nav[aria-label="Primary Navigation"] { padding: 0; & ul { list-style: none; width: 100%; display: flex; flex-direction: row; justify-content: start; align-items: start; gap: 30px; padding: 0; & li { margin: 0; } & ul li { list-style: none; } } }

We want to hear from you: please tell us about your experience of the online community.

Body integrity dysphoria

JustPete

Advise needed

I met somebody some years ago - online. We developed a 'virtual friendship'. It soon became apparent that he had BID (in my opinion). He wanted to know how he could become disabled both physically and mentally. He has classic symptoms of BID with the exception his desires are truly not sexually perpetuated. He has got worse over the years. He is young (25-30rs), a professional, and a loner.

I have tried to get him to seek professional help (gp's through to specialists). I have tried to get him to meet with me. He won't.

I go through periods of chatting to him alot, trying (unsuccessfully) to stay off the topic of his desire to be disabled, through quite periods where I distance myself.

I am out of ideas on how I can help him. However, I feel some obligation to him as he says he talks to nobody else about this, lives in one room, has no 'friends', and just travels to-and-from work.

Suggestions welcome.

Find more posts tagged with

Comments

chiarieds

Hi @JustPete - with apologies in advance, as I've only just looked into this. There's this very recently published study, which obviously needs to be peer reviewed, which you may find of interest. It suggests, & apologies if the phrase they use appears insensitive in any way, that 'coming out' about BID, whilst it may not change how a person feels, may lessen a comorbidity such as depression. Those with BID's fears as to social rejection didn't in fact materialise. Please see:

https://academicjournals.org/journal/IJPC/article-full-text-pdf/B8D4DF467776

This is just my opinion.....I wonder whether inviting your online friend to discuss why he wants to become physically disabled (tho admit I don't understand the mentally disabled bit as that doesn't seem to fit in with BID) may prove helpful to him, rather than suggesting he seeks medical help. It perhaps then would become a safe space where he could discuss this on occasion.

As for getting medical help, as far as I can see, that may be a while in coming, as scientists seem to be just understanding more, again fairly recently. Please see:

https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/07/health/body-integrity-dysphoria-wellness/index.html

Here's the abstract by the authors mentioned in the above article:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32386532/

Sorry if you've likely come across the above info before. It's of course different, but I have learnt about gender dysphoria in the last 18 months, as my eldest granddaughter is now my grandson. He is now that bit more confident, & definitely happier. He's legally changed his name, & is just considering his options for now, but that won't be surgery (just as well as he has been known to pass out at the sight of a needle!) I think being able to talk to us all about how he feels has helped him, so this also comes to mind regarding your online friend.

JustPete

@chiarieds thank you so much for referencing the articles. They were a fascinating read. It would seem that diagnosis may be more forthcoming than treatment/help.

I will continue to offer him a safe place to come/meet/chat even though he declines and prefers to 'text chat' about things. I will not mention medical help again (although to be fair I don't do very often); you are quite right alluding that this might be reinforcing a stigma.

I will continue to be a friend.

As an aside, have you read/listened to the book "Once a Girl Always a Boy" - I really enjoyed it. The support needed from family is so very important. It is something I miss, and think it is a real shame that for all the support I had from my family as a disabled teenager and young adult, I did not receive any support when they discovered I was gay.

It is great your grandson was able to talk with you and be accepted. (I am chuckling that needles bare stopping consideration of surgery though

)

chiarieds

Thank you @JustPete - I've been looking at the reviews of that book, & think I'll buy it then pass it on to my daughter after reading it, & it may also be of interest to my grandson. His siblings have been great too, & totally accept who he is. I'm sorry you didn't have that support from your family; we all need support in being the person we want to be regardless.

My son & his wife don't intend having any children; when we first all met up as a family after my grandson had said who he wanted to be, my son said, 'Thank you, you've removed all the pressure on me in providing a grandson, like your Mum (his sister) always said I should!' Big smiles all around.

My grandson has an online transgender friend.... apparently all they talk about is art. Makes me think that just being there for someone is what matters above all.