Parents, carers and disabled parents
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Cafe Nero Coffee Cringe

Hello, I've just joined Netbuddy, thought I would tell you about today in Cafe Nero. My five year old daughter, Liora, has severe learning difficulties. She went over to a customer, somehow put her face in this lady's cappucino, didn't get burnt, did get chocolate all over her face, then smeared it on the lady's trousers. The lady wasn't happy ! I apologised. It may not have been obvious that my daughter is disabled. I could have said "she's disabled, get over it" or something polite to that effect. What would YOU do?


  • toasttoast Member Posts: 46 Listener
    Eeek! Like you, I would've apologised. Would also have said something about being disabled as well. Tis a bit different for me - my daughter is obviously disabled. Although we went out some weeks ago with her in a phil and teds pushchair (she's a wheelchair user and hates the sunlight. It was a bright day and I have a really good sun mesh cover for this buggy). I did get a comment about her being big for a buggy and betting she was dying to get out. I was quite breezy / lighthearted in reply but did say that we wouldn't get very far as she couldn't stand! I did pick up from the lady's comment something critical and judgey about a child being too big / old for a buggy and really thought it was a good thing for her to understand the need for it

    Generally, I always err on the side of saying something and being open about the disability. Sometimes I get a bit fed up with the questions it sometimes opens up - I don't like feeling that I have to always be explaining my child.. however I also believe that most people acting badly / insensitively do so out of ignorance rather than malice. So better to say something. But yeah - does depend on my mood!

  • HeatherHeather Member Posts: 171 Listener
    Hi. I'm afraid I have a wicked sense of humour and the image of Beverley's daughter would have made me curl up. My carers are similar. Whilst on a bus with my son who displays obvious flapping, running, rocking etc she told me a lady was tutting and eventually leaned over to my her and asked if the young lad was hers? She correctly said "No" The behaviour continued and the lady realised my son was with the carer. So she again asked "What's wrong with him" Her reply......."Oh I don't know, I think he's got a cold" Keeping it light does make you feel a bit smug sometimes!
  • MixxiMixxi Member Posts: 29
    Brilliant story - I feel your pain but I do hope you just wet yourself laughing when out of range - actually, don't wet yourself as that would probably make it worse :))
    It's mortifing I know but can't be helped. I do explain if my son does something a bit strange and I feel explaination is called for. People are afraid of what they don't understand so if take him out, allow him to "express himself" (within reasonable limits) then I can give people an insight into the condition and that's all well and good. Each time I answer questions there is a tiny bit more knowledge in the world and less ignorance. We are changing the world one chocolatey trouser leg at a time - hurray for us!
  • JimJamsJimJams Member Posts: 175 Listener
    I think in the type of situation you describe a polite apology and explain about your childs condition, you will know instantly if the person cares or not, if they are caring and accept the situation, you can rest easy, the other type are not so easy to get round, in this case try and just get yourself and your child out of there unharmed and as stress free as possible, do not let them get to you, some people are just mean, its very hard when people dont tolerate the wee mishaps and you do get the feeling you are unwelcome, its not fair, our kids deserve the same freedom as anyone else. there are a minority of people who still think we should not venture out with our kids, but tough we will continue and we do our best to keep things under control.
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