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Suicidal teenager

Jane315STARX

I have just discovered that my son has been thinking of ending his life quite often.I took him to see the gp where he convinced them he is fine but I know he is not from his behavior.i phoned cmhs yesterday and they said they would call to speak with my son yesterday at 4.30pm.I told my son about this call but they never rang and now I just don't know what to do.I have also informed his school and nobody is getting back to me.I feel both physically and mentally ill myself and I'm not sure I have the strength to deal with this as nobody is actually responding

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Holly_Alumni

@Jane315STARX I'm so sorry to read what your son is going through and it also must be incredibly heartbreaking for you too and is bound to be having a huge physical and mental impact. Of course you'll know his behaviours and if he's hiding it. It's good that your aware of this, and supportive of him and what's he's going through. Having a parent who is understanding and patient is really important. Has he opened up to you in any detail about what's making him feel this way?

I can't put into words how disappointing it is that you didn't receive a call back yesterday. Have you heard anything more from them this morning? I'm going to pop you an email shortly - please keep an eye out for it.

itallmakessense

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/133650/suicidal-teenager

I'm sure this happened when I was a kid just over 10 years ago, erhmm, hope no one checks that, yet these days the pressures on kids seem to be getting out of hand, the more rules to say be who, what you want, the more issues we appear to end up with, as a teenager my biggest worry was no one would turn up on the boulevard with a decent football.. My heart goes out to you as again all our attempts to include, help promote interactions cause huge voids our kids seem to fall into.

Jane315STARX

Thankyou x.I knew he was depressed as he has cut off everything he liked in the past 8 weeks.2 days ago I checked his phone to see some truly shocking messages to himself.i cannot believe that the gp isn't taking all of this seriously.he has no friends at all and never goes out

OverlyAnxious

Hi,

I don't mean this to sound harsh but what are you hoping to get from the GP? Medication or therapy might help to take the edge off if he is really close to ending it, but ultimately I think most people need real world change to give their lives value.

Whenever I see MP's talking about physically stopping people from climbing onto bridges or tall buildings etc I always feel like they've completely missed the point. It should be about a change of lifestyle, not just forcing people to endure a life they hate!

Personally I have lived with suicidal ideation since the age of about 13. In my case I would never be able to do it (ironically because of the same health conditions that severely impact my quality of life!) but it's something I think about many times every day. I know it won't change unless my lifestyle can, and that can't happen unless I get the opportunity to move into a more accessible property, which seems extremely unlikely in our current society.

Jane315STARX

Yes your right he's probably better iff dead

Holly_Alumni

What works for one person, might not another. But reaching out for help in any form is absolutely the right thing to do. And there are options that your GP can offer as a starting point to begin the process of understanding, and taking steps to feel better. It's not a one rule fits all. But granted, on a larger scale, there are some major changes needed in society to help create a safer place for us all. 💛

WhatThe

Jane, this is obviously a crisis and a teen helpline or network might be the best help for him. I don't know of any but maybe another member does.

WhatThe

Albus_Alumni

Hey @Jane315STARX I'm so so sorry this is all happening, I understand how much it must be affecting you. I can recommend speaking to the lovely people at Young Minds, they have a parent helpline who can be super useful for you, if you've not already tried them of course.

Katrina65

call crisis team they have to call back

anisty

Hi @Jane315STARX I am so sorry you are in this incredibly stressful situation. I have been where you are with 3 of mine and this is what I have learned:

Teenagers are very impulsive. Often they don't want to die. They want to rid themselves of their inner turmoil and pain.

You must lock away any tablets, knives, ropes etc and lock doors at night, removing the key.

The fact that he has told you is excellent - that means he is reaching to you for help.

Unfortunately, as you are finding, CAMHS are buckling and not always that great when you get there.

Is your son autistic - or neurodivergent? If so, it's highly unlikely he is getting the support he needs at school and this could be at the root of everything.

