely relate to finding it hard to feel close with people when your experiences of life have been so different. I've had my struggles with trauma too and I've found it can almost make you feel a bit like an alien when you're amongst other people. It's so difficult not to isolate yourself when social interactions are hard.

Do you get any help with your mental health at all? I know the NHS isn't always the best at supporting people sometimes, but some people find therapy helps if you're able to access it.

I hope the community can be a place you feel more connected to others who understand what it's like. I think we have a few members with CPTSD or similar conditions, so I hope they'll say hello too.

66Mustang

@antman2025

Nice to meet you ☺️

I have CPTSD too. It's so exhausting isn't it?? Often, people being nice is so alien that in a perversely, twisted way it's more comfortable when people are horrible – it's not pleasant, but it's familiar. With (C)PTSD our instinct is often to seek familiarity, even if it's far from ideal… "unfamiliarity = risk"… awkwardly, that's self-perpetuating because each time we repeat stuff our survival brain tells us "see, it's kept you alive again, that's proof it's the right thing to do"

I don't know if you're the same, I'm fine with total strangers (perhaps as there's nothing to lose?) and also fine with close friends … but anyone in the middle, after any positive interaction–however small–is a MASSIVE pressure… even to the point like when driving: if someone lets me out of a junction, now I owe them something. I need to drive PERFECTLY because I can't inconvenience them. Sometimes the pressure gets so bad I'll turn off just to lose them, as I'd rather end the very brief "relationship" on a good note rather than risk annoying them and souring the interaction

When you say you're worried that people will hate the "real you", do you mean your CPTSD behaviours (like hypervigilance or whatever) or your past experiences? It's common with CPTSD to want to explain ourselves but something that helped me a lot was to realise that you don't owe anyone an explanation … you deserve equal empathy to anyone else, you don't have to ask for it or justify why you deserve it - anyone who acts as if that's untrue is in the wrong, not you – and if you want to open up that's entirely optional

Jane315STARX

@antman2025 sorry to hear you are feeling alone.Hopefully talking it out on here will go some way in helping you feel part of a group.Although not in the physical but still in a big way.I sometimes think that there is no 'normal' left anymore This is actually a good thing really because individuality is to be celebrated with all our quirks which makes us learn as we age.I think we observe others and seem to think their lives appear great or somewhat so much better than ours.When in reality everyone is going through issues at different stages of their lives.Sometimes we can drift away from friends because things happen in each of our lives that dont align I.e interests etc or mindset.It doesn't mean that friendship needs to end necessarily but that it can alter to what each person needs,wants etc.I wouldn't place too much pressure on yourself or feel you need to do anything If you want to meet or try new things ( this is great).But dont be afraid to not to like something,and never see anything as a failure Because its brave to even have the 'thought'.Communication is key to human life ( I think anyway).It doesn't always have to be in person and this forum is a great way to voice how you are and connect.You are not alone X

antman2025

Thank you for kind words made me feel heard and wanted thank you

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