Parents, carers and disabled parents
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Disabled parents info

Hi all

I would like some advice as a disabled parent (double below knee amputee) hope someone can help

I struggle to do night duties with my amazing 10 month old daughter due to my disability. My legs hurt all the time, I work a full time job and get very exhausted.

My partner has been doing all the night duties since our daughter arrived but is also now back at work full time.

She is understandably exhausted and it sometimes comes to a head that I should be helping out at night.. I struggle at the best of times but am really worried that I won't be able to keep it up for long. I take sleeping tablets due to pain and We also live in a house now and I haven't had to do stairs for 10+ years. Any ideas how I can help more would be greatly appreciated.

Mike

Replies

  • Debbie_ScopeDebbie_Scope Member Posts: 947 Pioneering
    Hi Mike,

    Thanks for posting your question. I saw that you posted on our Facebook page too but thought I would answer your query here (mainly because the community automatically saves a draft of what you're writing), I hope that's OK.

    It's not easy when you're working full time and dealing with the sleepless nights. Unfortunately those sleepless nights could go on for a while yet and it's really hard getting through this period! It varies for all babies, some start sleeping through the night a lot sooner, others take time to settle into sleeping all through the night. It can be a really difficult time for parents and I'm quite amazed that you're both working full time, although in the current climate that's not unusual! 

    You're probably going to go round in a bit of a vicious cycle for a while. Sleep and rest is important when dealing with the pain you're experiencing but at the same time I know you will want to help out with the night duties. You and your partner are a team and you're doing really well. Sometimes we all need a little bit of extra help and this is where family and friends usually come in but even then it's still difficult because family and friends also have their own life and work commitments to deal with and you probably won't get many offers of night time cover.

    Have you considered having a social care assessment? As a disabled person, you're entitled to one and as a disabled parent, there could be some help available but I can't make any promises there. Your needs can change when a baby arrives, so if you haven't had an assessment before or it's been a long time since you had one, this could be something to consider. There's some great information about help for disabled parents on the NHS Choices website and it's a good starting place to find out more information. http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Disability/Pages/help-for-disabled-parents.aspx

    As part of the care assessment, you could also ask for an Occupational Therapist's assessment to see if there are any aids or adaptations that might be useful in helping you get around the house. You didn't mention whether you use prosthetics or whether you've already had an OT assessment but if you're struggling to use the stairs now that you're living in a house then it might be worth seeing what is available to help you with this.

    I would also recommend getting in touch with Disability, Pregnancy and Parenthood or looking at the information on their website which offers practical support and ideas for disabled parents. http://disabledparent.org.uk/

    I hope that you're able to work things out between you and your partner and find a compromise that helps you all.

    Best wishes
    Debbie





  • Swift77Swift77 Member Posts: 4 Listener
    Thank you so much for the advice Debbie, very much appreciated. I have completed a self assessment on the Devon website so hopefully something will come from that
  • Debbie_ScopeDebbie_Scope Member Posts: 947 Pioneering
    Fabulous! I'm really pleased to hear this and glad you found the advice helpful.
    Let me know how you get on and if I come across any other sources of information that might help, I'll send them on :)

  • Swift77Swift77 Member Posts: 4 Listener
    Thank you again Debbie, If you do find any further info then please let me know as I am struggling a little with Daisy and working full time :neutral:
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