Autistic young people worry intensively about life. The whole pressure schools apply about passing exams, going to uni, getting a career. It's too much. If your son expreeses anxieties about these aspects, please ensure he knows that study and uni are not the only avenues.

When my daughter took an overdose at 16, helping her make plans that did not involve going to uni transformed her outlook. She did well in her exams and all her pals stayed on at school but she left and went on to a 3 day a week non academic college course. Took the pressure right off. We paid for a private autism assessment and she is autistic and i think that helped us to know why she was struggling.

So - school and the upcoming pressures of adulthood can be overwhelming.

Try not to fall into the role of "the fixer" Be the listener. Don't be the judge. Be very mindful when your son is talking to you that you stay quiet and, if you must say something, things like "i hear you, i see, it's difficult, we are here for you"

Never dismiss feelings

Don't tell him he's doing great at school when he's told you he's failing. Don't tell him he's handsome when he says he's ugly (examples, obvs!)

Say " tell me more about that. Talk to me about when these feelings started"

Keep the suicide chat open - it is so hard to hear i know but asking directly "are you having thoughts of suicide?" will not increase the likelihood of him going through with plans.

Gps are reluctant to prescribe anti ds for under 18s. In fact, many should not be prescribed to children so, although your GP was less than helpful, he might have been right in not offering meds.

I think also breaking things down into smaller steps for your teen can help. Finding out what is overwhelming and writing it down can help.

With my daughter, she could not see the wood for the trees - she had "so much" school work and about 3 parties to go to in the week of her OD.

Once i wrote down for her each thing she needed to do, it didn't look as much. Cross off each thing when done. Once she got her autism diagnosis, she never went to another party!

And being with them. Sometimes just going and sitting with them in their rooms of an evening helps.

My son walked out in front of a lorry when he was 14 (he's almost 29 now and doing fine) After he came home from hospital, i read him so many books. I don't know whether or not he listened but it meant i was with him and not worrying what he was up to alone in his room.

Just to add, my son showed really erratic behaviour for a good year after his suicide attempt but was refused any medication due to his age. He came through his feelings without meds and has never taken any meds. He himself refused an autism assessment at 14 but I'd bet my bottom dollar he's autistic.

Far happier out of the school system.

All the very best to you and your son.

Holly_Alumni

@anisty thank you so much for sharing your insights on this. 💛

loz8509

I have just been through this with my 12 year old, phone the CAHMS crisis line an tell them what you've told us, what you have found what he has said etc, they will assess him asap then reports will be sent to your GP and school. Once I told school she had seen CAHMS crisis team they pulled their fingers out and we are having a meeting to discuss further appropriate support. My daughter is completely riddled in anxiety due to school, every Sunday night is awful at the dread she has going back in after the weekend off. But school and CAHMS should be supporting you both if he has contemplated suicide or is thinking about it, big hugs to you both 🤗

Jane315STARX

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner.someone from camhs rang and spoke to my son whilst I was in a different room.I don't actually know what was said or the result of their conversation as he doesn't tell me anything when I push him.But I've had a call from the school too to say they are concerned after a conversation they had with him today and will be speaking to him daily as he is displaying obsessive thoughts.This has made me feel slightly reassure d but confirmed that the gp got it totally wrong yesterday so it's all very confusing.thank you all for your messages and I'm sorry for not personally replying it's just extremely stressful on top of everything else

Jane315STARX

Thanks @Catherine21 the worrying thing is that he feels he cannot speak with me about any of this at all.But atleast he has someone at school.The worst part is knowing now what the issue is and there probably isnt going to beva resolution any time soon and is going to feel broken

Jane315STARX

Thank you BlueBell21 yes I did this and am so thankful that he has atleast some one he feels he can talk to

Holly_Alumni

That sounds like a positive step in the right direction @Jane315STARX. I hope you're doing ok. I'm sure everyone would agree there's no need to apologise and no pressure to reply, but it's good to hear from you and we're here if you need us 💛

Jane315STARX

Thank you so much for this.I have not heard of this before and it could definitely help so thank you x