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Teen with Down's Syndrome: increasing meltdowns, and violent towards me as her parent

Tomato58Tomato58 Member Posts: 6 Listener
edited August 2018 in Parents and carers
At my wit's end with my daughter's behaviour when out and about. Small things trigger it. She is in puberty and people say it's hormonal, but isn't that just an excuse? She's 17 and it's getting worse. Refuses to listen to me when I say no to something, then has a complete meltdown in the shop or street, lashing out at me. Almost like "terrible twos" but at 17. How do I handle this?


  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Member Posts: 5,856 Disability Gamechanger
    So sorry to hear this @Tomato58- I'm glad to see you've now managed to connect with @claire868, but fingers crossed our community will have some other suggestions too.
  • curiousmom1996curiousmom1996 Member - under moderation Posts: 35 Courageous

    Caring for a adult with any learning disabilities is not easy. Try reminding her she’s supposed to be a adult now. Does she go to a special needs school? If so I would talk to them. Her teacher should have some good tips and suggestions for you on how to deal with this. What’s her cognitive functioning like? Most people with Down Syndrome tend to be shockingly childish and often show socially inappropriate behaviour. 
  • Suzanne_HFAut54Suzanne_HFAut54 Member Posts: 14 Connected
    Hi there's a newish programme being rolled out nationally across the learning Disability website
    That's the British institute for LD. Clients with Autism and many other conditions can also benefit from Position Behaviour Support. The whole family can  participate at different point of an  analysis of existing behaviour to see what needs to be worked on. It's a very holistic approach. Follow the PBS heading on the website then all siblings to access useful videos. Your Adult Social Care team or health professionals in your NHS trust should be aware this programme exists. It's a from the University of Kent, Tizzard institute. 
    It will undoubtedly help you enormously under the Care Act you have the right to ask for access to this.

    Good luck.
  • Tomato58Tomato58 Member Posts: 6 Listener
    Thank you, I will look into this.
  • fishingmumfishingmum Member Posts: 562 Pioneering
    @Tomato58 I used bribery, my son is 12 going on 13 and is autistic. he is much younger mentally than his peers and I have to find ways that work. I normally get him a little something he gets for good behaviour, it took a little time to work, but it did. Some might say I have given in, but it works for us.

    If your daughter is going through terrible two's just now and is becoming hard to handle outside, find what is triggering it and avoid if possible or put in place something she can use as a go to coping point, maybe a special bracelet she can rub if things are getting too much so you know when to move away from that situation, or a phrase, that shows you are there for her and things will be fine.

    You know your daughter best, what would calm her down if you were at home? What could you say that would ease her at that point? When I see certain behaviours e.g. pacing starting or hand clenching I know he is struggling and at this point I will offer him a chance to leave the situation, once out he tends to calm down and I don't need to bribe him, but if I am stuck in a situation I can not get out of I know what I have to do is different. Find a way that works for you, and do not worry if others disagree, it is your daughters and your own safety and emotional well being that is more important.
    life is too short to let others make you miserable.
  • Tomato58Tomato58 Member Posts: 6 Listener
    Thank you fishingmum, I'm now connecting her behaviour possibly to pms (people did say that to me but I thought what a cop out!), and I've kept a diary, which indeed appears to be a week or so before her period when this all kicks off. I've read that maybe hormone treatment, perhaps patches might help, so I will take her to GP and see what they say. I too use bribery which does work, except at that time of the month! So it could be some extreme form of pms. We shall see....
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,662 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Tomato58, it is great that you have kept a diary and noticed a pattern. I hope you can manage things a bit easier now. Please keep us updated!
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  • Tomato58Tomato58 Member Posts: 6 Listener
    Thank you so much, will do!😊
  • fishingmumfishingmum Member Posts: 562 Pioneering
    @Tomato58 of course, I have boys so tend to forget about that. Of course she will have hormones going daft just now. Is there anything she likes by way of smells, I mean maybe have a soothing smell will you, maybe lavender or something that could be calming, also you can buy little hand warmers which you could make a pouch for, maybe stomach or back as well as the heat could help sooth any pains. If you have kept a diary then it should help the doctor with ideas of what to give or do next.  have you been onto they have a good section, or they did years ago where you could get free samples and a place for questions, they might be able to offer advice.
    good luck.
    life is too short to let others make you miserable.
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