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Cinderella – resilient or too good to be true?

SmellyBin

I am wondering about the story of Cinderella with her toxic family members treating her like a slave and yet she is upbeat. I remember from the Disney version that she sings along while mopping the floor.

Is this resilience, to be hopeful despite all the things thrown at her?

For me it feels like the story (and this society generally) is putting pressure on me to still be happy as I can be, to live my best life, for my days to be instagrammable despite being housebound, horizontally most of the day, and sometimes still wondering how I ended up in this nightmare. The suggestion to sugarcoat it only adds to that despair on difficult days.

What do you think?

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Comments

bookrabbit

I lived like that for years but I certainly didn't smile very much!!

Finally my family threw me out entirely.

I think I was very resilient to survive it.

I am very lonely now but I am still resilient even though I am stuck in bed most of the time as I can't walk anymore and there's no downstairs toilet here so I can't sit in the living room.

I used to do all the cooking and cleaning for them while I could still move but they didn't value me at all.

Kimi87

Me too, I was used & abused domestically before I broke the cycle and moved out. I had by that point stopped cooking for them due to lack of reciprocation, but still had to clean to ensure a hygienic living environment for myself.

What's happened to the person concerned since I left is another story, but after breaking my health several times since I I now try as hard as possible not to get involved, even as said relative tries repeatedly to use me as the default option.

Even though they know I'm not well enough to act as a carer especially as I don't drive. Keeps offering me taxi money like money is the problem.

My lack of energy & physical ability is the problem, taxis still have to be waited around for etc.

I'll need a carer myself before much longer if I allow myself to be used beyond my limits (again).

OverlyAnxious

I get annoyed by a lot of plot lines and story lines in films and TV.

So often a character is in a difficult situation and then just 'miraculously' gets lifted out of it, often just as they're losing all hope something comes along, and then they live happily ever after!

That certainly hasn't been my experience. Things just get worse and worse. My world becomes smaller and smaller. I can't get out to find new places or friends. Relatives are still pushing the same agenda as 5/10/15 years ago. Even though I've learnt more about my own conditions and limitations and repeatedly tried to explain that to them. The rest of society still seems to operate on a 'fit in or f*** off' approach as well. As I can't fit in, that only leaves me one option…

I do appreciate that films and TV have to clear up a story line within a fairly short timescale, while the character is still being employed and before the end of the film/series. But I can't say it makes me feel any more hopeful watching them.

Littlefatfriend

That's an interesting set of questions thanks Smellybin!
For about six years I've been unable to sit up for more than three hours a day. Sometimes considerably less.
That's led me to identify and focus on each opportunity I have and to be grateful for everything I can make available to myself. I find the world to be full of fascinating subjects and objects both, many of which can be explored in huge detail for free these days. Technology has very dramatically improved my life.
If I was compared to Cinderella, my fairy godmother would have been the internet in 1991. Computers were my footmen, learning resources my carriage. The websites then adverts and lessons/advocacy etc I created were my glass slippers.
I've met and known well all sorts of incredibly resourceful people. We're often much stronger than we look (or believe ourselves to be).
I'd describe Cinderella's resilience as self-confidence, belief in oneself regardless of what is thrown at us. In my opinion we're worth it.
My education taught me in great detail how and why retaining a positive attitude, looking for what can be, and remaining as happy as we can, are so good for us. Physically, emotionally, personally.
Our lives these days are so unique that what works for one may not for the other, but almost always things can improve. To misquote the appalling song "Even if it's only in small ways, things can generally get better. And that can build upon itself".
When times are hard I remember when they were good and aim for that.
Otherwise however I have always struggled with the veracity of Cinderella as such.
My godmother is lovely, but fairies aren't real in my experience. Not at all.
The prevalence of potholes these days would make a carriage a bumpy nightmare, and they aren't very fast. It isn't clear if it's adequately heated, and I live in the north-east. Maintenance of a carriage would be demanding, I'd have to find somewhere to stable the horses and a carriage would be easy to steal, etc etc.…
I wouldn't suit a gown, it would likely catch in my wheels and I don't really have the bust or waist for them.
I only have one foot so I'd likely notice if I lost a shoe, and a glass slipper would be very impractical in the long run. People would be distracted when they noticed my missing big toe. Also, imagine the time one would have to spend cleaning them!
I'm not a monarchist and I wouldn't want the burden of a prince. Our cultures would certainly clash. And imagine the media attention, no privacy, photographers everywhere, bleugh.
Mice, dogs and horses can't talk. Their mouths would be impractical for forming syllables, they'd struggle to effectively control their breathing.
Humans use vocalized words, but mice rely on chemical signals (pheromones) and ultrasonic vocalizations (USVs) that are outside our hearing range (above 20 kHz). Mice also lack the complex brain areas (like Broca's area) crucial for human speech production. Their capacity for empathy is sorely limited. Their vocal tracts are not designed for the precise sounds of human speech.
And birds have beaks, making articulate speech impossible.
Pardon me, I didn't intend this to become a novella when I started!
But summing up, I'm yet to be convinced that Cinderella (in any of her incarnations) is a genuinely true story. I concede I tend towards skepticism as a life choice.
But doing all I can to retain and create a positive mental attitude is what most makes me strong and as able as I may be. That works for me and most of the people I know. The others are generally unhappy. I choose not to be.
I don't care what society expects of me, that's their problem.
Good luck
🤞

