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I'm hoping that I might find someone whom at least can understand me

Chrissiemk Community member Posts: 1 Listener
Hi there,this is my 1st time on this site,I. Hope to find others that although I really wish aere not in the same situation as myself,I can relate too and they to me too.
I'm in my late 50s and have been suffering with degenerative spinal stenosis since my early 30s.
Have refused to accept my disabilities for many many years.
I now suffer with depression and often feel like I am just using oxygen that someone who can put so much more back i am of no use to anyonyone.
I'm just a burden on society,a drain on the benefits system,so what on earth is the point of my existence?
I find myself feeling more and more having so much more negative thoughts than positive.
I'm hoping that I might find someone whom at least can understand me and we can be there to help one another when we are having one of our down days.


  • steve51
    steve51 Community member Posts: 7,153 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Chrissiemk

    Good Afternoon it’s great to meet you today ????

    I am one of the Community Champion’s here at Scope.

    Please please let me know if there’s anything that I can help you with????

  • Antonia_Alumni
    Antonia_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,780 Pioneering
    edited May 2019
    Hi @Chrissiemk welcome to the community. How are you doing today? Thank you for joining us :)

    I am sorry to hear this, please do not feel like you are a burden or a drain on the benefits systems. You are valued and an important member of our community, we appreciate you. Have you been in touch with your GP, for emotional support? 

    I have moved your post to our mental health discussions group, where our other members who relate to you can support you and you may be interested in our disabled people discussions I know some of members have felt this way. It took a while for a family member of mine to come to terms with their disability, so you are not alone in feeling this way.

    You might also benefit from reading MIND’s information on self care and other suggestions for support with depression.

    If you are having thoughts of suicide, it is important that you discuss them with someone who is qualified to help. Please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (free) or email them at jo@samaritans.org
    If you feel that you may be an immediate danger to yourself, please call 999 or go to your local hospital right away.
    Please let us know if you have any questions.

    Best wishes,

  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 11,100 Scope online community team
    edited May 2019
    Hello @Chrissiemk and a really warm welcome to the community.
    Thank you for sharing this. I really appreciate your honesty. Sadly, I think a lot of people probably feel this way at times, but it's important to remember that you're not just a diagnosis. We all contribute to society in our own way and make a difference in people's lives, sometimes without even realising it. For example: someone else reading your message here today might now realise they're not alone with what they've been feeling.

    Would you like to tell us a little bit about who you are besides your diagnosis, or join us in the coffee lounge where we're discussing our favourite movies?
    Community Manager
  • zakblood
    zakblood Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    welcome to the forum, have a similar conditions and totally understand where you're coming from, and now had it for also for 20+ years so in the same boat aged 52 this year, paddling against the current as to speak, just lost a ESA assessment, so atm just as low as can go, but in the end, what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger, you have to fight to live now days it seems, and while some days are better than others for me and well everyone, the other side is just dark and despair and full of emptiness and the void, so stay in the light, keep the chin up and survive, you aren't alone, and tbh there's always someone worse off, plenty of stories say the same or worse on here, so nobody ever alone here, comments and replies i find help, while some off advice, others just chat and tell there stories, so over time we feel part of something, and not no longer alone.

    while the answer to the ultimate question was meant to be 42, 

    Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything

    for me it's 52, as hopefully i'll make it to another year and birthday soon, so each day is a bonus, each hour is another one finger back up to the DWP, as while they can find 
    £4bn to do up the restoration work in Parliament, the government that is, £17.6bn to complete the Elizabeth Line, HS2 will cost £55.7 billion to build, they seem not to wish to pay me not even the minimum wage for being ill, so we all serve a purpose in our own small way, for me it's just being alive and saying get stuffed to those who wish to put me down, find a meaning and purpose and enjoy what you do have, nice picture btw, lions are strong
  • janj
    janj Community member Posts: 2 Listener
    Hi there Chrissiemk, you are obviously a very strong person as you say you have refused to accept your disabilities,  but like us all you are only human. I don't know your condition but I can speak with personal and professional knowledge regarding mental health issues. You can refer yourself or go through your GP for talking therapy. CBT is a good option of which I can speak with knowledge. It can help you harness your strength and examine your thoughts, emotions, physical symptoms and how this influences your behaviour. You can identify cycles in which you can get caught up in, in relation to situations personal  to you. CBT helps you  to identify alternative thinking and behavioural responses. It has an excellent evidence base for being effective in treating depression related to physical health conditions and in managing pain , if you experience this. CBT is Therebased in the here and now though takes into account your past experiences leading up to the present day. It is collaborative and non  nature and judgemental in nature. Ultimately, it helps you to understand yourself.   are therapists that There are people that specialise in CBT for physical health/pain. The NHS has provision in all areas for CBT,   It come under name of IAPTS - Improving Access to Psychological Therapies.  Please know your thinking about yourself is as a result of altered/low mood, as a result of your health difficulties,a is not a correct reflection of you, as the strong person you are. Our  mind is a  marvellous thing but can can equally work against us when it has been placed under pressure for so long. Be kind to yourself and know that people care. X
  • janj
    janj Community member Posts: 2 Listener
    Sorry for typing errors, ?
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger

    Hello @Chrissiemk  Thank you for sharing. You not alone .

    I was born with my disability and have mental health issues.

    Know every day is difficult but have bad days and have some days feelings, emotions.

    Call this Weepy Wednesday. Always a Wednesday.

    The main thing I try to deal is make some aspects of my life. Make some positivity if I can.

    Have things and certain aspects of my life make it comfortable best I can.

    Have a comfort box. Contains everything. I like about me to ease the pain and suffering.  Favourite music, words of a poem.  Could be recipes my favourite ones.

    Spent an afternoon watching my foodie films on TV.

    Make some small steps to give you some healing and recovery.  What do you like to do?  Does not have to be a lot simple pleasures.

    How to address the mental health issues of depression it is be aware of how you can cope.

    Do you think you need to talk to some one like your Doctor.?  Could be useful.  Doctors often can be beneficial to asking for some help with your issues.

    In my early part of my life when I had the difficulties of coping with the disability.  Found reassurance by talking but also using the guidance of my Doctor.

    Had some counselling, some therapy might be worth a look.

    Knowledge and education learning to identify the problems you have..  Using coping methods, strategies.

    I learnt a lot from various courses, plus being involved with mental health charities helped a lot.

    Used this one last time.


    They often know the ways to deal with any problems or issues. Do take clientele with disabilities might something to consider.

    I do not have all the answers but know that finding to deal and be kind to yourself is often the answer to know how your mind works. 

    Happy to be supportive anytime.

    Please take care.


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