New to all of this .... all advice gratefully received.

MrsExpo

Hello ... I am fully able bodied, but I have joined as my husband has very limited mobility due to various health issues, back problems, cognitive problems and arthritis. He is able to get about in the house with the aid of a frame and his stick, but does not go out much, sadly. We have recently been granted a blue badge, which is helping, and we will shortly be taking delivery of a mobility scooter - the type which takes apart so we can put it in the car. I am hoping that the scooter will encourage him to go out more socially, and make essential outings, such as hospital visits, easier. 

But we are both very new to this - having to pre-think where we go because of having to take account of the fact that my husband is now on wheels. So, if any of you good folks can offer any hints and tips, sensible advice or other words of wisdom, I would be very grateful, as we make this transition in our lives and adjust to a new way of doing things. Thank you in advance. 

newborn

Welcome. The first advice I suggest is you and your husband set about ensuring YOU have all the help and all the leisure and pleasure possible, for your own happiness and health.

Join carers organisations. Have fun with your husband. Be his wife not just his carer. But also have fun yourself. Be you, not just a wife. 

Unpaid carers will tell you how easy it is to forget a couple has two people who both matter and both need consideration.

Despite his difficulties, it will really help your husband's wellbeing if whatever he can do, he does his share. 


There are specialist organisations for the different ailments. He can research. Each to his own, but you mention back problems and arthritis. But there are so many types of arthritis.  Some people dislike taking pain killers and find it worth trying moderating diet, generally trying to eat non processed and organic food, but often cutting out some types of food which are not friendly to them (unfortunately it is often your favourites, which you love, but which don't love you back!) The system of trying to devise an entirely personal 'avoid' list  is called FODMAPS (advised by NICE and pioneered by Kings hospital)



Back pain is often made worse by sitting, so it may be worth doing what he can while either standing and walking, or else while lying down on a sofa rather than sitting on a chair. 



The cogitive problems must be a real nuisance for both of you, but if possible, he can also read back issues of  Spinal Column, by Melanie Reid in TheTimes online. Annual subscriptions are not dear) She is interesting because for example she insists on doing the cooking,  and getting out and about on her own or with friends, though she is paralysed. She and Dave have a good marriage. The comments from readers are funny because they often criticise him for 'letting' her do things. But clearly she would not be Melanie if she 'let' him stop her!

 

MrsExpo

@newborn Thank you so much for your kind reply. Very good point about getting help and ensuring I get to enjoy my own leisure time etc. There is a very real sense of getting lost amongst all the various things I need to be on top of to make sure my husband is OK, and forgetting that I'm still here!! Thankfully, I have good friends around me who are very supportive, which is a plus. I also have two absorbing hobbies which keep me physically and mentally on the ball, and I take time to do those as often as I can. I do feel as though he's "given up' a bit and 

I'll look at the FODMAPS thing .... it's something I hadn't thought about before, so a new area to explore. 

Certainly, I need to encourage him to do everything he is capable of doing, but that's proving to be an uphill struggle at the moment. I'll keep at it. I do feel that he's "given up" a bit and is tending to just let me do everything, while he sits and does very little - not good either physically or mentally.

Since posting my initial post the new scooter has arrived and we're planning it's first outing later this afternoon if the weather holds. I'll get there ...... onwards and upwards.