Where do you draw the line between transparency and privacy in a relationship?

Winehost
Winehost Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
in Relationships

If your partner constantly checks your phone, social media, and messages, is that:

A. A sign they care about you.
B. A sign they don't trust you.

Let me hear your thoughts. πŸ‘‡πŸ”₯

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Comments

  • Mr_Shoes_Tied
    Mr_Shoes_Tied Community Member Posts: 142 Empowering

    A sign of their own insecurities and boundary issues. Possibly a sign of a controlling or abusive relationship.

  • Holly_Scope
    Holly_Scope Posts: 6,249 Online Community Team

    Hi @Winehost another interesting question here!

    Personally, I think constantly checking a partners phone/social media etc is a sign of distrust rather than care and I wouldn't like it. It would make me feel suffocated. I think to care is to allow someone their freedom, and to encourage them to be themselves and to trust them. ☺️

  • luvpink
    luvpink Community Member Posts: 5,140 Championing

    @Winehost

    Possibly its a sign of insecurity or narcissism.

  • SheffieldMan1976
    SheffieldMan1976 Posts: 2,891 Connected

    Yeah, remember the recent storyline with Todd and Theo on Corrie? Theo was bullying/controlling Todd, and now he's dead! It wasn't Todd who offed him, there's a myriad of suspects who all hated his guts.

  • vikingqueen
    vikingqueen Scope Member Posts: 2,057 Championing

    It's a sign to leave before the relationship turns to abusive.

  • anatoli17
    anatoli17 Community Member Posts: 4 Listener

    Hi @Winehost ,

    Well, it depends...

    How do you feel inside? I can't really give you an answer if I can't see how the person is acting, but I'm pretty certain this is creating some kind of discomfort for you, and that's where I think your focus should be.

    Most of the time, we tend to ignore the signs our instincts are giving us, but that's usually where our answers lie.

    Generally, if it's too much and it's really obvious the way your partner acts, there's usually a reason behind it. It sounds to me like there could definitely be some insecurity there. But if you genuinely feel that, apart from this, they're really good for you and you want to make it work, then in your place I would invest my time into having an open conversation about their past. You might find out why they're acting this way. It could be some kind of traumatic experience, and understanding that might give you a better idea of how to deal with it. It could also help reassure them that you genuinely wouldn't do something like that to hurt them.

    I think that's probably the best approach, at least based on my own experience and opinion.

    But if this isn't the only thing that's making you feel uneasy, then it's worth asking yourself a more general question...

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