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Sex positions as a wheelchair user.

_izzy13_

I am in my first proper relationship and I have been a lifelong wheelchair user. He was the person I lost my virginity to and everything felt very comfortable about our relationship and sex. Recently my boyfriend keeps making jokes about how we are unable to do certain positions he wants to try and in the past we’ve sort of laughed them off as a joke but they’ve become more upsetting to me as times gone on. I confronted him about it today and he was very apologetic and didn’t even realise that it was upsetting me and swore never to do it again. I just wonder how people get on with things like this because I feel like I compare myself to my able-bodied friends and their sex lives and it becomes very complicated and makes me feel sad and it makes me feel guilty as I feel I cannot please him. He also feels so guilty as he didn’t mean to hurt me.

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Comments

Rachel_Scope

Hi @_izzy13_ and welcome to the community. It sounds like your boyfriend really cares about you and felt guilty that he'd made you upset. I think it's always good to have open and honest communication. Have you spoken to him about you feeling guilty? He may not know you feel like this and he could put your mind at ease.

Lucy_Scope

Hi @_izzy13_ ,

Welcome to the community.

Here are some resources that may help:

Love Lounge is a charity that helps disabled people talk about sex, intimacy, and boundaries. You can book a free 45-minute 1-to-1 session with one of their experts.

Sue Newman may also be useful. She is a qualified sex and relationship therapist for disabled people.

There is also this post from 2017, which may be helpful:

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/36005/lets-talk-about-sex-and-disability

kalj

I can't say im an expert as my partner and I are still exploring whats possible but from what I have learn is:

communication is key if you can't talk openly about things like what you want to try then it makes it very difficult
have fun! Try not to be too serious about things because some things may go wrong aand if you can't laugh about it you may be put off trying again..
pillows! Be it normal or special ones designed for spicy fun times
imagination, think outside of the box and instead of thinking I can't do that try and think about is there anything that can help me do that?
communication and don't push past what you are comfortable with

I hope you find something helpful in my ramble.

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