SmellyBin

That is awesome, @Littlefatfriend , especially when you say ‘The others are generally unhappy. I choose not to be. I don't care what society expects of me, that's their problem.’
It makes me realise I should look for and bow to my own badassery, as I know I’ve got that in me, but I’ve got a long way to go to get to what you’re describing. I am very much affected by people’s exclusion, as @OverlyAnxious calls it ‘to fit in or to eff off.’ Exactly that.

So with both of that in mind, I can perhaps allow myself to cherish who I am (being good enough, there is nothing wrong with me – despite still struggling) and on the other hand also acknowledge (which I see as a healthy way of dealing with) my pain for not being the Polyanna similar to Cinderella as my life is far from a fairy tale. Yet here I am, giving myself space to feel all of this… that is quite alright, don’t you think? Bearing in mind our circumstances.

That said, I do think society has a responsibility not to behave as an evil stepmother or as ignorant stepsisters, simply because us being ill or disabled makes them feel uncomfortable. A lot of people somehow are driven by fear in the way they treat us and this is appalling and damaging. We are not less because we don’t fit in.

Littlefatfriend

Cheers SmellyBin
It's worked well for me for a very long time.
In my opinion exclusion is a frame of mind, and ultimately we are the only people capable of experiencing and changing that. It can be controlled. Just don't feel that way.
That may appear oversimplified, but genuinely it isn't. Always there'll be people who'll judge us, condemn us, whatever. That's true for literally everyone.
However, what other people think can only affect me if I allow it to. So I don't.
Cherishing who we are is vital to me and good for each of us. Unfortunately life isn't often a bed of roses (and that sounds uncomfortable!) but if it was always good we'd take it for granted. That's human nature (and as far as we know intelligent life) for you.
Feelings can be wonderful things and I firmly believe that the more we can understand and tolerate ourselves, the better we will always be.
Fear is fascinating subject, one of the most interesting and well understood in psychology. From that perspective, human experience consists of our being motivated by fear, or every motivation which isn't fear. That's primarily because fear can control our bodies in very powerful ways which hugely affect both our behaviour and perceptions. Only anger has similar potential to motivate us, and anger is generally a product of fear. Coincidentally I lost my capacity to directly experience fear as a result of my spinal injury. Fear is driven by adrenaline, and the gland in my body which produces adrenaline isn't connected to my brain. I'm certainly not advertising my disability, that too comes with other complications! I encourage you to ignore anyone who puts you down.
I remind you of the endless compendium of misfits who've changed the world. I certainly wouldn't want to be the same as everyone else.
If anyone suggests I don't "fit in", I either find a larger size or it's them judging me. I'll never care what they think. It's irrelevant and of no consequence unless I allow it to be.
Have fun, it's Friday!
I'm getting up...
😺