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Mandatory reconsideration rejected rant

mangomungo

Trigger warning discussion of mental health, eating problems and suicidal thoughts

after being repeatedly traumatised by dealing with the DWP since November, sourcing medical information all the way back from when I was 14 when tried to end my life, writing a 9 page statement on how my mental health conditons effect me and having a complete mental breakdown in February because of it all, my mandatory reconsideration has been rejected yet again. They must not have read anything i took weeks writing in my statement. Nor the statement from my partner or any of the medical evidence I sent. They just read the pages full of lies and miscommunication the physio therapist wrote in the original report and went with that.
I am aware that in the next few years I’ll now also lose my LCWRA because of being rejected for pip and be forced to engage with the job centre. They have been putting pressure on my partner as the job centre recognised that I need help/care to live my life so they forced my hand into applying for PIP so he could be put down as a carer and told me I should get it. He does work but is limited in the times and earnings because of me needing help.

Obviously I didn’t get it and I’ve been left in such a state from all this with no real support either. Because of all this interaction with the job centre and DWP I genuinely thought it would be better off Trigger Warning if I just ended it all and was stood on multi story car parks in February thinking it’s better off for everyone including my family if I just jumped as then at least they’d be left alone for 6 months as well and would get bereavement payments. I shouldn’t have to think like this I should be able to source the help I need from the NHS and the social security system to enable me to get better not worse.

I found out that I am unexpectedly and not planned, pregnant and have had to cease all medications that help me so my anxiety has been honestly unmanageable. I’m not sleeping at night, waking up up to 10 times, I don’t have any energy left to have a shower or brush my teeth most days. I’ve never had friends or social interaction and have no life outside my house anyway. To say I’m struggling is an understatement. I have been suicidal basically my whole life and have attempted before and now because of this obviously I don’t even have an option of taking that way out either. I have previously suffered with eating problems and have decided the only way to deal with the pain I am in is when the baby’s here Trigger Warning I am going to stop eating completely because I have no other way of dealing with pain. I’m waiting for diagnosis for autism and adhd but have no help at all from medical professionals as the only thing they offer is cbt which just makes things worse.

Im sick of the way the DWP treats me and now I know they’re starting up reassessment for LCWRA and if that happens in the next few months before I’m able to go back on medication and use coping mechanisms I fear what will happen to me as I will not be able to cope.
I didn’t want to be born this way, nor did I want to be abused in every way imaginable in my adolescence and if I hadn’t been I would not have developed the problems I have. All I want is to live a normal life like other people my age, have a job, a normal family, not need help, have friends, go to the hairdresser but I’m not able to do any of this. And being forced into interaction with the DWP has left me with PTSD and it continues as now I’m going to have to go to tribunal whilst postpartum as I’m aware the waiting time can be years. the only thing that is helping me cling on is the thought of being able to gain control through an eating disorder but obviously I cannot do that yet either.

I wouldn’t wish this life on my worst enemy and for those in the MSM and social media who think this is an easy way out for people who just can’t be bothered working, it has left me with trauma. If I could take any other option and be normal I would but I can’t and for that I curse myself every day.

i apologise for the long post but I just feel completely distraught and have no other outlet.

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Comments

Daphers

Your a very brave person ❤️

mangomungo

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1017824#Comment_1017824

Thank you for your comment. Sorry to hear about your struggles aswell it really is difficult. Unfortunately I’ve reached out to my GP and IAPT so many times and I’ve never received anything that’s actually helped me. I’ve had therapists call me annoying, get annoyed with me when I told them CBT wasn’t working, told me the answer to mindfulness not working and making me worse is to do more mindfulness, I’ve completely lost hope.

Each time I reach out I am made to engage with group therapy first as that’s the procedure, then a mild course of cbt for 6 sessions and then referred on for ‘intensive cbt’ and by that point I’m usually suicidal and don’t have any more energy left to advocate myself. I advocated for myself under the mental health team years ago and due to my mental state deteriorating I was no longer to attend the group sessions so they discharged me with nothing and no help at all.

I have got worse since then to the point if I was literally dying I wouldn’t even feel able to call for an ambulance let alone a call to the GP or for a therapy service. But I do appreciate your suggestions anyway and it is very kind that you’ve taken time to reply to me.
I don’t feel able to talk to anyone about it in my real life either as I’m generally treated like a burden. I didn’t want to apply for pip in the first place but my hand was forced by the job centre. If I was awarded pip I would have been able to go private for a diagnosis and medication, and potentially private therapy aswell which I’ve had before which was the most helpful but it’s unaffordable. It would have taken the load off of me if I had scored 4 points too but now I know not only will I not get PIP, in a couple of years I will also be living in absolute poverty and being pressured by the job centre to engage in 35 hours a week job search after losing LCWRA, whilst having a young child. I will not cope and I don’t know what will happen to me.

