Perceptions and experiences

We want to hear from you: please tell us about your experience of the online community.

Darking

Living with a disability has changed the way I see the world and, in many ways, the way I see people. Through my own experiences, I’ve come to realise that some of the hardest moments aren’t always about the physical challenges I face, but about how I’m treated, how people perceive me, and the assumptions they sometimes make without really knowing me.

I don’t expect special treatment, sympathy or pity. I simply hope for the same kindness and consideration that anyone would want for themselves. Using a mobility aid or needing help with certain things doesn’t define who I am. It doesn’t take away my ability to think for myself, make my own decisions or contribute something worthwhile.I understand that not everyone knows what it’s like to live with a disability, and I wouldn’t expect them to. All I ask is that people take a moment to listen, show a little understanding and avoid making assumptions.

A kind word, a little patience or a willingness to see things from someone else’s perspective can mean far more than people realise.I believe most people have good intentions, and perhaps we could all do a little more to see the person rather than the disability.

I don’t ask for pity. I simply ask to be understood, accepted and treated with dignity.

After all, we all deserve to feel valued and included, whatever challenges life brings our way. 

Littlefatfriend

Hi Darking

Studying psychology profoundly affected the way I see animals, and in many ways people. I can't know how I would see those things had I not become a wheelchair user, that was 36 years ago (I'm now 53) and almost everything about my life, the world, and other people has developed since then.

I'm not unaffected by my communication with other people, but I'm very careful whose opinion I care about. Only the opinions of people I'm fond of are of any consequence to me. Other people are welcome to think what they like about me, I can't control that and you likely know what some people say about assumption (it puts an ass before u and I).

The experiences of friends (and some we've shared) has taught me how frequently "special treatment" is a negative thing, regardless of what is considered special. I don't want that. Other people don't necessarily know how truly wonderful, deeply intelligent and genuinely lovely I am. But that's not their fault and I therefore shouldn't blame them for it. Only I can define myself. Other people can never know me as well as I do. I may only presume they aren't intelligent enough for that. It's not their fault. I pity them.

The differences between people are usually irrelevant and are also a root of all manner of prejudice and problems. What we share is usually far more common and important than some people think. As long as their behaviour is reasonable or understandable, I would always try to avoid making assumptions about what other people are thinking.

I believe some people have good intentions. Considering how cautious and fearful many people are, that's an literally incredible achievement in my opinion. Prejudice (or the instincts which result in that) are innate to people, it's only through social conditioning and education that we learn anything more than fear and anxiety. Positivity is often the least likely conclusion.

Happiness really is just a complete lack of sadness and stress, temporary as it often is.

I don’t want pity, that rarely helps in my experience. Together we are always strongest. I simply ask to be accepted and treated with dignity.

Generally I've found that "what we give is what we get" back, and that seems about right to me.

It's a wonderful world in many, many ways. No wonder there are sometimes flaws. Few of us are perfect, I'm told.

Good luck