Parents, carers and disabled parents
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I'm really worried...

carolwright70carolwright70 Member Posts: 2 Listener
I have been a carer since I was a teenager, supporting my Mum and brother, who both have mild/ moderate learning disabilities. My brother has married a lady with Down Syndrome. They have been married since 2012. Throughout this time, they have repeatedly complained if issues to do with my brother's mother in law. Focused on issue's around money, falling out and in due to emotional demands. My brother says he feels trapped between mother and daughter, bickering then making up. My brothers wife is quite dominant, has temper issues, my brother does not feel he can speak out when unhappy. The issues have been observed by my brothers support worker, and he will meet his worker at my address this week, to talk openly, away from his wife. This is one of a number of times I have got caught up in their issues. Trying to liaise with my brothers father in law, about the problems. Unfortunately my wording has led the mother to threaten going to a solicitors. In the past, despite telling me their stories of woe, both my brother and his wife have then not backed me up. Making it look like I am making trouble. I am just trying to look after my brother, who has always been vulnerable, and easily bullied in his friendships and relationships. I'm really worried, I have my own problems with anxiety and depression, I just want to live my own life now, its time at aged 46, and then I am still helping my Mum!


  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Carol, this sounds really stressful! It sounds like a good idea for your brother to have time to speak to his support worker in private.

    Let us know how it goes.
    Senior online community officer
  • BrendaBrenda Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Hi Carol,

    It is really hard being on the outside and seeing what goes on and feeling helpless.  My situation is very different.   Does your brother have a social worker?  I think having a good one is useful.  Having a meeting that is on neutral ground is probably a good idea too.  You say that 'they' had concerns initially and it must be hard for your brother's mother in law to let her daughter go too. I'm not sure if Marriage Guidance would be helpful and if they even have anyone experienced to deal with married couples with disabilities but it might be interesting to find out.
  • carolwright70carolwright70 Member Posts: 2 Listener
    No social worker at the moment, like pulling teeth trying to get one. Just have the learning disability outreach worker, another worker will also be at meeting Thursday. See what they can suggest.
  • BrendaBrenda Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Lets hope it goes well and I'll look forward to a positive outcome!
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