I feel like most of my problems stem from being undiagnosed autistic and adhd and living in a world really not made for me, and the constant rhetoric from media and how demonised people like me are and now this I have to contend with. I know even if I go to tribunal I likely won’t get it and I’ll just be left traumatised with nothing. It’s so frustrating that they haven’t even used their own criteria to assess me and the assessor ‘explained’ how they make their decision and decided I need no support at all despite me stating the opposite.

I’m sorry for the long post and thank you for taking the time out to reply, I hope your pip review goes okay and you get the help you need from the nhs ❤️

mangomungo

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1017941#Comment_1017941

Thank you again - the support services for mental health are severely lacking. I first started struggling at 14 and reading back on my medical notes it makes me very depressed that I was asking for help even at that age and professionals literally did not care - rejected the referrals etc when I wasn’t even able to go to school. Then as an adult reaching out from age 18 to constant push back and I do wonder if I had received proper support and trauma counselling back then and a diagnosis and adaptations for autism and adhd I would have lived a much more functional life and wouldn’t have all the additional trauma from the DWP. Which makes it all the more frustrating when the current government are talking of taking away financial support - when people like us know there really is nothing to reach out to for help from the NHS.
it does give me hope though knowing that you retrained as a nurse and that’s really impressive.
One day if I ever get to a point where I can function on a day to day basis I would like to work with children - I think maybe in a school or even with children with disabilities. but in order to do that i need to be reliable and obviously can’t be taking weeks off every month with poor mental health and having meltdowns. I believe I need intensive help. I’m 26 so I know that I’ve got a long working life ahead of me, which is all the more silly on the DWPs part as without the financial means to pay for that support with PIP, I’m left in limbo not able to work or function and the process of it all just adding all the more trauma on top.
people here are very kind and understand and it is a life line because otherwise I would be very alone - hope you have a nice peaceful evening ❤️

Kiki23

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1018026#Comment_1018026

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/133066/mandatory-reconsideration-rejected-rant

Hello Mangomungo,

Im new on here and just happened to come by your post and just wanted to say what a beautiful way with words you have….I myself relate to alot of what you have shared, especially the part about some of your issues stemming from the autism/ADHD not being diagnosed. I hope you now find the strength to take the route for an appeal regarding your PIP.

Speaking from experience, I found that the judges at the appeal were alot more understanding and compassionate than the people at PIP regarding my condition and how it affects me and I went from standard rate of care to enhanced, and not scoring any points for mobility to getting enhanced rate so once again I encourage you to appeal…

I suffer from Tourettes syndrome, Clinical depression, Chronic Pain and recently my Drs are referring me for an autism diagnoses which would make so much sense to alot of my behaviour and thought process which when not dealt with leaves me in a very catatonic state and feeling very suicidal hence why I said I can empathise with what your feeling.

I hear you, I see you and I feel you dear heart… And who knows, Just maybe that precious baby in your womb will bring you good luck regarding your PIP appeal and healing to your life as you gain the strength to move forward with all of this xxx

Sorry if my message sounds all over the palce ( I struggle with writing whats in my head in to words)

Sending you lots of love x

mangomungo

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1019046#Comment_1019046

Thank you so much for your kind message and apologies for not replying until now as I haven’t had the spoons.
Thank you for sharing your experience I have heard generally positive things about tribunals, and I’m glad you had a positive experience.

I am hoping I’ll be able to find the strength to go through with it as it has been a long drawn out process going on now since October and when something is ‘outstanding and unfinished’ in my head I struggle to think about anything else. But I’m hoping this will be after the baby is born so I will be able to go back on medication that helps and also I may have received an assessment and support from the autism/adhd service too.
I have been wondering recently whether I have a tic disorder or potentially Tourette’s too as I’ve developed a lot of tics recently even though I’ve always had tics to varying degrees I never payed much attention to it but its definitely worse under stress. It seems to go hand in hand under the umbrella of neuro diversity, and I’m sorry that you suffer with chronic pain as well that must be very hard to deal with on top ❤️
but thank you very much again for your kind message I appreciate it very much and sending you all the best ❤️