My mother’s not interested in my son — Scope | Disability forum
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My mother’s not interested in my son

briancharles5612
briancharles5612 Community member Posts: 58 Connected
Interested to see if any other parents of disabled children have these problems.

I’m a single Dad and my boy who has autism lives with me full time. There’s just me, no other family or friends sadly. 

My mother just isn’t interested in my boy though. She doesn’t dislike him but just makes no effort. In 4 months she’s spent about two hours with him and she only lives a few miles away. She’ll come to visit me when my ex has him. 

He’s non-verbal and is the sweetest child you could ever meet. But on the rare occasions she does something with me and him she’s always watching to see what more neurotypical children are doing.

I can cope with my boy’s needs, but he needs a good strong network and there’s nothing in place, which breaks my heart

Comments

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 43,262 Disability Gamechanger
    That's a shame @briancharles5612 and your doing a grand job. Have you spoke to your mom about this? It may be worth having a get together and telling your mom how you feel. She may be feeling unsure of  what she can do or something. 
    As a grandparent myself who takes an active  interest in my grandkids life's, its upsetting to see that some don't.  They are missing out on alot. 

  • briancharles5612
    briancharles5612 Community member Posts: 58 Connected
    @Sandy_123 there’s no point sadly. Whenever I talk to her about him there’s no interest. 

    If I ever do anything with him I get the comment “make sure you’re getting something out of it too”.

    I’ve explained time and again how I enjoy doing things with my boy but it just falls on deaf ears sadly.

    she’s never been to a single event at his school etc. 

    not a horrible person, just a selfish one.
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 43,262 Disability Gamechanger
    Well that's a shame and it's her loss not your sons. Just keep doing the great job your doing.
    Are there any support groups in your area for parents? Or activity groups your son can attend where you can meet other parents. 
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,979 Disability Gamechanger
    Do you know why your mum is like this @briancharles5612 - for example, could it be that she is unclear about what to do/what not to do? Is it attitude or a lack of understanding? It does sound really difficult nevertheless.

    I can hear how this feels unfair - your boy has done nothing wrong and yet struggles to have time with your mum  :( Please don't hesitate to let us know if you wish to talk about this further or if there's anything else we can do to help  :)
    Community Volunteer Adviser with professional knowledge of education, special educational needs and disabilities and EHCP's. Pronouns: She/her. 

    Please note: if I use the online community outside of its hours of administration, I am doing so in a personal capacity only.
  • briancharles5612
    briancharles5612 Community member Posts: 58 Connected
    @L_Volunteer there’s a lot to it unfortunately. When I was with my ex wife my mother once said to her “everything is about autism so I just switch off”. Because I was explaining to my mother all my sons needs.

    I think there’s an element of her life being all about her since my father died a while ago.

    And the saddest is you can see she still wants my attention and not my sons. Deep down I think he’s seen as a rival for my attention which is very sad.
  • briancharles5612
    briancharles5612 Community member Posts: 58 Connected
    Sorry @Sandy_123 there are support groups where I am, but only if you drive. No one offers a lift or comes to see you sadly.
  • Hannah_Scope
    Hannah_Scope Posts: 6,983 Disability Gamechanger
    @briancharles5612 I'm so sorry that she has no interest in your son. But I would say then that's her loss. He sounds like such a lovely boy.

    I saw Sandy mentioned support groups. Have you thought about seeing if there are any online? I also recommended to another member about reaching out to see what their local library was up to. They sometimes have groups on for kids with autism and offer sensory sessions. If he likes that kind of thing :) 
    Hannah - She / Her

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

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